A very Happy Friday to you!! We made it to another weekend. Yay!! Do you have any plans for this weekend? Yesterday I was feeling pretty blue (as you could see in the last post), so Daddy and I ended up going outside to paint the gazebo in the yard. We laughed getting covered in white paint from head to toe. It was cathartic and relaxing. Then I came inside and read the most beautiful comment on here, which completely lifted my spirits. So thank you to all of you that liked, and commented on my blog post. You all are the BEST! *BIG HUGS*!!
Today’s topic is all about coming “out” to your family and friends about being a Little. Personally, I have come out to my family as being kinky, different, or as they prefer to think of me… “the black sheep of the family”. For me, coming out was more of a journey. After living in a tumultuous home during my teenage years, I left home the day after high school graduation. I was 18. Living locally to my father and stepmom, I got a job at a donut shop in town. I had been dating a boy whom my parents didn’t approve of, and we began having sex. Somehow word trickled through the tiny, Southern town that I lived in, and my father came into the shop that morning. With a wave of his hand I knew it was time to take my 15 minute break.
We sat down across the table from each other. For once, my normally stern, authoritarian father looked uncomfortable. “Are you fucking?” he asked me bluntly. Now it was my turn to blush! “Uh…. yes?” I squeaked. Without a word he left the shop and we didn’t speak for over a year. Then, when I was 23 years old my mother found my porn stash in a bunch of boxes in my garage. By that point in life, I was self-supporting and had moved an hour or so away. Still, you can imagine my embarrassment when my mother saw pictures of me giving my then-boyfriend a blowjob! At that point, my gossipy family began to suspect that I wasn’t really a missionary type of girl.
More years went by. My love life changed and as I neared my 30’s I had met my first dominant. I was so new to the world of BDSM, but as a creative, and imaginative person I was ready for kinky, wild sex! We were a long distance D/s couple, that meant we had to get creative. After a random night of him commanding me to keep a butt plug in for hours…. I landed in the E.R. with a hot doctor giving me my first (and last) anal fisting as he removed it from my rump! Of course, my mom was on my emergency contacts list with the hospital, so can you guess who got a call at 6 am? “YOU DID WHAT?!” she yelped into the phone and then fell silent. I guess my mom was never into anal play (tehehe!)
Finally last Halloween I came out to my mother as being a submissive. I’m sure by that point she wasn’t entirely surprised. Now, at 34 years old, it’s easy for me to toss up my hands and say, “yup, I’m kinky”. But it wasn’t always that way. So, here’s a bit of advice from me to you if you’re thinking about coming out of the Little Closet:
I. Know that as you get older, it does get easier:
I once heard someone tell me that as you age, you begin to give less fucks. It’s so true. Not that I’m old, mind you, but your mind changes as you age. You begin to love yourself more, and care less about the opinion of others who judge you. You embrace all of yourself, including your Little side, and let a more authentic version of yourself show. Did you know that there is this woman (named Kitten! Gotta love that name 😉 ) who has only worn the color pink for the last 36 years? They call her “The Pink Lady of Hollywood”. Talk about a woman who has fully embraced what she loves, and who she is!! So, too, will you grow into your Little side and embrace who you are. I believe in you, my friend. I know you will experiment with what feels right in this lifestyle and learn to to be “subtly Little” while out and about in public.
II. We don’t shock vanilla people but that doesn’t mean we hide it either:
As a rule in the BDSM world, there is the number one rule to never intentionally shock vanilla people. Obviously we aren’t going to sashay through a department store in onesies and booties. However, I proudly march out in public wearing denim overalls and a cute onesie beneath it. People hardly notice that I’m Little, while deep inside I’m squealing with joy to be “subtly” wearing my Little clothes while out and about. For me, I love kawaii-rainbow fashion. The brighter something is, the better. So my path to being subtly Little in public is to dump glitter, rainbows, and unicorns all over what I’m wearing. People just think that I rolled around in Claire’s and shopped till I dropped! (lol).
Find a fashion style that works with you. Yes, it’s a big vanilla world, but there are so many ways you can be kinky out in public without turning a bunch of heads. Maybe you’re into a more goth/rock style? Try wearing cute, black mesh sleeve accessories or mix and match clothing that feels Little and playful, with your normal attire.
III. Having “The Talk” with the people you’re closest to:
I’m going to teach you a trick that has worked for me for many, many years. Are you ready? It’s called The Compliment Sandwich. Whenever I have a difficult topic to share with someone, I always begin the conversation with a warm compliment. Then I slip in the actual information, and then I wrap up the conversation thanking them for listening. So imagine talking to your parents as something like this:
Me: “Mom, Dad, I wanted to talk to you about something personal about me. I know you’ve always been there for me, and I love that I can open up and tell you anything” (Compliment 1/ “The Bread”)
Parents: “Okay…. where is this going?” (I’m assuming your parents are skeptical/conservative like mine were lol)
Me: “I want you to know who I am as a person. I believe that we all have an inner child, and I like to express mine as a Little” (The REAL Info/ “The Middle of the Sandwich”)
Parents: “A what?”
Me: “This means that I still love Disney movies, snuggling up with plushies, and wearing happy, bright clothing” (The REAL Info/ “The Middle of the Sandwich”)
Let me pause here for a moment. You need to gauge your family and ONLY give them the information that you want them to know. If you want to give a “watered down” version of being a Little (as stated above) go for it. If you want to go all the way and tell them about age regression and being in a Cg/l relationship, do it! You have to do what is comfortable for you! ❤ Okay, let’s continue.
Me: “So, I just want you to know who I am, and what I love, because I love you and I always want to be open with you” (Compliment 2/ “The Bread”)
IV. Connect with like minded Littles who are similar to YOU:
When I first began in the lifestyle, my head spun trying to learn all of the terms. AB…? Cg….? Binkie….? And what’s a woobie?? I felt lost and confused. Now of course I know all of these terms, and it’s my mission to help guide other Littles into embracing your most authentic version of yourself. That means, I encourage you to explore the various aspects within the Little Community. Discover if you’re more of an adult baby… a Little… or a Middle/Teen. Experiment with clothing, toys, movies, etc. and let your soul be your guide. You will know quickly what things make you feel happy and small, versus things that just don’t feel right.
Pro Tip: While I love Instagram (come say hi to me @daddyandpennyberry!) it is NOT a good indication of how you should be as a Little. Many of the images you see on Instagram are models who get paid to promote products for Cg/l companies. You don’t need to wearing onesies to be a Little. You don’t need to look a certain way to feel small. It’s all on the inside, my friend.
Lastly, I have created a GIANT list of informational resources, including: Cg/l forums and websites, DDLG YouTubers, books to read, etc. that is a great place to begin your journey. Check out these sources and see if any connects with you. If nothing else: knowledge is power and the more knowledgeable you are about our lifestyle, the more confident you will feel moving forward.
Alright, that’s it from me for this post, my friends! Stay tuned for tomorrow’s topic. Have a wonderful weekend, and I’ll see you back here tomorrow! 🙂