Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby (Part 3): Date Yourself So That You Can Be a Better Partner (10-Part Sex Series)

If you met yourself on the street… would you want to date you?…. 

Good Morning Friends,

Today I’d like to talk about dating yourself. Here in part 3 of the “Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby” series, I think there is something invaluable in starting where you are to become a better partner. As I sat and pondered over this very topic a thought came to mind: would I date myself if I met myself on the street? Inevitably, (myself included), after years of marriage it’s easy to let ourselves go a bit. When you’re dating things are exciting and a bit dicey. As the dominant you have to be on your “A-game”. You court your partner, and woo them in your advances. As the submissive you need to look and dress the part. You need to always be alluring and intriguing. But we all know that the honeymoon phase eventually fades and that’s the “make or break” point of most relationships. If you’ve built a solid foundation in the relationship, then you’ll last. If not, then it’s probably time to move on.

But I want to focus on dating yourself while you’re in a D/s relationship. When was the last time you primped up simply to feel better about yourself? Self-love goes hand in hand with being a better partner. Today I want to discuss the 8 dimensions of overall wellness that contribute to a person being happy inside and out and how when you nurture these as an individual, you will become a better partner.


I.  Emotional

Learning to love yourself is a skill that is developed. As children, we seek love and acceptance from our parents. We aren’t taught self-love from an early age, but the sooner you can learn it the better off you will be. Knowing how you operate emotionally is a key factor in loving all of yourself. What kind of emotional needs do you have? Are you a highly sensitive person who needs to be around people who ground them and counterbalance their emotions? Do you crave more dramatic, expressive people in your day to day life? Do you prefer direct, brief communication? Are there certain things that trigger you emotionally that you need to avoid? Begin shifting your life decisions to reflect and nurture who you are emotionally.

II. Financial 

Sadly, money makes the world go around. Should money ever control you? Of course not. But I do think there is something to following your life’s passion, regardless of the income. If you’re enjoying your job, and doing something that you truly feel passionate about, then it will never feel like work. You will want to do it, and therefore your productivity will increase and the quality of your work will be higher. So look inwards and determine what your passions are. If you aren’t pursuing them, then I challenge you to take baby steps to work towards that goal.

III. Social

When was the last time that you went out for a date with your Little? Have you ever spoken with other D/s couples? Having a strong social component as a member of the Cg/l community is important. In a big, vanilla world, it’s nice to meet other like-minded people who have the same kinks and fetishes just as you. Littles love meeting other littles. It makes us feel excited, and I dare say “normal”. 😉 Try branching out a bit and meeting people in the community. If you live somewhere rural without a local BDSM chapter, go online and connect with people that way! You can schedule video chat play dates and the doms can chit chat while their littles are playing and babbling away. (For more information on Cg/l resources see the top header of this site!)

IV. Spiritual 

I will never tell anyone what they should or should not believe. However, that said, from my personal experiences, Daddy and I have a routine of praying together before bedtime. We say the following children’s prayer before bedtime and somehow it always lulls me to sleep: Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.  While being spiritually connected as a D/s couple certainly isn’t required, I do think having some sort of personal belief system is important for your overall wellness. If you’ve never done it before, sit down as a couple and discuss your spiritual beliefs. It will definitely deepen your connection with each other.

V. Occupational

Along with your personal career, getting involved in a sense of work that fulfills you is important to your overall health. Many people joke that having a D/s relationship is like having a second full-time job. I can see that. 🙂 Us, Littles, can be a lot of work at times. I would encourage you to throw yourself into your Cg/l relationship and give it your all. Plan little outings together. Leave each other love notes or sweet text messages (complete with fun emojis). Reach out and get connected to the greater Cg/l community. If that worries you, then get more involved in the lifestyle by researching and reading up on the many books about DDLG and BDSM. You won’t be sorry that you did 🙂 .

VI. Physical 

Taking time to workout and get in shape will do wonders for your partnership. While you don’t have to be in prime shape to be in a Cg/l relationship, being in better shape will make you feel more confident and sexy overall and trust me, your partner will notice. Steal away 30 minutes to an hour per day to just move. Find an activity that you genuinely enjoy. Change things up when you get bored. But move and stay active to strengthen your muscles. (Bonus: being fit also makes for a better sex life! 😉 ).

VII. Intellectual 

I’m always nudging my Daddy to read more. Read, read, read. Do things that stimulate your mind and flex your brain. Learn to play a new instrument. Solve a crossword puzzle. Read a new book. Play a challenging video game. Whatever it is, do something that forces you to think. And get your little involved too! Have some quiet, snuggle time while you each read a book. Now that sounds like the perfect afternoon to me. 🙂

VIII. Environmental 

This is probably the least “one-size-fits-all” of the 8 sectors of wellness, and the most difficult to attain, but I would encourage you to place yourself in an environment where you know that you can thrive. When you have an environment that reflects your tastes, interests, etc. then you will be happier and thus be a better partner in your relationship. You will have a physical location in which you feel most comfortable, and place that fully supports your needs as a dominant or submissive. And by having that place in the world to call your own, you can build a nest to share, grow, laugh, and love with your little one.

Alright, that’s it from me for this post, my friends. I hope you all enjoyed it. Stay tuned for the next one! Have a wonderful day, and as always, keep on smiling! 🙂

~Penny Xx


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