Today I want to talk about ghosting and why the heck people think it’s okay to do such a thing. Now before I begin to tear apart this asinine behavior, I want to share with you my personal experience with being ghosted. I had a male friend several years ago who was 7 years younger than I was. (First mistake: he is/was immature). We had met on World of Warcraft and gamed together for a bit before bonding as friends and then moving to voice chat. We loved hanging out on Ventrilo and Discord. Eventually we swapped phone numbers and began chatting on the phone. At the time, he was going through some life struggles and needed a friend to lean on. So naturally, I stepped in.
Months rolled by. Now by this point, he had sent me plenty of pictures of him as he was into M.M.A. and worked out constantly. He was quite proud of his 6-pack. (Side note: six packs are nice to look at, but suck to snuggle up on. Trust me. Dad-bods or having a belly is MUCH more comfy. But I digress). I chose to not send my picture. I just didn’t feel confident that he could like a B.B.W. like me. In the back of my mind I kept wondering what he saw in me. Meanwhile, our friendship grew deeper and deeper. I began to open up to him little bit by little bit. But still, I knew something was off when he rarely asked questions about my life, but instead preferred to talk about his life and problems. (Second mistake: never go for someone narcissistic. If your potential mate isn’t asking questions about your life, they aren’t interested).
After a year and a half of speaking, and watching him go through a roller coaster of a life experiences, we eventually dropped out of touch. I was sad, but I figured that his life had just taken him in a new direction. Suddenly, months later he resurfaced and called me on the phone! I was shocked and immediately we picked back up right where we left off. I was thankful to have him as a friend again. “We should video chat” he said one day. Now, after having spoken to him for so long, I agreed. “You know what? Screw it!” I said to my fears and pressed the FaceTime button. Up he popped on the screen and so did I. On that particular day, I was lounging around the house in a tank top and sweatpants. I didn’t have makeup on, and had told him as much. “I don’t care” he said nonchalantly, “I want to see your natural look anyway”. So we began talking. My voice trembled, but I pressed on with the conversation. Everything seemed fine and eventually we hung up. I had no idea that I would never hear from him again. Before we hung up he had said he would call the following day. But nothing came that day. Or the day after that, and so on. Eventually I figured out that I had been “ghosted”.
I. The Real Problem with Ghosting:
Ghosting is when someone (usually a romantic interest or someone who you have an emotional connection to) suddenly disappears without warning…. like a ghost. The real problem with ghosting is that the person who has just been ghosted suddenly worries that they’ve done something wrong. The person doing the ghosting likely doesn’t want to “hurt” the person, so they figure that if they simply cease contact that they can save face. But let’s get real here: it’s the most cowardly thing to do. No one really “wins” when you’re ghosting. The “ghoster” looks like an ass, and the person being ghosted feels miserable. Talk it out. If they aren’t your type, say so. Yes, the conversation will suck but sometimes having difficult decisions is just a part of life.
II. Do People Think This Method Actually Works?
I wonder what the heck runs through someone’s mind when they decide to ghost another person. Do they think, “hmm, I don’t feel like dealing with this. I know! I will simply not do anything at all and block them from every device I have! Yes, that will certainly solve things”? Do they believe that ghosting will actually solve…. anything? It solves nothing. Absolutely nothing. As a person who lives and communicates so openly, it blows my mind that people think that ghosting is an acceptable behavior. It’s as though they have little regard for another human’s emotions and feelings.
III. Serial Ghosters:
Now, admittedly I have taken a very non-traditional route in life. As such, I never “dated” before. I’ve never been asked on a date. I was never asked to prom. So, when a friend told me that there are people who ghost people on the regular when they date, I was baffled. “How does that work?” I asked, bewildered. My friend explained that when these people go on a date, and it doesn’t go to their liking, they simply move on without a word to the other party. There’s no text of: hey, I think you’re nice but I’m not sure that we’re a match. Nothing! They just simply move on as though people are rubbish. Count yourself lucky if you met (and got discarded by one of these people). You dodged a bullet, my friends. In a way, I’m glad I have never been a part of the “Tinder” or online dating scene. I don’t know that I could emotionally handle it. To anyone out there who ghosts and is reading this: please stop what you’re doing. Ghosting really does hurt people!
Have you ever been ghosted before? Why do you think people ghost? Comment and let me know! I’d love to hear from you. That’s it for this post, my friends. Have a wonderful Wednesday, stay tuned for the next topic, and I will see you all back here then!