Good Morning Friends,
I hope you all are doing well. This morning I woke up and felt a deep sense of peace. I know my mind well enough to know that when I’m nervous about something, I go into a state of deep calm to protect myself. It’s as if my internal battery senses danger and shuts down. Like a turtle with its shell I retreat into my hole and meditate into a zen-like state. I rubbed my eyes and grabbed my phone. It was time to begin the day. I felt the familiar tingle of fear around the edges of my mind. It’s easy to feel alone and “abandoned” when everyone you know is busy with life stuff. I closed my eyes and envisioned this fear, like a shadowy figure looming behind a pillar in the deepest parts of my brain. “Come on out, asshole” I called, “I know you’re there”. The fear rose within me like a wave crashing over me. Except this time, I welcomed it with open arms. “Bring it on” I thought, “Give me your best shot”.
I’ve been living with anxiety for so long, that now I’m facing my fears head on, determined to address them one by one. This one is no exception. The familiar whispers streamed through my brain. I hate that smothering feeling of fear.
Nothing has happened, I told myself over and over like a mantra.
The fear of abandonment is rooted so deep. When you have a dysfunctional childhood, like I had, you begin to think that everyone is going to leave. You come to expect for the proverbial shoe to finally fall. You brace yourself for the pain, the tears, and the sorrow. But, if I’m being totally honest here, I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to dive into each situation in life with wild abandon. I want to throw out my arms and welcome all that life has in store for me. I want to feel it all, the good, the bad, and everything in between. I want to shout it from the rooftops that, “Yes! I’m afraid of living this life alone! But courage isn’t the absence of fear either”. So I choose to be brave. I choose to rise.
The fear slowly began to loosen it’s hold around my throat, and I quickly busied myself with tidying the house. I love to keep my hands busy when I’m anxious. It’s cathartic to me when I clean. I took a deep breath as the last bits of anxiety drained from my body. I won the battle this time. I grabbed fear by the horns and threw him into the nearest wall. It feels good.
I. If You, Too, Are Afraid of Being Abandoned:
If you also struggle with this fear, I encourage you to take time for self-reflection. Ask yourself where the fear stems from. What are you truly afraid of? What makes you pause in fear? Usually that is the source. Look at it dead in the eyes. Face your fear and know that you will fight and do what it takes to nurture your relationships, so that you won’t be alone. You are the master of your destiny. You have the free will to control with whom, and how you connect in this life.
II. How to Cope with the Fear:
Hang around me for more than an hour and you’re going to see me do deep belly breathing. I do it often. Why? Because when you’re afraid or anxious, the breath is the first thing you lose. You begin to hyperventilate or you might hold your breath. You enter a state of fear that makes your body go into overdrive. It can feel draining. Whenever I begin to feel really anxious, I close my eyes and take several meditative breaths. It helps greatly.
III. The Worst Case Scenario:
One thing I often do is ask myself: “okay, what is the worst possible scenario here?”. I try to concoct as many horrible things as I can. I want it to wash over me so that I can get it out of the way. By facing the worst case scenario, I can then turn my focus towards what a more practical, and realistic outcome is likely to happen. In a strange way, it calms me. The key is to problem-solve through each scary possibility. Don’t allow yourself to get hung up or wallow in the frightening thoughts. (Trust me, I’ve done that one too many times).
Thank you, friends, for holding space for me this morning. Thank you for taking time to read this post. I know it’s short, simple, and to the point. Sometimes fear isn’t so very complicated. Deeply rooted, sure. But the fear itself is quite simple to dissect. So thank you, for taking time to be here with me. I hope I was able to give you a little advice and reassurance that this fear is “normal” and that you’re not alone. I hope that this weekend you take time for yourself. Relax. Unwind. You deserve it. 😉
Keep on smiling, my friends and I will see you back here on the next post!