Parenthood & BDSM: How a D/s Relationship Can Create a Healthy Home [Part 3 of 10]

Hi Friends!

I’m back with another post in this series about being both a parent, and a submissive. Today I want to examine how living in a D/s relationship has the “trickle down” effect of creating a harmonious home. Since I began my blog, here and there on social media and privately through email, people have asked me how I am both a Little and a mother. They have wondered if my home is a vanilla environment, or if my lifestyle bleeds into the home at all. Today, I’m going to paint a picture for you of how my life as a submissive actually enhances my home environment.

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I. Traditional Gender Roles Creates a Stable Environment: 

Now, let me say before we kick things off that, yes, I am a feminist. (Which the very definition is someone who wants equality for both sexes). I am also proud to be a woman. That said, I am also proud to be a submissive woman. For as long as I can remember, I have been immersed by women in my family who have assumed the traditional gender role of being the ilaw ng tahanan (or the light of the home). My mother often threw dinner parties as a girl, and still is the best hostess I’ve ever seen. We knew to don skirts and dresses to church every Sunday morning. Both of my grandmothers taught the women how to cook and passed down recipes that I still adore making to this day. The men would sit together and laugh, work, and catch up, while the women fussed over the children, cooked, and celebrated in a shared sisterhood. It was just how we did things.

As I grew older things in my life changed. Society changed. A surge of women’s rights blew up in the media and female empowerment became the new face of women in the workplace today. I have no disagreement with any of it. In fact, I celebrate women having “girl power”. However, when it comes to the home, I tend to revert back to what I know, and to what feels comfortable. It feels fulfilling to cook home-cooked meals for my family daily. It feels right for the husband to be the head of the household. It feels right for me to oversee the home as my domain. I take pride in little acts of keeping our living space tidy. Watching my daughter grow, thrive, and learn. And to support my husband in all that he enjoys. By having traditional gender roles we all know what is expected from us as we each assume our role in the household. By doing so, my daughter sees the natural flow of a stable home and sees how each person contributes to the overall care of the home environment.

II. D/s Relationships Are Rooted in Respect, Love, and Loyalty: 

In our home, we use compassionate communication/nonviolent communication (which you can read more about from Dr. Marshall Rosenberg here). One thing that I love about being in a D/s relationship is the amount of love, respect, and loyalty you demonstrate. Unlike a vanilla relationship, where you can debate things for hours and hours, there is certain protocol adhered to in a D/s relationship. While everyone has an opinion, how you express that opinion is drastically different. In a D/s relationship, (at least from my experiences), you can’t just blurt out or “pop off” at your dominant. Have I slipped up and done that before? Of course. But honestly, most of the time, I actually don’t feel the need to argue of disagree. As the submissive, I know that my Daddy wants to hear my opinion on things. He asks for my feedback, and in doing so, I give it to him. It has also changed my mindset in learning to slow down.

Instead of looking for things to be critical on, or trying to think “five steps ahead” and give my husband a “honey do” list, I allow him to take the lead. I know that he is a grown man who can figure things out as he goes. It may not always be the way that I want them to be, but we have learned to trust each other implicitly, that there is now so much open dialogue that he asks for my opinion when he feels uncertain in doing something. It is at that point that I offer up my suggestion. In other words, I let him be a man and lead! 

I truly believe that all dominants need the ability to try, fail, and try again. They need a supportive partner to grab their hand, smile, and encourage them to get back up and keep on marching. D/s relationships are also rooted in deep love and loyalty. This is a huge part of the foundation of a healthy relationship that I cannot stress enough. If you’re in a D/s relationship, and your partner ever threatens to cut ties because they are simply angry– that’s a giant “red flag” my friends. A D/s relationship is one of the deepest bonds you can create with someone. It is unconditional, unwavering, and built through time, patience, and forged by overcoming obstacles together. It’s how you navigate those “valleys” of life that really do make a difference. When times get hard, do you begin to tear each other down? Or do you grab hands, and figure out a way to work through it together? In my D/s relationship, Daddy and I often say we are “bad boys for life”. It’s a saying hat makes us giggle. But the real meaning behind the phrase is that we are loyal to the end with each other.

I’ve seen him have my back in the darkest of times, and I have been there to have his back in his. I serve him because it comes from the core of my being. He has earned my trust, respect, love, and admiration. In that space of love and respect comes the desire to serve. In every connection that you make, begin by building your foundation in a place of complete transparency, honesty, trust, understanding, compassion, and respect. Deep respect. For it is there that the relationship will grow, and nurture to eventually create a bond that the world will be able to see and admire. By having such a deep, trusting bond that is rooted in respect and love, I truly believe that my child can feel the love between my husband and I. We keep our home quiet, stable, sure, and calm. In doing so, it keeps her happy, comforted, and her world stable and content.

III. Dressing Up is a Sign of Self Respect and Love: 

Another way that I feel that being in a D/s relationship keeps a happy home, is using our appearances to promote good hygiene, and respect for yourself. Now, I’m never going to be June Cleaver. (Bonus points if you get that TV show reference). I’m not going to vacuum my house in heels and pearls. No, thank you. However, I do believe in wearing clothing that appeals to your dominant. My Daddy loves to see my hips in jeans. So, I have a stack of jeans. I also believe that “your body is your temple”. So, I nurture my body by eating healthy, working out regularly, drinking tons of water, and wearing clothing that makes me feel like I’m expressing myself. I dress modestly, but still play around with colors and patterns. By doing so, I’m demonstrating to my child how to be proud of her body too.

IV. D/s Relationships Provide Structure: 

The last point I want to mention is how D/s relationships provide structure. My Daddy is not only my dominant, he is the head of our household. My daughter knows that if she acts up, daddy will hear about it and give her a talking to. She also knows that I’m more of the “nurturer” between the two of us, so she comes to snuggle up in my arms daily. Just as my Daddy gives me rules to adhere to around the home, he takes command and gives our child rules to follow too. We use our D/s dynamic to provide structure and order to our home, and you know what? It actually works out quite well! We support each others individual passions, interests, and creativity. We celebrate the weird, unusual, and magical. We are open-minded, liberal, earthy people… with a streak of conservative traditional values right down the middle. 🙂

Do you have a D/s relationship? How does it impact your life and the people in your home? Comment and let me know! I’d love to hear from you. Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. If you loved it, smash that like button and let me know. Otherwise, I hope you have a terrific Tuesday, and I will see you all back here on the next post!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

 

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