This moment, right here and now as I’m typing this to you, is a perfect example of tonight’s discussion topic. It’s currently 9:21 pm. I’m sitting here in bed with a cup of tea wearing my pajamas. My writing notes are covering the comforter and in the next room my little one is sleeping soundly to her music box. Yes, let’s go there and discuss one major aspect of my life (and many of yours I’m sure) that I’ve always kept out of my blog: my kiddo. Yup, I’m a mom! 🙂
In the world of Cg/l and DDLG we seldom hear D/s couples discuss their children. But the fact remains that while we are Little, we are still adults with normal everyday lives. We work, pay bills, get married, and yes…. have children. Tonight I want to shine a light on how to balance parenthood while being in a D/s relationship.
I. Family Comes First– Always!:
I’m going to give you the straight facts with no b.s. here. I’m a Little in a full-time, live-in D/s relationship with my Daddy (who is also my husband). I’m 34 years old and I’m a mother of one. That said, if you were to ask me what the order of my priorities are it would look something like this: I’m a mother first (always), a wife second, and a Little last. It’s not that I don’t care about being a Little. In fact, I deeply nurture and make space for little time. However, being a parent is a full-time job that requires much of my attention. My child needs me to be all-in, hands-on with my undivided attention. That means that I had to learn to be a master at scheduling things in my personal life.
While my child is awake I’m completely focused on her. While “Little Me” pulses deep inside of my soul, on the outside I am mommy. I am her guardian and her guide. I turn down the volume on my Little side, and step into my adult life. It’s necessary and a role that I value with all of me. I love being a parent, and there is no contest when it comes to placing value between my child and my little space time. Family comes first– always!
II. Scheduling Little Space:
So now that you know that I’m a mother, you might be wondering how I’ve made time to be Little. How have I published two books on DDLG and continue to actively post on Instagram in my Little Space? I’m a master at scheduling. From the moment that I wake up, to the moment that my head hits the pillow at night, I have a pretty good idea of how my day will go. I have to-do lists that are detailed, complex, and color coordinated. I am in constant communication with my Daddy who helps balance our life so that I have time to write in between family activities.
By making time for Little Space I guarantee that my needs are getting fulfilled, but they never shift my priorities. I divide my time to balance all of my responsibilities while still leaving room for self-care. Do I run myself hard? Yes. Is it easy to keep to such a tight schedule? Not always. But I prefer having an organized, tidy, scheduled life to ensure that everyone’s needs are being met.
III. Being Discreetly Little Around the Kids:
I have to put a disclaimer out there that you need to be the judge of how much (or little) you tell your child about your lifestyle. I had my daughter when I was young, so now she is just entering the teenage years. As such, she is able to understand bits and pieces about my lifestyle. I don’t go into full detail (nor do I need to) but she understands the concept of what having an “inner child” is. There are times when you might feel Little but the kids are still awake. This is completely normal. In those moments, I would encourage you to communicate with your dominant. Have them pull you aside to take a couple of minutes in another room to snuggle and feel small.
If you’re able, give your child a snack and prepare a little snack for you too! Your child will simply smile that you’re eating the same thing and you can discreetly satiate your desire to regress without completely slipping into little space. Turn on an animated movie and snuggle up with your kiddo. Take them to the playground and go on the swings side by side. There are many activities you can do with your child that will allow you to feel Little on the inside while still maintaining your role as the parent.
IV. What It’s Like to be a Parent and a Little:
As a mother and a Little I can attest that it’s pretty great to live this lifestyle while having a child. Obviously I never bring my child into my Little Space. That would be inappropriate and I would discourage other parents from doing that too. Your child needs you to maintain the role of the parent while they are awake and that is your job. However, being a Little and having a daughter also means that I get to have lots of fun with her in ways that other mothers probably don’t experience. I love all things kawaii and so does my child. We both squeal as we shop at Claire’s and Hot Topic. We clink unicorn mugs together over tea time, and she loves it that I can easily keep up in our Disney sing-a-thon that we have regularly in our house.
She loves it that I’m down for new adventures, and we both completely melt over any animal that we feed, pet, or play with. I love pink and she loves purple. I love purses and shoes and she loves holographic clothing. We both sing Backstreet Boys songs at the top of our lungs and swoon over k-pop bands. Being a Little allows me to be a really fun Mom and enjoy youthful things as I guide and teach my daughter all about the world. I don’t consider myself to be her “friend”. I’m her mom. I still lay down the law in this house when need be. But I am a fun, quirky, colorful, kawaii-clad mom who she appreciates being different from the other moms.
V. Using the D/s Dynamic to Demonstrate a Healthy Marriage:
I want to end this discussion on a final note about being in a D/s relationship and having kids. When you’re in a D/s relationship that is also your marriage your child will see some of the natural dynamics. It’s bound to happen. My child sees that my Daddy (and husband) is the head of the household. She sees that he makes the final call on things, but that he values my opinion deeply. She sees that he nurtures and cares for my every need, and in turn I happily serve him. She sees the traditional gender roles that we value in our home.
Being in a D/s relationship and being a submissive means that I yearn to serve my Daddy. I love cooking his favorite meals. I enjoy going out of my way to make my family comfortable and to keep everyone smiling. I take time out of my day to pull my Daddy aside and allow him to decompress after a long day at work. My daughter sees these actions. She watches me care for my husband with an open, and loving heart. She knows that I have a desire to serve the man that I’ve pledged my life to. I strongly believe that children can appreciate seeing their parents connect and love each other in a healthy D/s relationship. They can see you care for the home and your dominant. They can see you do small acts of kindness, without seeking anything in return. They will take those lessons that you’ve modeled and implement them into their own lives when they’re older. It is completely possible to be a dominant or submissive and still be a great, healthy, well-rounded parent. 🙂
I know parenthood isn’t a topic that is routinely brought up in our community. Little Space doesn’t factor in our “Big Me” lives. But I choose to believe that we can support each other as Littles by also opening up lines of communication for people who are doms or littles, who are parents as well. It is possible to be both. It is possible to balance all the parts of you, while keeping your family life strong. I know, because I live it everyday. I hope you all found this post helpful. Stay tuned for the next topic! Have a wonderful night, and I’ll see you all back here in the morning! Goodnight my friends!