Hi My Friends!
Today I am diving into the psychology of domination and focusing on the question of underage dominants: Should underage dom’s be allowed in the Cg/l community? Are they fit to handle a submissive? Before we move any further into these answers I think it is important to address what the roles and responsibilities of a mommy or daddy include.
A dominant has to be a leader in the D/s relationship. They need to be confident in themselves and be sure of who they are. By doing so, they will have the emotional capacity and maturity to guide and lead another person while being emotionally exposed to their submissive as well. A mommy or daddy is also responsible with helping to shape their Little to meet their needs. Each dominant is different with varying wants and desires. Throughout training, the submissive will learn what their dom longs for in the partnership and will abide by the tasks and rules that will shape their behavior to meet these expectations. Finally, a dominant must understand their submissive so intimately that they can design a training plan and tasks to help them achieve their own personal goals as you (the dom) consistently guide and monitor their progress. Needless to say, being a dominant requires a lot of hard work and patience!
This is why I believe that it is important for dominants to take time to be a single dom, or a solo dom. I know, it probably sounds crazy but hear me out! 🙂 When you are single you have the time to work on yourself. Prior to connecting with a sub. you have the opportunity to gain self-awareness of your strengths and weaknesses. You have the time to work on these weaknesses and improve things that you wish to change. It is so healthy to get to know yourself intimately because when you are sure of who you are, and how you operate, when you finally come together to bond with a sub. you will exude pure confidence and be ready to lead.
I would encourage dominants (and underage dominants) to also use this period as a single dom as a time to explore why they wish to be a dominant. So often we subconsciously look to others to fill the voids in our life. We choose partners that make our own scars and pain from life, just a little bit less painful. But in a D/s bond, this isn’t the right motive in picking a submissive. Do not look to your submissive to fill your voids. Take time to work on yourself and make peace with the pain and baggage. It’s okay to not be okay! When you do process through your pain and past, only then can you discover why you want to undertake such a great responsibility as a dominant. And finally, use your time as a solo dominant to practice self-love and self-care. We all hear it said a thousand times to learn to love yourself. But the bottom line is that a lasting D/s relationship requires unconditional love. But first, you must learn to love yourself, for when you love yourself completely and wholly, only then will your proverbial cup be full and spill over to love your Little completely too. You won’t be critical with your submissive because you will love every part yourself. You will be completely at peace inside and this will allow your love, patience, and understanding be the guide in the D/s relationship.
Which brings me to the topic of underage dominants. To me, it isn’t a question of if they should be a part of the community. They have every right to be a part of the Cg/l community and here’s why. Being a dominant, like being a submissive, is a journey. You begin in a state of uncertainty. You read articles and research the topic extensively. You connect online with other dominants and ask questions to learn more and gain experience. But only when you’re ready, do you venture out into a relationship. I would caution dominants that when you are ready to commit to a sub. to be prepared to be emotionally exposed just as much as your submissive will be. This is especially true if sex is a part of the relationship dynamics. You don’t go around telling just anyone what your kinks and fetishes are, right? Opening up and connecting as dom-sub is an incredibly intimate experience… and that’s just talking! I haven’t even touched on play sessions, bottle feeding, diaper changing, and sex!
As you connect with your sub you will quickly realize (especially if the relationship is face to face) that your submissive will get to know how you think, the things that make you tick, and what your triggers are. They will peel back the wall of privacy we put up to the world and see your innermost feelings. A D/s relationship is a very, very deeply rooted bond and not one to be entered into lightly. This is why I would encourage underage dominants to wait until they are 18 years old to enter into a relationship or engage in any sexual activity. It’s not because they can’t lead a submissive… it’s because they shouldn’t lead in a situation that could be misunderstood or misconstrued as illegal. It’s better to wait until all parties are legal adults. That said, I want to end this article on a positive note. Underage dominants are the future dominants of our community. They are simply people who are in the process of working on themselves to gain life experience, maturity, and to be ready to lead their future Little. Let’s not look down upon the underage community, but instead lift them up and come together as one Cg/l community ❤
I hope you all enjoyed this post! Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more tomorrow!