I’m the type of girl who hates it when people sugar-coat things, so for the sake of honesty and being 100% me, I’m gonna keep it real up in here. I’m hurting! My thighs are throbbing from the 6 miles of, basically jogging, that I did today. Do I regret it? No. Am I proud of myself that my curvy ass was out there working up a load of sweat and burning calories like mad? Hell yes! I’m beginning to realize just how much of a marathon this weight loss journey is going to be. That said, let’s dive into tonight’s reflection question.
I. The Mental Side: What Matters to Me Most?
All day as I worked out I reflected upon this question. What matters most to me? Obviously, the easy answers are my daughter and husband. Followed in a close second by the people who call themselves my friend. But at my core, I knew my real answer. The thing that matters most to me is time. I’m always chasing after time. Come home a little bit early. Take a few minutes to send that pen pal email letter. Text with me for a few minutes more. Please, don’t walk away! Throughout my life, time has been a currency that I didn’t have much of. People came and went. Lovers came and went. Biological family members came and went. And with each loss, all I could think of was, “if I only had a little bit more time”.
As I’m turning 35 this year, time is something that I hold as a precious commodity. If I give you my time and attention, it’s because I truly want to spend time with you. It feels good to my soul to take a few minutes together to smile, laugh, and just be. Admittedly, I struggle with the fear of people leaving my life. Like a child who needs their plushie, I often reach out first to my loved ones to make sure they’re still there. I guess that’s part of my anxiety baggage. The greatest lesson I’m having to learn right now is that I can’t control everything in my universe. If people are busy and can’t spend time with me, I have to be patient. If people walk out of my life, I can’t stop them. What I can control is what I say, and how I feel. I voice my feelings sincerely and then wait to see a reaction. In the end, I feel like it’s all I can do.
II. The Physical Side
Physically, I’m aching but gosh am I proud of myself for working out so hard! A big shout out to my personal trainer halfway across the world, for caring enough to kick my butt into gear. I owe you a giant hug! Today I walked briskly for 6 miles in 85 degree weather. I was a walking puddle of sweat. I’ve been eating salads nearly 3 meals a day. At times, I feel like a goat. I’m chugging water and holding my head high. Despite the physical obstacles, I feel this adrenaline rush to push just a little bit harder and see how far I can go. I never want to go back to the way I used to be…
That was me back in May 2015. I weighed in at 330 lbs. and I felt absolutely depressed! I laid there in the hospital in deep pain after just getting gastric bypass surgery. I was scared shitless about having my digestive system completely altered forever. My father had also gotten gastric bypass surgery, and after a few years, completely regained the weight back. I didn’t want to be another statistic of the people who failed. So I lay there, doped up on pain meds. unable to care for myself because I had stitches across my stomach, drinking 2 ounce cups of liquid every few hours. It was miserable. All because my obesity had spiraled out of control.
After surgery my weight began to slide off. You’re only allowed to have so many ounces of liquids and soft foods for the first 6 months of recovery. So, almost 1 year later I had lost 80 pounds. By 2 years later I had lost over 100 pounds.
So, here I am finishing what I started. It’s about damn time! (lol) 🙂 Thank you all for the love, support, and sweet messages cheering me on along the way. It means the world to me.
Goal: 1,700 kcal per day
Total calories consumed today: 760 kcals
Breakfast: Turkey, Bacon, and Cobb Salad, 220 calories
Lunch: Chicken Caesar Salad, 230 calories + 10 strawberries, 40 calories
Dinner: Chef Salad, 270 calories
Alright, that’s it from me for this post. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s little space topic! Have a wonderful evening, and I’ll see you all back here in the morning! 🙂