I was sitting here early this morning, curled up with my unicorn tea mug thinking about today’s topic. There are so many things that come to mind when I think of the difficulties of being in a Cg/l relationship. My actual relationship with my Daddy is beautiful, tender, warm, trusting, and transparent. Most times it is the largely “vanilla” world that presents obstacles that we navigate to keep ourselves exposed as a kink-couple, and yet not too exposed. I’ll give you a perfect example. My daddy and I recently moved to a farm. We’re renting a small house on this massive piece of land from a wonderful, older, retired couple. The house is quiet with just enough space to let us fulfill all of our needs. We get to feed chickens and have our own garden. My inner Little side squeals at being so deeply connected to the earth.
Every morning I open the blinds to greet the morning sun. Right there, smack in my view is an old chicken coup that is now a shed. It isn’t ugly, but it’s a simple wood board and tin shed. So it isn’t aesthetically pleasing. I asked the couple if I could paint the shed and they gave me creative liberty to go for it. So, off to the hardware store I went. With paint buckets in hand, I returned home last night to show off the colors that I picked. I don’t think the couple had intended upon me choosing pastel colors to paint the boards. But, thankfully, they took it in stride. I could see their faces puzzled as to why I would choose gentle, pastel colors. I felt my heart begin to race before blurting out, “I got inspiration from your garden!”. Okay, so it was kind of a lie.
It’s those moments where I have to suppress my Little side a bit. I love pastel colors. If I could be a walking cotton candy complete with glitter all over, I would be. Pastel colors makes me happy. And to look at this kawaii shed first thing in the morning would certainly make me smile. 🙂 I’ll update you all with a photo when the painting is complete. And now, onto today’s topic.:
I. People Greatly Misunderstand the Cg/l Community:
There are so many myths and misconceptions about the cg/l community that by far, this is the hardest thing about being in a Cg/l relationship. Nothing makes my blood boil faster then to have a dominant be called a pedophile. Nothing could be farther from the truth! I have said this countless times, but I think it needs so much emphasis: A Cg/l relationship is two legal adults coming together consensually to create a bond that may or may not include sexual activity. Some Cg/l couples view their bond as a kink (having a sexual attraction to the age play aspect), while other couples use their Little Space in a non-kinky way (more playful and does not involve sex at all). There is no right or wrong way to be a Cg/l couple, as long as both partners are of a healthy mindset and everything is done with consent and safety above all else.
It is the larger vanilla world that doesn’t understand why Littles are the way we are. They don’t understand our need to regress and the freedom that a D/s relationship provides. They are quick to judge our preferences towards kawaii fashion, and wearing clothing that is specifically designed by Cg/l companies for Littles. There is this notion that once you’re a biological adult, that all youthful tastes should cease immediately. That to regress in age is viewed as “immature” and unhealthy. To be frank, this mindset disgusts me for so many reasons. So, I’ll leave this topic and simply state that it can be a delicate balance to be “out of the Little closet” while still protecting yourself from judgmental non-kinky people.
II. Finding Your Feet as a Little:
So many times I hear people new to the community gush about how excited they are to be a dominant or a Little. “Where did you hear about us?” I ask them. Nine times out of ten they will say, “YouTube”. Now, don’t get me wrong. YouTube is great, and I love all of the DDLG/LB creators out there who are making content and showing off our lifestyle. Rock on, and keep on posting. But it is important to remember that just as no two people are alike, no two Littles are alike either. You need to be the Little that YOU are meant to be. Find and explore things that are meaningful to you. Just as tea parties and picture books are important to my Little Space, you need to discover what things are important to yours.
Reflect on your own childhood. What games did you love to play? Were there things that you missed out on, that perhaps you can incorporate into your Little Space now? It can be intimidating to slip on a onesie for the first time. I remember when I purchased all of my Little clothes. My heart was pumping and I wondered if I would look silly. But then, I yanked on a onesie that had a hoodie at the top. I love hoodies in general. They are my favorite top to wear. I pulled up the hood and stood in front of the mirror. I was still me, but now I looked cute with a glow in the dark onesie on! Find attire that makes you feel small, happy, and youthful. The goal is to become the Little that you feel inside. We all have an “inner child” that is yearning to bust out and be creative. We just need to take the time to let it shine.
III. Finding the “Right” Dominant (or Submissive):
This is a major problem for many people, and I am no exception to falling over this obstacle at the start of my own journey into the Cg/l lifestyle. We all have different needs, wants, and desires. We “click” with certain types of personalities, and we don’t with others. This isn’t right or wrong, but it’s simply a fact. It’s important to be honest with ourselves to know what our true needs are. Now, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Are you ready?
- To the Littles out there: If you’re bouncing from one dominant to the next trying to find the “right” one, stop. No, I mean it. STOP. There is no such thing as the “right” dominant. There are qualities that a dominant must possess to be a healthy daddy or mommy. Obviously, never allow yourself to be abused. Be sure to have a contract in place, and do take time to fill out a relationship questionnaire. (Check out the FREE printables section to print off both of these documents ❤ ). But, if you’ve got a list of things that a dominant must be that is a mile long…. honey, you’re going to be miserable. It doesn’t matter if a dominant is tall, short, fat, thin, rocking a 6-pack, or has a giant cock. It doesn’t matter if your mommy has large breasts or tiny buds. It doesn’t matter if they have a tan worthy of a Greek god, or if they have the best teeth a dentist has ever seen. What matters is how they treat you! Are they kind? Are they loving? Are they mature, and has a good head on their shoulders? Are they grounded in their own life to be able to care for another human being? These are the important things to look for. It really does hurt dominants to lose their littles when they abruptly cut things off with little to no explanation.
- To the Dominants out there: If you’re looking for the “perfect” Little that looks like she jumped out of a manga complete with the schoolgirl outfit, white panties, and large breasts…. STOP. Be realistic in your expectations. There are qualities that a Little/Submissive should possess and those are the things to look for. Do they have a natural “servant’s heart”? Do they have a natural inclination to give unto others before indulging in themselves? Are they kind and trusting? Do they value your opinion and yearn to show you respect? Do they keep their temper in check and are able to communicate their needs to you? Are they forthcoming about their feelings and are transparent about what they want in the relationship? Those are the things you want to look for in your Little. You cannot guide and care for a Little who isn’t able to articulate their feelings to you.
I want to wrap up this post with a final thought. If you are in a Cg/l relationship and are struggling, take a moment of pause. Stop trying to look for the “right” partner, and instead choose to be the right person to your partner. Don’t try and change who your partner is. Work together to make the relationship healthy again. Cg/l break up’s are deeply painful and it saddens me when I hear from people who have broken up with their significant other. Before you pull the plug, see what things you can do to make things better and to heal. Having a full time Cg/l relationship is a beautiful gift. It is something to cherish and can bring you joy and happiness.
Know that you are worthy of this kind of happiness. You are completely worth it, my friend. You are special. You are unique. And you are loved. Alright, that’s it for today’s post. Stay tuned for another topic tomorrow. Have a wonderful Thursday, and as always, keep on smiling! 🙂