Being Kinky in a Vanilla Family [Story Time]

Hi My Friends!

First off, can we all just squeal for a moment because it’s Halloween!!! Happy Halloween to you!!

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As I type this blog post to you, I am sitting here munching on delicious Hershey’s kisses. (They’re my favorite). So I hope you’re getting into the Halloween spirit too. That said, today I would like to talk about making peace with being kinky, while coming from a “vanilla” family. In the BDSM world, we use the term “vanilla” to label anyone who is not a part of the lifestyle. You might hear the ironclad rule, “Don’t do anything kinky in front of vanilla people”. Now you know what the term means ๐Ÿ™‚ .

I was inspired to write this post, as I have been around my family a lot lately. My Daddy and I are happily married and are both quite kinky. However, similarly we both come from conservative families where even saying the word “sex” is sure to get a gasp in the room. So, how do you thrive as a Little and as someone with kinks and fetishes while coming from such a background? How do you make peace with who you are, if you happen to be living with family members who are vanilla? Is it possible to embrace your roots, while still relishing your Little wings? Yes, yes, and absolutely yes you can!

It took me a long time to “come out” to my parents that I was in a D/s relationship with my Daddy. And by a long time I mean… about 25 years. Sure, there were “hints” along the way. Like that time my mom found photos of me with an ex giving a blowjob. (That was a fun conversation we had later lol). Or the time that my parents asked me if I was “one of those bondage people” after finding a crop in my nightstand drawer. Yeah… that made me chuckle.

But it’s funny. As you get older, you grow more sure of yourself and who you are. You learn to embrace every aspect of your being. You realize that being Little isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s a part of who you are as a person, and as such, it is something to be cherished. You give yourself permission to think about naughty fantasies and not be flooded with guilt or embarrassment. You daydream about kinky sex positions and toys of all shapes and sizes. You come to a place where you feel a sense of confidence that you are damn sexy just as you are. I am a Little. At times, I also enjoy pet play. My parents will never understand why I am the way I am. But there was one day where I sat down with them and had “the talk”, (something I thought we would never do). I wanted them to know who their daughter is. Time is so fleeting and I wanted my parents to know that the reason why I feel so joyful in my soul, is because that after years of searching and learning… I know who I am now. And I like who I am! I knew that “the talk” would be awkward, and I would have to dumb things down a bit to their understanding. So I did. It went something like this…

Me: “I want you to know who I am as a person. Life is fleeting. I know all too well how precious and sacred time is, and as we all age…. I want you to know me as a person.”

Mom: “Well… yeah… I figure I know you pretty well”.

Me: “Well yes, you do. But I want to be able to express myself fully and you not think it’s weird”.

Mom: (Confused) “Why would I think you’re weird?”

Me: “Mom, I am in a D/s relationship. And that means I’m submissive”.

Now let me pause here for a moment. My mom is like… the most feminist, woman-power type of person. So I was expecting her to have a conniption right there on the sofa. But, I pressed on with my explanation.

Me: “I surrender power to him from the bottom of my heart. I like him being in charge. I am most comfortable with traditional gender roles and such. Also… I’m a part of the BDSM community”.

Mom: (Blinks) “Isn’t that….?”

Me: “No… I mean you can be tied up and whipped. Not that I would mind…”

Mom: “I’m not sure that I follow…”

Me: “My point is this– I love kids stuff, Mom. I love Disney movies… and plushies. I love bright, kawaii clothing and being happy and joyful. This is my Daddy <points> and I call him that because it feels right in my soul. It’s a bond that we’ve worked hard on for years now. And, I don’t want you to see me in overalls and a pink t-shirt dancing to kids music and feel weirded out… okay?”

Mom: ……. Hmm…… okay. (nods)

I felt so relieved getting it off my chest. Now, I was fortunate that my mom understood what I had to say. And yes, I did give her a VERY watered down version of what my life is like. We made peace with each other in a sense with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” type of situation. But, at least she knows. Not everyone can share their story so openly with their family and I realize that too.

Which leads me to my final point. There will be people who you absolutely cannot come out to and openly say that you’re a Little. You’re a part of the Cg/l community. You have a mommy or daddy that you’re smitten over and it makes you squeal with glee! So, instead of sharing that with family who simply cannot accept you for who you are… I encourage you to do two things:

  1. Turn inward and make peace with yourself. Know that you’re FAR from alone. You don’t need to feel like a secret Little, because there are so many of us out there waiting to make friends with you online! ๐Ÿ™‚ Love yourself for every part of you. Love your curves. Love your hair, just the way you’re made. Love your “fluff” and love your muscles. Love your body… mind… and soul, because if one of those were to change then you wouldn’t be you. Enjoy learning and exploring each kink and fantasy you have. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!
  2. Reach out to others online: The internet is a wonderful tool to connect all of us, Littles and Doms/Dommes across time and space. Face to face Little meet up’s are amazing and conventions are too. But if you have trouble finding people to meet with in your local community, check out some online DDLG forums. Hop on Instagram (which I loooove surfing) and look up Little’s and DDLG stuff too! There are a TON of wonderful people on Instagram posting the cutest things all the time! (And say hello to me too! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

Remember, if you’re going to share this sacred part of yourself with family, try and word it in a way that they can understand. They might not understand the word “Little” or “Caregiver”. But they will understand you saying, “I like kids stuff” and that might provoke them to ask questions. Let them be curious as you openly answer each and every question they have. Let your journey and story unfold organically. Reveal your Little self when YOU are ready. And until then, give yourself a GIANT hug… because you’re great! โค Until tomorrow everyone, stay tuned!

~Penny Xx

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