Hi My Friends!
I hope you’re all having a lovely day. Today I want to discuss anger, bratting, and what to do when you’re upset and regress into Little Space. For many full-time Littles, the line between “Big Me” (our adult self) and “Little Me” (our inner Little) can become blurred. This is especially true when emotions run high and we experience feelings of discomfort, anger, and frustration. Personally, I know that if I’m in a Little head space and something begins to irritate me, I tend to react in a manner that is fitting for my Little Me. I will pout, clench my fists, and have difficulty finding the right words to say.
It can be tricky for caregivers to understand why some Littles have difficulty expressing negative emotion while in Little Space. “Use your words” doesn’t always work for Littles when they experience the “grumpies”. This is because Little Space is more of a mindset then it is a fetish or kink. Being a Little is so much more than wearing DDLG/LB clothing, playing with toys, and having a caregiver. It is a state of mind in which the adult regresses to a general youthful age. For some that is a toddler, and for others it can be an elementary aged child, or a young adolescent. While a Little is in this mindset, they embody every aspect of that particular age.
It is important to note that age regression is also fluid. This means that while the Little might generally regress to an elementary age, if they are upset or frustrated, they might regress even lower to a toddler age. But why does this happen? Well, let’s take a step back and think about how children behave during times of conflict. Many children clam up when they are upset. They cry, pout, withdraw, run away, throw things, or have an all out temper tantrum. Assuming a state of mind such as Little Space, means surrendering your emotions to being in that headspace. You might be a Little who typically regresses to around age 6 or 7… but if you’re upset, you might fall even lower to age 4 or 5. This is completely normal. Caregivers should have healthy outlets in place for their Little so that when those negative feelings do arise (and they will!), there is a proper outlet for them.
Note: The worst thing you can do to a Little who is upset is to walk away. DO NOT walk away!
Instead, there are ways to help your Little channel negative emotions in a healthy way that benefits both you and them. Some of these include:
- Holding/Rocking your Little to soothe them down from a meltdown. Once they are calm, then get them to verbalize their feelings.
- Using Eye Contact to Your Advantage: When your Little is in full meltdown mode, it’s useful to kneel down and make eye contact with them. Don’t be surprised if they hold up a hand and tell you they aren’t going to speak to you… or to tell you to go away. Do they really want you to go away? Of course not. What they want is for you to gently (but calmly) state that you love them, you understand that they are upset right now, and that Daddy or Mommy is here when you’re ready to talk. Create a safe, open space where your Little can come to you as the Caregiver. This will diffuse the situation and open up dialogue.
- Set borders and boundaries: Make it clear to your Little that they can be upset and angry. Those feelings are natural and normal. But they cannot be violent to you or themselves, and they can’t say mean things to hurt you or themselves. Be a role model for how you want your Little to act.
- Swaddling: Nothing calms a Little down faster than good old fashioned swaddling. The act of swaddling has been proven to calm down the central nervous system and lower your heart rate. Invest in comfy blankets. I promise you it’s worth it.
- Take Turns Talking: When you do get your Little to open up about what is bothering them, make sure to take turns talking. Allow your Little to vent their feelings, but to also listen to you too. It’s important that everyone has a voice and a chance to decompress.
The final point I want to touch on is the difference between bratting and feeling angry. Bratting is a common behavior in the Cg/l community because many Littles feel the need to push their caregivers’ buttons for attention. Please, my fellow Littles, heed my advice and don’t do it. Daddies and Mommies love you deeply, and they want to see you happy… joyful… and full of life. If you have a healthy caregiver, you don’t need to brat for attention, because they will be giving you tons anyway. Focus on activities that make you both happy. Laugh and savor time together. You’re a Little because there is an inner child that yearns to play… make magic… and rejoice in the beauty of life! You’re a Little because you can see the wonder in things, and behold the mysterious in an otherwise mundane world. Focus on that! Let your happy side shine, and if you do need attention from your Caregiver… try and use those words first. ❤
Alright that’s it for today! Keep smiling and stay tuned for more Halloween-y posts to come!