The Power and Role of a Wholesome Dominant [Non-Sexual Littles Blog Series, Part V.]

Hi My Friends!

We’re back with part 5 in a blog series discussing non-sexual littles and how to nurture yourself as one. Today we are turning our attention to the caregiver in this scenario to discuss what to do as a dominant if you find yourself in a D/s relationship where sex is completely off of the table. Many people don’t realize it, but half of the battle of domination begins in the mind. As a dom, you want to present yourself as confident, calm, and collected. You want to always create the illusion that you have everything under control. I say illusion, because let’s be honest, doms are only human too. We all make mistakes. But as Franklin D. Roosevelt so famously quoted, “courage isn’t the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear”. And so you mask your internal fear and insecurities with an air of confidence that reassures your submissive that you have everything under control.

In the last post we discussed how to prepare yourself for a D/s relationship, (or in other words, how to get a dominant to notice you). Now we’re going to set a different scene and go from there. You’re a dominant who is already in a relationship with a Little. However, they are a wholesome/Non-sexual Little.

Note: This is very different from an (AgeRe) or someone who identifies solely with age regression. Usually they are also non-sexual but do not engage in a D/s dynamic. So for the purposes of this post, the non-sexual Little we are discussing still falls under the Cg/l or DDLG/LB label.

How do you make a non-sexual D/s relationship blossom without physical intimacy? How do you dominate your sub in a way that is pleasurable without placing a hand on their body? It’s all about the mind, my friend. The mind is an equally powerful sex organ as other areas of the body are. You can make your little feel desired, loved, nurtured, without ever touching them. It’s all about how you carry yourself, the words you say, how you say them, and the tone in which you use for delivery. Your ultimate goal is to earn your sub’s trust, and to get them to lean on your wisdom, guidance, and understanding of things. To earn your Little’s trust, you’ll need to demonstrate over and over again that you love them and can put them into the Little mindset. A wholesome Little wants to enter the head space just as any other Little does. By showing through your actions that you love them, their love will be reciprocated. Remember, love is an action not a feeling. Where there is motion (actions), emotion will follow. Here are some easy phrases to say to your wholesome Little to get them in a Little head space:

  • How are you feeling today, baby girl?
  • Did you know that Daddy missed you today?
  • Come and sit on my lap. I want to just hold you.
  • (As they’re reaching for something)… Let me get that for you, baby.
  • Daddy wants to hear ALL about your day.
  • Who’s Daddy’s favorite girl in the whole wide world?

Remember, it’s all an illusion. It would be easy to just say, “Hey babe, tell me about your day”. But you want to push them into Little Space to nurture the D/s dynamic. So you take that one extra step to word your question in a way that makes them feel little. That said, there are some classic rookie mistakes that new dom’s often make. Here are a few to watch out for:

  1. Letting her open up to you. Don’t! Probe your Little with questions. Wholesome or not, your submissive wants to see you take charge of the conversation.
  2. Feeling insecure about being a leader. Anyone can be a dominant. You just need to have faith and confidence in yourself that you can. Then, practice makes perfect!
  3. Getting caught up in the sexual aspects of BDSM. Look, I get it. A Cg/l relationship typically has sexual elements to it. But if you want to keep your sub’s trust, then you’ll need to find another outlet for release. Don’t ever try and overstep a boundary that was placed in the contract. It’s just not worth the risk of losing your relationship.

Now I’d like to shift gears a little bit and discuss what to do if your non-sexual D/s relationship carries mental health issues. As a wholesome dominant, if your Little has mental health issues and/or baggage, then there are additional needs that have to be addressed as you connect together. You don’t need to be a substitute for a mental health professional, but instead think of yourself as a mentor in getting your sub. the help that they need to address their issues. Know that it will likely be a slow-going and tedious process. Many Littles use Little Space as a coping mechanism for issues relating to depression, anxiety, and other illnesses. The best advice I can give you is to become as knowledgeable as you can about your Little’s health issues. It’s one of those questions you’ll want to ask before connecting together. Guide your Little into getting professional treatment, in addition to the love, guidance, and support that you’ll give to get their health back on track.

Lastly, I want to talk about sex. I know, you’re a wholesome dominant and they are a non-sexual Little, so why am I even bringing up sex? Well, because it’s everywhere! Trust me when I say that someone… somewhere… will try and flirt with your Little. There are dominants out there who believe in having harems of part-time submissives. (No judgment from me, but I would never enter into such a D/s relationship). Your Little is bound to get a DM (or three) from random strangers soliciting for sex. As the wholesome dominant you’ll need to help your Little navigate these situations. Create rules or tasks for keeping each other accountable and wholesome. When you want to go on a date, make it a fun group date with other Little couples. If your Little gets relentlessly pursued online (and it does happen… I can attest to that) then you will need to step in and firmly but politely tell the online person to back off. Protect your Little, because even though the relationship doesn’t involve sex, they are still your Little. They will need you to protect them and show them that the while the world is full of all kinds of people, that at the end of the day, there is only one Daddy who loves, cares, and yearns to treat them like a princess…. and that’s you. ❤

Alright that’s it from me for today, my friends. Stay tuned for the next post! Have a wonderful Friday and as always, keep on smiling! 🙂

~Penny Xx

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