An Open Letter to My Ex-Dom [Raw Processing]

Hi My Friends,

It’s late at night and I’m sitting here with raw emotions at the surface of my mind. I have been wanting to write this letter to my ex-dom because I think so often when we end a relationship it stops abruptly. We end things, and that’s it. It is finished. But in truth, regardless of the relationship, an imprint is left on our heart and mind. My Ex-dom introduced me to the world of BDSM and without him…. I’m not sure I would have ever walked through that door. That said, I believe that there is a way to find peace, love, and compassion when reflecting on the conclusion of a relationship. This is my raw processing letter to him. For the sake of this letter, I’m going to call him M.


Dear M, 

I know much time has passed. How are you? If you ever happen to stumble across this letter on the vast wide web… then fate was surely playing a part and I would be shocked. I wanted to write this letter to thank you. It has taken me years of soul-searching, learning, and growing as a person to be the submissive who I am today. I remember the night you and I talked for hours. At one point I giggled and told you that I could never go back to a vanilla relationship now that I know what BDSM is like. “I know, right?” you said to me, and I could hear the grin in your voice. With just one word you could make my knees buckle. I had never felt so moved… so intensely attached… as I was to you. You walked into my life like a hurricane and opened my eyes to so many things. 

Never once did you judge me nor wince when I knew that I wanted to call you Daddy. Hour after hour you sat patiently with me… pushing me beyond what I thought my limits were. You showed me an inner strength I never knew. Thank you, M… it means so much. You pushed me to work on my appearance. Sweatpants and a t-shirt weren’t enough, and so you taught me the ways of dressing with care and coordination. I admit, that perhaps I’ve slacked a bit since we broke up. But nonetheless, I now understand the difference between “dressy casual” and “formal wear” because of you. 

M, many people look back at their past relationships with disdain. They find all of the things that went wrong. But I can’t do that with you. Without you, I wouldn’t be a sub. Without you, I wouldn’t be a Little. “I think you’re more of a submissive than you realize…” is what you said to me. And you were oh so right. I am a submissive. I just didn’t realize it then. I’m sorry that I doubted myself, and doubted you. I’m sorry for the many hours that I felt inferior and stupid compared to you. I know it drove you nuts to hear that… and you didn’t deserve it. 

Now that I’m proudly a Little, and have been in a stable D/s relationship for a few years I can say this: every relationship is a stepping stone on our journey in life. You are a part of my story. M… my first dominant… my mystery man… a lover of classical music and all things beautiful… gamsahamnida. Xx


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