My fingertips burn with the desire to pour out my soul to you here. Many of you have stuck by me, here on this blog, for quite a while. Others are just new to my site. I welcome all of you here. Tonight I’m writing one of the most personal posts yet. My daddy and I broke up as a D/s couple. Now, before you feel sorry for me– don’t.. 🙂 I’m doing okay, and it was a mutual decision between the two of us.
In our personal life, my daddy and I are husband and wife. We have been happily married for 6 years now. We are still happily in love. We began as best friends, and then became a D/s couple after my ex-dominant and I broke up several years ago. At the time, I was crushed. I felt lost as a sub. My heart hurt and I cried buckets. It was then that my husband stepped in to care for me the only way he knew how: he asked to become my dominant. It is with his permission that I’m writing this post tonight. In the several years that we have been together living as D/s we learned so much.
I. You Can’t Make Someone Be Into BDSM…. Even Your Spouse:
One of the best things that my husband and I learned over the past 6 years is that you can’t force your partner to become something you want. At the time, I was throwing myself into learning everything I could about BDSM. I needed to know more. I devoured every book I could buy off Amazon, and hopped onto forums galore to talk to people in the community. My husband, assumed the role of dominant, more from a place of wanting to heal my broken heart rather than understanding all that a dominant entails. Did it cause conflict between us? Yes. But, thankfully, him and I have excellent compassionate communication that allowed us to discuss our differences.
Over time we learned several things. I’m very much into the lifestyle, and he has other interests. Neither one is right or wrong. We’re just two beautiful souls, enjoying walking together side by side as we experience life together. We each have our own interests and cheer each other on as we pursue them. We also learned to let go of unrealistic expectations. As a gentle caregiver and partner, my husband is wonderful. He is kind, humble, loyal, and honest as the sky is blue. He is a simple man with simple needs. I like simple. 🙂 Where he is a simple person, I am a colorful, ball of energy. We give each other balance. In the beginning of being a D/s couple, I wanted him to become more dominant. I had read traits of what a dominant “should be” and I constantly felt let down when he wasn’t being a “textbook dominant”. Eventually I learned that you can’t change someone into being something that you’re not. My husband isn’t very dominant. But he is wonderful in other ways, and that’s just fine for me.
II. When We Knew Things Were Changing:
As I fell deeper into the lifestyle, I began to connect with the community. I began making friends with other dominants and submissives alike. I met people with varying kinks and fetishes and learned so much along the way. My social media grew, and I decided to turn my love of being a submissive (and my passion for writing), into authoring two books for Littles. One day my husband looked at me and said, “do you think it’s weird that you know so much more about BDSM than I do?”. I bit my lower lip. I had been thinking the same thing. There was a disconnect in our relationship as D/s. As a married couple, we were (and still are) great. As a D/s couple, things just weren’t lining up. But neither of us wanted to speak up because we didn’t want to hurt each others feelings. “A little” I admitted, and like pulling the first rock out from a dam, things began to change.
We began having more raw, honest discussions about our sexual needs and wants. I credit our age being part of the reason why we are able to be so honest with each other about our needs. Everyone has different sexual needs. It’s perfectly normal. Some people have high libidos and some have low. Some people have kinks and fantasies they yearn to experience, while others are more content to have simple bedroom tastes. Nothing is right or wrong. There is no “perfect way” to have sex. It’s all a matter of personal preference. What we learned in many, many discussions, was that our personal needs were different. In discovering as much, we vowed to help each other find a way to be fulfilled.
III. Uncoupling as Dominant and Submissive:
Which brings me to our latest step as a married couple: we quietly and lovingly let go of being dominant and submissive. Am I still a Little? Absolutely, and I know my husband fully supports my need to regress. I’m still me whether I have a dominant or not. I wrote an article a while ago titled, “Why D/s Break Up’s Are So Painful”. I was inspired after talking to a friend who had gone through several D/s break up’s and was left feeling broken as a dominant. I still stand by that article that D/s relationship break up’s can feel utterly painful, especially if you’re completely losing the person from your life. I feel blessed that my husband and I are still happily together. He supports me being a Little, and I support him being a beautiful, vanilla soul.
I think part of this journey of moving from Penny Berry to simply being Kitten is becoming more in touch with myself and my needs. Whether I have a dominant or not, I am still a submissive. I long to serve and love to care for those I connect with. I’m still a Little with a happy, bubbly, spirit. I will still be creating my own little space filled with smiles and laughter. I will still be writing on here about my other interests within the world of BDSM. I’m still me. Simple, happy, quiet Kitten. I hope to show on here that not every break up has to be painful. That you can be a Little whether you have a dominant or not. I hope to show that you can be married, but your spouse does not have to be in the kink lifestyle, and that it’s perfectly okay.
So thank you all for hanging with me in this journey as I move forward being a solo Little. It will take time adjusting to this new chapter in my life. But, having all of you (my friends) here with me, keeps me smiling and feeling loved. I hope you all are having a wonderful night. Stay tuned for more topics, and I will see you all here on the next post.