Hi My Friends,
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and I hope you all had a beautiful one. Around here things have been busy for me. I have declared 2019 to be the year that I reclaim my health and overcome my anxiety. For those new to my blog, welcome! *BIG HUGS*! It’s great to have you here. I’m Penny. A little who is married to my Daddy for 5 years, together for 6. (Here’s to many more). ❤
Yesterday while the world was Netflix and chilling, I…. was having an MRI. Yup, there I was, feeling super tiny in this GIANT machine that was oh-so-loud having my brain scanned. It was pretty scary. But let me back things up and give you the full picture of why I haven’t been writing the past week or so.
For over a decade I have had anxiety, and for years I have simply “coped with it”. Like many others out there, I learned methods to navigate through the good and bad days. In the privacy of my life I would avoid certain situations that I knew were triggers for my nerves rising (i.e. large crowds). Here and there I would have “off” days where I would feel jittery and especially anxious. And all the while my Daddy would be extra patient with me. As a person drawn to earthy, hippie, crunchy, organic living, I really didn’t want to dive into medications for anxiety. Nope! “Not me”, I told myself, “that is NOT gonna happen”.
But then my anxiety began to creep up again. Only this time, those natural methods weren’t good enough. 😦
My time feeling Little grew less and the time spent feeling anxious and exhausted grew. I began to feel panicked and retreated from the world again. But as a Southern girl with a fiery tongue I decided “to heck with this”, and declared 2019 to be the year that I fight back! So, I went and got professional help. In fact, I have a whole medical team around me now.
Those scary pills that used to freak me out, now help me calm down and actually enjoy life. I can feel normal and productive again. Has it been easy? Oh gosh no. I was pretty tired there for a while. Now, you’re probably wondering, “Yeah, but why did you get an MRI?”. I’m getting there.
So in the process of seeing my anxiety recorded, unfold, and facing it head on, I also had to rule out some pretty sinister things that could be happening up in my brain. *Puts my paws over my eyes*! It’s scary! So the doctors ordered an MRI and off I went to the center. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” a cheerful nurse told me all while handing me scrubs to change into for the scan. “You too” I meeped, and looked at the scrubs. Clearly, these were a “one size fits all” and since I live in California, that meant that it was “one size fits every twig”. But, I squeezed my bum into the pants and yanked on the gown. Now it was time for the test.
I have been known to crack a joke or two in the face of medical adversity. Yesterday was no different. My heart was thumping as I laid down in this table/tube contraption. The kind nurse put in ear plugs and then a giant, sound proof headset over my ears. “We need to protect your hearing!” she said with a smile. “THERE SHOULD BE TECHNO MUSIC!” I said, likely a bit too loudly. I saw the nurse bust out laughing as she walked out of the room to her station. Well, there wasn’t techno music. Just a bunch of whirring and zapping and shaking as I moved back and forth into the MRI machine. For a split second I felt like one of those Cryo-Kids from “What Happened to Monday?” (if you haven’t seen that movie on Netflix. Do it. It’s awesome).
Then the test was over, and y’all… I have never changed back into my clothes and LEAPED into my Daddy’s arms so fast. He had to wait in the lobby, but as soon as I got out I flopped into his arms exhausted. As a rain storm pummeled our car on the way home from the MRI, I felt about as gloomy as the sky. Daddy glanced over at me quietly. “What would my baby like?” he said softly. I shrugged. I had nothing left to give. We pulled into a tiny restaurant near our home and he jumped out of the car getting drenched as he went inside. I leaned against the car window. A few minutes later I saw him carrying a hot pizza and some dish towards the car. “Pizza for me…” he grinned, “and mac and cheese for you”.
Even in that quiet, dark moment he knew that mac and cheese would cheer me up. The creamy, comfort food soothed my belly as we snuggled in bed. I didn’t even make it to 9:30 pm before I passed out. But you know what? Maybe that’s what Valentine’s is really all about: sharing a love so pure and giving that it takes your breath away.
I’m going to do my best to write on here as often as I can. Thank you all for being patient and sticking around. Sending much love your way today, and as always my friends, keep on smiling ❤