What Character Qualities Does a Submissive Need to Have? [Collaboration Blog Post!]

Hi My Friends!

I am so excited to share today’s blog post with you! Today’s post is a collaboration effort with fellow blogger, Sex Talk With Aylin! She and I have come together to share with you qualities and personality traits that are important for submissives to have. If you’re a dominant looking for a sub, these lists will be especially helpful as you seek out your partner. If you’re a sub. or Little, then as you move forward in self-exploration, examine these lists and determine if there are any areas you want to expand your personal growth. Also, please be sure to check out Aylin’s Instagram @sextalkwithaylin and hit that follow button, okay? πŸ™‚ You guys are the best!! Now let’s dive in together!


  1. Loyalty. Sometimes it can feel like a dog-eats-dog world out there in the BDSM community. Submissives are looking for their perfect Master or Caregiver, and dominants are looking for their forever sub. Loyalty goes a long, long way when you are bonded to your partner. There is something soothing and comforting in knowing that regardless if you’re having a bad day, a mood swing, or the relationship is long distance, that they will still be there. Loyalty is an important factor that every submissive must possess. If you’re not in it for the long haul, save them the hurt and pain and don’t accept their collar.
  2. Respect. To me, this is one of the most important qualities that a submissive must be trained to understand. Regardless if you’re a little, slave, kajira, domestic servant, taken in hand, etc. there has to be a level of deep respect between both partners. This is especially true for the submissive because when you respect your dom, and you ask for their permission, that respect comes from a place of love. You turn to them for authority over you because you trust them to care for your needs. You demonstrate that they hold power over you, and as such, your showing respect to them makes the dominant feel desired, loved, and cherished. There are many ways you can do this from: completing your daily tasks, to asking for permission, to waiting for your dom to take the first bite of food, to kneeling in a corner ready to be of service. The list is endless, really! πŸ™‚
  3. Service-oriented. Speaking of service, submissives need to take care in their appearance. I’m not saying run out and buy all in name brands or get dressed up to the “nines”. Instead, ask your dom to pick out your outfit for the day. As the sub, you will feel special knowing that your appearance is pleasing to their eyes. Then, you can set about taking care of the home, or doing things that you know your dominant will love. A true submissive has a givers heart. It comes naturally to give, nurture, and love on their dominant because in doing so, it makes them feel fulfilled. Being service-oriented can be a myriad of things ranging from household chores, to reminders via email, to laying out your dominants clothes. But the important aspect of doing service for your dominant, is that they are the one who will tell you what service they desire. Let them give you the “to do” list. This keeps the power exchange in balance.
  4. Honest. Every relationship is built on honesty and trust. It can be difficult opening up your innermost kinks, fetishes, and fears to your dominant but it is so vital that you do so. A healthy submissive learns to trust their dominant and be forthcoming with all of their thoughts and feelings. The more transparent you are with your dom, the deeper you can connect.
  5. Enthusiastic/ Eager to please. Part of being a Little, (or a submissive for that matter) is being someone that your dominant wants to turn to. They crave caring for your needs, and to see you happy. They feel fulfilled and rewarded every time you laugh, and thank them for their love. But in turn, the submissive needs to be motivated to want to please their dominant too. Mental health issues aside, a submissive should strive to be friendly, warm, and thoughtful. They should seek (or be trained) to be optimistic and hopeful. Your enthusiasm will bleed over to your dominant and both of you will feel uplifted. Remember, you are your dominant’s submissive. They claimed you. You belong to them, which is why you wear their collar around your neck. As such, you now should have an eager heart ready to please your dom.
  6. Trusting. We always hear talk of how much the submissive has to give and surrender to their dominant. But when you’re in a D/s relationship, the dominant leans on their submissive too. You will learn their fetishes, kinks, and fantasies. You will begin to understand their fears, triggers, and turn off’s. You will see the vulnerable parts of them that few will ever know. This is why, as a submissive, you must be trusting. These sacred parts of your dominant are special, and meant for you and you alone. Guard them close to your heart and never share them with the world. No matter what happens to the relationship, the trust that your dominant places in your hands should always be upheld. Always.
  7. Dedicated to the Lifestyle. I always say, “there is a difference between someone popping a binkie in their mouth, and someone actually being a Little”. If you’re true in your intentions to being a part of this lifestyle and community… go learn about it! Live the lifestyle. Get active on the multitude of DDLG/BDSM forums. Swap out clothing as you find a dominant who has a certain fashion preference. Read up on the many books out there that teaches tips and tricks for submissives to know. Practice self-care and self-love as you discover why you’re drawn to this lifestyle. In short, go actually live the life. You’ll be glad that you invested the time and energy.
  8. Open-minded. Lastly, a submissive needs to be open-minded. The path of submission isn’t an easy one. If it was, everyone would surrender to a dom. Instead, a submissive has to understand that living this life means walking through life with someone who is going to push you to be your absolute best. Your dominant will push you to work hard towards your personal goals. They will guide you, as they mold you to service and fulfill their needs, and they will cherish and protect you always. You (the sub) need to be ready with an open-mind, and be able to take instruction from them. Surrender over your power when you feel safe and ready. Be willing to be pushed a little. It is the greatest feeling to surrender yourself completely to your dominant, and very best friend. Trust me. ❀

I hope you enjoyed this post, everyone! Stay tuned for the next one, and be sure to hop on over and read Aylin’s perspective on her blog, Sex Talk With Aylin. And until next time, keep on smiling! πŸ™‚

~Penny Xx



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