Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby (Part 4): How to Love Your Dom Unconditionally [10-Part Series]

Hi My Friends!

How are you?! Gosh, I’ve missed writing on here. A bad sinus infection put me down for a few days, but now I’m back, ready to write, and excited to gush to you again. 5 years ago, just a few days before Christmas, my husband and I got married. Like countless other couples, we used 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 during our ceremony. It’s one of those Bible verses that is just so pretty. “Love is patient… love is kind”… even if you aren’t religious or believe in the Bible, you’ve probably heard of this verse before. It’s everywhere. But, not long ago I was sitting there studying this Bible passage, when it dawned on me that the same principles that are in this Bible verse, also apply to a healthy D/s relationship. So, let’s break it down section by section, and I’ll show you how this verse can be an inspirational tool for you as a Cg/l couple (religion aside).

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 


I. Truly Loving Your Dom: 

I have a close friend who recently was discussing to me how many submissives out there contact him on Instagram, looking for a fast “emotional fix” as a Little, but never want to truly commit. I was stunned. There are many submissives who enter the D/s lifestyle at a young age, and truly don’t understand the depth of what a D/s relationship is about. Loving your dominant, serving him/her completely, means loving them through every up and down. Almost like a marriage, it is the surrender of a major part of yourself to them, and granting them power to control you within your limits. There is a level of respect and unconditional love that forms as the relationship blossoms. You submit because you want to. You submit because you yearn to, and because it feels right in your soul. You don’t need to be “Instagram Official” to validate the love that you have.

Your love is quiet, sure, and stable. Over time it will feel natural, looking to your dominant every time someone asks you a question. And when you do, and you feel his hand caress your cheek as he thanks you for giving him control again and again, your soul will dance with joy. You have pleased him, and that is the greatest feeling in the world. But not all moments will be beautiful. Not every day will be happy, though I wish I could tell you that it would. But it is in the “valleys” of life, where relationships are most tested. You love your dominant through their “mess up’s” and their tribulations, just as they will love you through yours. You don’t need to compare yourself to another D/s couple, and try to seek what they have. Instead, you will emerge as your own unique couple, walking this lifestyle in the community how it feels right for you both.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

II. Honoring Your Dom with Your Body, Mind, and Spirit: 

As I’ve met people in life, there are a few who I’ve come across, who really know how to hold a grudge. This is one of the worst habits you can develop. I think people hold a grudge when their ego feels bruised, or they are struggling to let anger go. They don’t know how to cope with the emotion, therefore instead of processing and dealing with it, they push it aside in their mind and move on. But by never dealing with the issue up front, the negative emotions reoccur when triggered and the cycle of the grudge repeats itself all over again. Learning to truly submit to your dominant means surrendering your body, mind, and soul. It means loving them with every part of you, even when they irritate you. It means discussing those negative emotions in a healthy way, so that you can grow closer as a couple. It means tuning into their needs instead of always looking at your own.

Ladies, let’s keep it real for a moment: our men need sex. I truly believe that it is a biological need. (Yes, I know all about the Buddhist stance of chastity to enter a state of mental clarity and nirvana, but I still believe that fundamentally men need sex to feel satisfied inside and out). If you choose to have a sexual D/s relationship, think about sex this way. As his sub, you are the only one who can give your dominant what he truly needs: sex. He/She chose you to be their submissive, and now you have the chance to honor them and express your love with your body and mind. Love them with all of yourself, and never withhold affection because you’re feeling angered.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

III. Always Tell the Truth: 

Adults tell the truth. Immature children lie. I have always had a zero-tolerance policy in my life for lying. It’s annoying and heartbreaking to experience, and chances are, if a person lies they simply lie because they are guilt-ridden and don’t want to face the truth. But if there is one thing I can tell you to help out your D/s relationship: never, ever lie. Period. Just don’t do it. If you are angered or have pent up negative emotion and want to throw a temper tantrum, it’s better to do so than to lie. That’s how corrosive lying is to a relationship. Lying undermines the very foundation of a D/s bond.

As the dominant, you have to take charge of your sub. You need to gain their full trust in you, helping them understand that you can handle making decisions in their life. If your sub is lying to you, then they have demonstrated that their trust in you isn’t there. And how do you lead a sub who can’t place their trust in you? You simply can’t. Be honest. Keep it real, and you won’t go wrong.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

IV. Protect Your Dom as Much as They Protect You: 

My Daddy and I often refer to ourselves as the Alpha (him) and the Beta (me). He is my Alpha and I am his Beta. Our spirit animal is the wolf. It is fitting for us, as we have been through many trials as a couple that has made us stronger than ever. That said, while my love protects me endlessly, so too do I protect him. There is little talk in the Cg/l community about how strong a submissive can be when it comes to protecting her dominant. And I suppose that I understand to a degree. We must let our dominant be… well, dominant! We have to let them guide, lead, and demonstrate that they are our protector. They need to feel empowered to be dominant. And as submissives, our actions of love, support, and obedience give them the power that they need.

But dominants are only human. They experience struggles just as we do. They will encounter situations that might feel overwhelming and agitating. And it is in those moments that we step up as their Beta, their best friend, and the quiet muscle behind them. We watch quietly from the sidelines, letting them shine, until such a moment arises when our Alpha has endured enough and then we spring into action. It is from a place of absolute love and unconditional loyalty that we fight for our dominant with everything that we have. I know that personally, I’ve been in the situation where I’ve stood up for my Daddy when I felt like people were out of line. It wasn’t fun. I didn’t enjoy the confrontation at all. But I don’t regret it, because I was standing up for him… my Alpha. Love your dominant enough to always have their back. When you do, the love will deepen. It will grow. It will be tested and will persevere. Your dom will know that they can count on you through thick and thin. And that is a love that is worth fighting for.

Love never fails.

V. My Wish For You: 

It is my hope that you enjoyed this post, my friend. I wish that you take your D/s relationship and nurture it with all that you have. It is my wish that you love from a place of deep respect, trust, and loyalty. If you are a single dominant or submissive, I wish that you find someone that fulfills your life completely. That they cease the aching need in your heart and allow you to submit or dominate them completely. I pray that you come together in the most beautiful union that lasts for years and years. I hope that the moments you spend together are deeply rewarding and are lessons learned in the story of your journey. I hope that as you walk in this lifestyle and our community, that you be authentically, and uniquely you. Be yourself. Love hard. Savor time. And never forget to smile.

That’s it from me for this post, my friends. I hope you all enjoyed it! Stay tuned for the next one, have a wonderful Monday, and as always, keep on smiling! 🙂

~Penny Xx


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