Day 16 of Little Introspection: Do You Have a Contract With Your Caregiver?

Hi Friends!

I was reflecting on how to approach this topic this morning. I could simply tell you that, yes, I do have a special Cg/l contract with my Daddy. And I do. However, today I want to share with you why I have chosen to have a contract with my Daddy. There are reasons behind us having a contract despite being a happily married couple of 6 years now. So let’s dive in. 🙂

I. A D/s Dynamic is Different From a Vanilla Relationship: 

I’ve seen people cringe at the word “contract” when I’ve casually asked if they have one with their dominant. Perhaps we should call it by a new name? But in truth, relationship contracts have been around for centuries. Take the Jewish Ketubah, for example. Still today, husbands and wives will sign this marital contract that has promises to each other to uphold in their relationship. In other cultures there are the promises of dowries and the like. So, too, does a D/s relationship have its own dynamic that requires both adults to understand what they are getting into. A dominant and submissive must be of healthy mind and body to be able to enter into the relationship. They should be well aware of what it entails and able to perform the necessary duties.

Unlike a vanilla relationship where both parties are considered equals, there is a reason that a dominant is called a dominant. They are expected to lead, guide, nurture, and protect their submissive. The dominant must be patient, wise, understanding, and extremely attentive to help ease their submissive through the ebb and flow of emotions. Likewise, the submissive must be able to surrender their body and mind to the dominant. Yes, they are a legal adult with free will like anyone else. However, they need their dominant to help them achieve their goals. They have a deep yearning to serve their caregiver and to aid in their happiness. The submissive is passionate, gentle, loving, and obedient. They are respectful and honest above all else. These fundamental character qualities must be present prior to a contract being established and it’s important that both parties assess if their dom/sub is the right match for them. Once they have determined that they want a D/s relationship with their partner, then it’s time for the contract to be drawn up…

II. Getting Into the Nitty Gritty of Things: 

Just as we ask a million questions to our partner while dating, so too should this happen while drawing up a contract with your Cg/l. You need to know what their kinks and fetishes are. You need to know what fantasies they want to explore. There might be differences that you have, and some in which you don’t want to do at all! In our lifestyle, we call those “hard limits”. You’ll want to express what your hard limits are to your dom or sub. You never, EVER want to do anything that your heart isn’t into. Consent is everything in the world of Cg/l and BDSM, and it begins by being honest about what you’re comfortable with and what you aren’t.

Another important reason for drawing up a contract is that it motivates both you and your dominant to be completely transparent with each other. You’ll need to tell your partner if you view the Cg/l relationship as a kink or not. Do you want your little space to be sexual? Do you have a sexual attraction to the aspect of having a daddy dom or mommy domme? Do you wish for your little space to be non-sexual? Are you using the Cg/l relationship to tenderly heal from another trauma or mental illness? These are important talking points to address as you draw up the contract together. They will also dictate to your dominant what kind of rules they should create, and what your goals are that they can help push you towards.

Knowing the nuances of your partner is beautiful, touching, and deeply moving. Opening up your soul to your partner may not be the easiest thing in the world, but trust me that it is vital to do so, to have a deeply fulfilling Cg/l relationship.

III. You Should Know Your Dominant’s Limits Too: 

There is so much focus on what the Little is comfortable with, and what a Little needs to be happy. But there is less discussion about a dominant’s needs. Have you ever wondered how it would feel to paddle someone you love? Or how it would feel to tie them up in rope and fuck them while they’re gagged? How about what it would feel like to change a wet diaper on your partner? These are all aspects that the dominant must think about and decide if it’s an attraction (or not) for them. You need to know what limits your dominant has. Hold space and allow your daddy or mommy to tell you openly what kinds of kinks and fetishes they are comfortable with.

Find out their limits and things that make them feel uncomfortable too. Many people love knife play, while others shrink away at the mere thought of marking their submissive’s skin. Being in a D/s relationship is being one half of a whole. Things just won’t work if you don’t work together.

IV. A Name Isn’t Just a Name: 

Lastly, a contract also dictates the name in which you and your dominant wish to be called in the relationship. In a vanilla relationship we hear “honey”, “love”, “baby”, “sugar”, etc. used interchangeably. But this isn’t the same in a D/s relationship. After going through training with your dominant, you will be gifted the name that applies to your submission. That is your new name. You will want to discuss what kind of name fits your soul. When my Daddy and I were choosing names for me, I told him flat-out that I could never be called princess or angel. (No offense to those who have these names). But while I wear kawaii-clothing, I have a bit of a tomboy side to me too. Princess and angel felt like they were too “fluffy” for my personality.

So after much discussion we settled on the name, Kitten. I love to curl up under blankets because I’m often cold.  In fact, I love falling asleep in front of the heat dish. 🙂 I love my hair being stroked, and I pick at my food for quite a while before I finish my plate. My spirit animal really is a kitten. You and your dominant will find a name that works for you both. Ask your daddy or mommy what name they prefer to be called too! Do they wish to be Daddy or Mommy? Sir or Madam? Owner or Master? Ma’am or M’Lord? They will know in their heart what title they want as your dominant.

Having a relationship contract can feel so “formal” but really, it’s just a piece of paper that dictates what is important to you and your partner. It’s putting on paper things that are the foundation of your relationship. And since I know you’re in your relationship for the long run, it’s a step that I’m sure you’ll be willing to take. 🙂

Alright, that’s it from me for this post, my friends. Stay tuned for the next topic. Have a wonderful Wednesday, and as always, keep on smiling!

Much love,

~Penny xx

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