This post is mostly just me rambling about experiences I’ve had the past week that have made me pause and think. Normally my life is rather quiet and routine. But lately, I’ve experienced several moments that have stuck in my mind, which has led me here to process and decompress. It has nothing to do with DDLG, so feel free to come back for the next post and I’ll see you then. 😉 Now let’s dive in.
I. Friendships are Hard to Make as an Adult:
I was pondering this morning about how difficult it can be to make lasting friendships as an adult. There was an image circulating around Instagram that is a “code” for Littles to use while out in public to signal to other littles that you are, in fact, a little. You simply draw a crown on the top of your hand. Then, if you’re ever out and you see another person with a crown on their hand you can walk up to them and say: “I have a Little question” to which they will reply, “And I have a Little answer!”.
Theoretically I love having a code to use to keep our lifestyle discreet while out in public and still allows Littles to connect. But unless you live in a major populated area… it’s unlikely that you’ll come across another Little in your hometown. (I know I haven’t met any in my hometown yet). This image/system made me pause and think. As children we are shoved into all kinds of activities: sports, drama, school, clubs, etc. that opens the door for opportunities to make friends. But, I’m one of those adults that moved around often as a child, and therefore never made friends. By the time I graduated high school I was pretty much on my own.
Now as an adult I feel socially awkward at times. I can hold my own well in a conversation, but rarely do I ever go out of my way to walk up to someone and say, “Hi! How are you?”. So, yeah… making friendships as an adult can be hard. Do I crave friendships? At times, sure. But, with friendships comes issues that sometimes I just don’t want to deal with. Which leads me to….
II. Anger and hatred (even if not directed at you) is still wrong:
I have a friend who I speak with fairly regularly. We aren’t super close, but I know them well enough and they talk with me often. They are a newly married couple, and the wife absolutely fumes at her husband because he has female friends. Now there is no inappropriate conversations happening, or flirting going on with the husband and his female friends. But the wife was texting me, livid as can be, simply because her husband was consoling a friend in their time of grief and the friend happened to be female. At first, I tried offering gentle advice that since the husband was faithful, loyal, and loving towards her, that perhaps her own insecurities were just bubbling to the surface. But my friend went on and on and on… absolutely filled with anger and rage. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen her go off the mental deep end.
Having this experience and conversation with her made me take pause. Sometimes in life there are people who are so filled with anger and hate that their judgment is clouded. Nothing you say, or do will ever make them see reason. As a friend, I believe that if a friend is about to make a poor decision (or already has made one) that I should speak up. Yes, I want to be there for my friend in support, but I also have morals and values that I stand by too. When you come across someone who is so angry all the time that they are spewing venom and hate, even if it’s not directed at you, then perhaps it’s time to protect yourself. I don’t like being around such negative energy. Even when I don’t internalize it, I can feel the strain a bit on my emotions because the conversations get so heavy.
And so I process. I decompress from such moments and then I let it go. But there comes a point where we have to protect ourselves and not expose our emotions to people who are constantly pessimistic.
III. It’s okay to let toxic friendships go:
Speaking of standing up to friends, I had another friend who did something that I felt was wrong. I called him out on it in a polite manner, but things quickly turned cold. I’ll explain. We both are on Instagram and both identify within the Cg/l community. My stance in regard to the underage Cg/l community is that, while I respect and even agree that minors should not participate within BDSM until they are of legal age, I firmly believe that resources should be available for curious minors who just want to learn more about being a dominant or a little. Teenagers have hormones and curiosity enough that they will find out what the community is like one way or another. It’s better to provide safe outlets for them, rather than shunning them completely. Let’s educate them properly so that by the time they are 18 and can participate, they know what they’re getting into.
That said, many Cg/l people on Instagram will put the phrase: “Specify age or be blocked”, or something to that effect. I do not put this on my profile. My friend does. So, a female requested to follow him. She didn’t have an age on her profile. Okay, fine. He could have blocked her, declined the request, and simply moved on. But did he? Nope! Instead, I went on Instagram and saw a post from him where he had screenshotted this strangers complete profile, picture, name, etc. and put the caption: No name. No age. Not only do you get declined… but I have a surprise for you. And then he put a second screenshot of him blocking her profile.
If there is one thing that really fires me up it’s bullying and shaming someone. I absolutely cannot stand cyber-bullying! My friend had gone out of his way to “out” this woman and block her openly, and for what? To mock that she didn’t put her age on her profile? It was ridiculous and unnecessary. So, I sent him a private text telling him that I thought his post was uncalled for. That as his friend, and as a fellow Christian, what he did was wrong. That this person might have their reasons for not putting their age on their profile. But to judge her for doing so and to make a mockery out of her in the manner that he did, was completely uncalled for. He removed the post and apologized to me, but it strained our friendship for sure.
IV. Stand up for what you believe in:
Here’s the thing that has bothered me all week with these two individuals. The world is already struggling. There is so much hatred, anger, violence, division, and corruption that we don’t need to add to the problem by hurting other people. Whether you’re religious or not, we should all be kind. Maybe that’s naive of me to say so, but I honest to God believe in the power of being kind. I believe in treating others the way you want to be treated. I believe in having hope and looking at things optimistically. Do I get down sometimes? Of course. But do I stay down? I honestly don’t. I consider myself a “fighter” in the sense that when life throws me curve balls, and it certainly has, that I get “scrappy” and figure out how to pick myself up again.
I believe that who you hang around, matters. People will rub off on you whether you’re conscious of it or not. You will begin to pick up on their mannerisms, language, and behavior, so choose wisely with whom you share your time. I don’t have many friends at all, but I like my life relatively quiet. I bask in a drama-free lifestyle. I guess with every passing year I realize that there are people who you just need to quietly walk away from, and people who you should hold on tight to.
Thanks for listening to me vent, everyone. That’s it from me for this post. Stay tuned for the next one. Have a beautiful night, be kind to one another, and as always, keep on smiling! 🙂