A while ago I wrote two articles that are similar to today’s topic. The first was the “5 Love Languages of Littles” and the second was an “Ideal Little and Caregiver Checklist and Printable”. If you missed those two posts, I recommend you go back and give them a read. Now, let’s examine today’s topic: what qualities should a Little possess? The journey of coming together as a dominant and Little is a slow dance. There are important steps that need to be taken to ensure that the very foundation of the relationship is intact. Today, we will cover those steps, along with pointing out qualities that a Little should be able to demonstrate.
I. The “Getting to Know You” Two Step: (Approx. duration: unique to the couple)
When you first meet a Little or dominant it is always an exciting time. Getting to know someone is fascinating and intriguing. Others might dub this “The Honeymoon Phase” of the relationship because everything feels fresh and exciting. In the journey of D/s, this is the time when you and your caregiver will fill out a kinks, fetishes, and taboo fantasies checklist, then swap answers with each other and discuss. You’ll also be filling out a relationship questionnaire to better understand each others background. Between the many, many talks you’ll have (both in person and on the phone) you will begin to discover what type of Little you’re exploring. Look for a few important qualities right off the bat:
- Is the Little attentive when you’re talking on the phone?
- Does the conversation flow naturally? Or does it feel forced?
- Do you have things in common other than being attracted to them as a Little?
- Is the conversation all about sexual attraction, or are there topics of substance in each interaction?
- Does the Little make you feel happy and excited to talk to them?
- Can you envision this person being a regular part of your life?
You will want a Little who is able to make space and time to weave you into their life. This is especially critical if you are a long distance couple. A Little should be able to articulate their feelings enough so that the potential dominant can begin to understand their needs and desires. You will need to make time to cultivate the relationship too. Many Littles are highly feeling people who need regular interaction and comfort to ensure that the relationship is stable. (At least in the beginning stage!). So, if you are serious about moving on to the next step, and you are enjoying connecting with your Little, be sure to put in the time.
II. The “Training Tango”: (Approx. duration: 4-8 weeks)
Once you’ve filled your proverbial cup with getting to know each other, then it’s time to ask your Little to formally be with you as their dominant and caregiver. This is a very serious step that shouldn’t be entered into lightly. Make space and time to have a lengthy conversation about why you want them as your Little. Make them feel desired and loved. Explain why you chose them to be your little and what you’re looking for in a submissive. Make your Little feel inspired and humbled to be chosen by you. Make them feel special and unique. (Because the truth is…. your Little should be your most valuable possession ❤ ). Once your Little accepts your offer, then it’s time for training! This is where the dominant does much of the heavy lifting. You will want to be prepared to sit down with your Little and do the following:
- Sketch out a plan of goals you want your Little to reach based upon their interests, desires, and personal goals.
- If you have rules you want to implement to correct certain behaviors, do so here and discuss them at length until you both consent to them.
- Implement a daily, regular schedule of when (and how) you will communicate with your Little. (Note: make sure to agree together how much time you and your sub will spend in both “big me” and “little me” time).
- Lay out the expectations that you have for your Little. Tell them exactly what you need as the dominant and what you’re looking for from them. You want to be as clear as you possibly can and answer any questions they may have.
Once you’ve gone through this lengthy (and sometimes multiple) conversation, you will want to put it all in writing in a relationship contract. Yes, it sounds formal, but it is so important. It will become a sacred document to share between the two of you as you journey together as a couple.
Then, it’s time to begin training! Follow the schedule that you’ve set forth for your Little. Keep an eye out and make note if your Little is:
- Obedient and happy to follow your instructions
- Respectful and kind towards you
- Forthcoming and open about their feelings every step of the way. (This is not the time to “sugar coat” things with each other 😉 ).
- Feeling comfortable in expressing their Little side with you
Now, you might be wondering, “but what if we are having issues?” or “what do I do if my Little is bratting or acting up?”. If you see your Little acting up you will need to take several steps:
- Immediately pull your Little aside and call them out on their behavior. Explain to them that what they are doing is wrong. Explain what (if any) punishment is going to happen because of their actions. Give them a chance to correct their behavior. (Note: When you approach your Little to discipline them, be careful with your tone and choice of words. Some littles can be quite tender-hearted and may cry while being disciplined).
- Find out the root issue that is making them act out. Sometimes a Little might be grumpy or bratting for a reason that is completely unrelated to you. Sit them down and really dig into their mind. Get them to open up about what’s really bothering them. Help them work through their feelings so that they can refocus and feel centered again.
III. Concluding Training with a Ceremony (and Collar Perhaps!): (Approx. duration: 1-3 days)
There are many ways that you can conclude training and signify to your Little that they have achieved your most basic expectations. At this stage, you two should be well settled into the relationship. Your Little has demonstrated that they yearn to be your submissive. They have completed your tasks, and demonstrated the ability the follow your commands and let you lead. They yearn to submit and surrender areas of their life to your control. They deeply love you, and being your submissive. At this point, you might want to go back and make amendments to your contract (if need be). You might gift them with a new and updated submissive name. Choosing a name for your submissive is a VERY important step and one that you both will want to discuss at length as most submissives are highly particular in what they prefer being called.
Once you’re ready to conclude training, the real journey of your relationship begins. It’s nice to signify this with some sort of ceremony. Some dominants gift their submissive with a collar while others gift a token, piece of jewelry, or take their submissive to someplace special. Decide what feels right for you. Your Little has gone to great lengths to make you happy throughout their training, and they are ready to dedicate themselves to you in a full-fledged relationship. Do something nice to show that you appreciate all of their hard work. If you need help coming up with ideas for a ceremony, I have designed a vows and collaring ceremony just for littles and their caregivers here!
And that’s it! You are officially bonded as a D/s couple! Now you can journey forth, working together to continue to fall in love, and enjoy each others company every step of the way. 🙂 If you’re interested in further reading about submissives and things to know about little space there are a few articles that I recommend. The first is “The Ten Commandments of Littles”. Your Little will certainly enjoy reading this fun twist on what most littles stand for. The second article is for dominants, titled, “Using the Menstrual Cycle as a Tool for Connecting in Little Space”. This is very important and helpful especially for live-in D/s couples or adult babies. The next article is “What to Do When You’re Angry in Little Space”. This is a helpful guide of how to recenter your little one when they have a case of the grumps. And lastly, there is an article about “What Character Qualities Does a Submissive Need to Have?” that is a wonderful read and will be helpful if you have a “hybrid little” (or a submissive interested in multiple forms of submission within the spectrum of BDSM).
Alright that’s it from me for this post, my friends! I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know! 🙂 Have a wonderful Sunday, keep smiling, and I will see you all back here tonight!