How to Thrive as a Solo Little

Hi My Friends!

Today’s post is a bit more personal. I felt compelled to write this post from a place of love and understanding. I remember the day when my first Daddy and I broke things off. After the pain and anger had receded I just felt… lost. Unlike a traditional boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, a D/s or DDLG relationship is so much more deep, open, and vulnerable. There are triggers within each Little that, if the dominant leaves, can make the submissive feel abandoned. I remember that is how I felt, abandoned. The pain hit a part of me that already had so many scars. I longed to message him again and apologize. A part of me felt a sense of urgency to reconnect because the thought of being alone as a Little felt impossible.

And yet, I didn’t message him. I sat with the feeling. I cried… a lot. I felt confused for a while. I wondered if I was ever meant to be a sub at all. I wondered if it was a sign from above that the world of BDSM wasn’t for me. And then I took one step forward. I remembered that the reasons why I am a submissive were still there. In the darkest moments of my life, (and there have been some very dark ones), there still was a tiny voice inside of me that I call Hope. A tiny flicker of light that tells me that all will be okay. The pain will pass even though it hurts like hell right now. I didn’t know how I would move forward as a Little. I didn’t know if I would ever have another dominant. I didn’t know how I would wrestle the feelings of guilt, and looking back on the relationship with my Ex-dom thinking about all the “could of, should of, would of” possibilities. But I did move on.

And if you’re out there having gone through this experience too, or if you’ve recently gone through the loss of a D/s relationship, then let me place a gentle, virtual hand on your shoulder and tell you: You are far from alone. I promise you, that while it hurts and things feel so empty, that this too will pass. You do not need a dominant to be a Little. Let me say that one more time:

You do NOT need a mommy or daddy to be a Little!

Now you might be thinking, “but how?? How can you go into Little Space without a daddy or mommy??”. I know, I thought that too. But in the days and weeks of processing the grief and loss of the relationship I realized that I am, who I am, not because I was connected to this other person. I am, who I am as a Little, because I am me. The joyful, silly kitten is all me. Just as the beautiful, bright, silly Little is you! It may be hard to see that right now, but I promise you it’s there. That said, let’s think of this time in your life as being a solo little as a time to “prepare” for your next dominant, whenever you feel ready to move on. In yesterday’s post I discussed, “10 Qualities a Dominant Must Have”. This is an excellent list to hang onto as you meet, screen, and get to know another mommy or daddy in the future.

Until then, think of this single period as a time to work on yourself to achieve some personal goals. You will want to prepare yourself body, mind, and soul for your next dominant and all that the D/s relationship entails. I have created a 25-day training schedule for the solo little (much like what you would receive during formal training with a dominant), to give you general tasks and guidelines as you continue to grow more comfortable with yourself. This guide focuses on the following:

  • Following a healthy and manageable morning routine
  • Finding your own fashion style while still feeling little
  • Carving out time for 15 minutes of meditation per day
  • Find snacks that keep that little spark alive within while you’re out and about
  • Taking time for daily reflection questions in a journal each night
  • Watch D/s themed movies (and complete the activity associated with each movie) to get you thinking about what to look for in a dominant
  • Exercise for 20 minutes per day at your mobility level and keep those muscles healthy
  • Establish a nighttime routine
  • Lastly, get plenty of rest at night. A rested Little is a happy Little!

Are you ready to begin your training as a Little? Then let’s jump in together!!

For Days 1-3, click for the pdf here: Solo Little Training Guide Day 1-3

For Days 4-25, please see my book: “Big Me, Little Me: A Survival Guide For Littles By Littles”

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