Hi My Friends!
Today’s post is going to be quite a bit more personal, so grab your favorite drink and let’s dive in together. When I hear the term “daddy issues” I always cringe. Why? Well, I am a Little. I have a Daddy (who is also my husband). I also have a father who has chosen to be absent from my life. But I don’t like having such a negative label associated to my Little Space. For me, being a Little is allowing the happiest parts of my inner child to shine brightly. When I am in Little Space I feel free to just be. I can laugh, be silly, smile, dance, and let go. I don’t want those dark parts of my past to be connected to who I am today as an adult, and a Little.
But I want to put it out there that I’ve also made peace with my lack-of relationship with my father. It took me years, my friends, but I finally got there. For anyone out there who also has an absent parent I hope this story resonates with you in some way. You’re not alone. Your past does not define you, and it certainly doesn’t need to be connected to your Little Space today. Be your beautiful self ❤ Here is my story…
Looking back, I was always a daddy’s girl when I was very young. For reasons I still don’t quite know, my father gave me the nickname Freddie. It isn’t a girl’s name, but nonetheless, as a young child I smiled and laughed whenever he played with my hair and called me the pet name. As a kid, we were inseparable. Whenever we would go places people would comment how I looked just like my dad. We spent hours driving around in his car singing oldies at the top of our lungs. My father always had a beautiful singing voice.
And then when I was 10 years old my parents divorced. Like countless others out there, my household became fragmented. My older brother chose to live with my mother and I chose to live with my father. It would be 10 years before I ever saw my mother and brother again. My father changed after the divorce. It was like a candle that had been snuffed out. He became distant… hardened… and busy. His priorities shifted, and as such, our relationship shifted. Years passed and I grew from child to adolescent. I wanted my own space and spent hours outside or in my room. We barely spoke. Finally when I graduated high school I moved out. There wasn’t a gentle transition from adolescence to adulthood. There was no guiding hand to help me take that very first step. The man that I had idolized in my youth looked at me with his crystal, blue eyes… put my clothing in a trash bag… and sent me packing.
Adulthood was like a splash of ice cold water to the face. More years drifted by. My father and I would do a dance of “we talk… then a year rolls by when we don’t talk… and then we talk once…” and so on.
Which brings me to where I am today. I am a woman. An adult. Someone shaped by time and experiences, and yet I also found my husband and Daddy along the way. He helped me find a sense of inner peace and acceptance towards my father. It would be natural (and even understandable) for me to hold anger in my heart towards my father. But if I’m being completely honest…. I don’t. I put many miles, and time apart from my father. I decided to focus on what is, instead of wishing for what could be… or what should have been.
My Daddy is NOT my father. I am a Little and I suppose I could be labeled as having “daddy issues” but that is not what makes me a Little. I am a Little because I get this chance, right here… right now… in the safe, healthy arms of my dominant, to let that inner child shine again. I get to laugh and play in a way that I never could back in my childhood. I get to revisit shows and movies I used to love, and fall in love all over again. I get to babble and be loved on… so deeply… by a man that I would gladly give my life for. I have formed a bond that is nurturing and sustaining. It wasn’t one formed overnight. In fact, it took years to shape and mold. We continue to work on it every single day.
So do all Little’s have “daddy issues”? No. But I guess I can raise my tiny hand and say I do. And you know what? I’m doing just fine 🙂 Thanks for reading all. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post! ❤