I’m one of those people who believes that things happen for a reason. People come into our life for a purpose. What that purpose is, we can only walk along together and figure it out. But things happen, and in doing so, life unfolds for us. Such as it was that I had almost two identical conversations with two completely different people months apart. The first occurred several months ago with a friend of mine. He asked me, “Do you think that a person can be a Christian, and be into BDSM?”. It was a lengthy phone conversation filled with quoting scripture and philosophical discussion. Afterwards, I sat down and penned a blog post all about my reflections on the subject. Then, more recently I had a similar discussion with another Christian friend of mine. When I had time to sit and reflect on everything, I grabbed my journal and decided to make a blog series out of this very topic. It was time. So, today we are diving into the first of fifteen parts of this series.
Can you be Christian and be into BDSM? Yes, you can! So come along with me and we’ll dissect the various ways to live a pious life, walking with Christ, while still enjoying various aspects under the BDSM umbrella.
*** Disclaimer: I will never tell anyone what to believe. Your walk with whatever higher power you believe in is your own personal journey. This series is simply my opinion as a Christian, and a believer in Jesus Christ. I welcome everyone to read this series, regardless of your religious background. I accept EVERYONE here. ❤ ***
Today we’re going to be examining the Song of Solomon. When we think of erotica, we hardly think to look to the Bible as a great place for sexual understanding and arousal. But, the Song of Solomon gives a passionate account of King Solomon and his bride. It’s a section of the Bible that isn’t widely preached on. There is no discussion of Christ and no mention of the word, God. Unlike the other books of the Bible, the Song of Solomon is written in a lyrical poetry format, which makes it ever more intriguing. If you haven’t sat down and read it before, I encourage you to do so. Today, we’re going to look at how we can gain sexual wisdom and understanding from one of the most ancient sources of text.
When we think of the word “erotica” (which can be defined as a piece of literature meant to entice or arouse), we usually think of “50 Shades of Grey”, right? I know. I’ve read all three books too. But, ask any veteran member of the BDSM community, and they will tell you that 50 shades portrayed domination and submission inaccurately in many ways. The protocol and safety measures taken by individuals, (especially those who engage in bondage and S&M), were not adhered to in the book nor shown in the movie. People were buying 50 shades, not to have a deeper understanding of intimacy and the D/s bond, but merely as a tool for arousal. Is that wrong? No. But it doesn’t help our community either. So, instead of looking towards new sources of erotica for inspiration in D/s, I want to turn our attention to the Song of Solomon in the Bible.
I. Using the Song of Solomon to Understand Passion:
I once heard a wise friend tell me that “sex actually begins with the first kiss. Not intercourse itself”. This is so true. Intimacy is an important component to sex because it is a display of passion and desire. Imagine yourself with your partner. You’re holding hands, when they suddenly say to you:
“You have stolen my heart… how beautiful are your breasts… your love is more fragrant than wine, and your perfumes sweeter than any spices…. your lips drop sweetness like the honeycomb… syrup and milk are under your tongue…” (Song of Songs 4:9-11)
I don’t know about you, but I would certainly blush and give a sheepish grin! How sultry and enticing is that?! The Song of Solomon teaches us how to cherish the beauty of our partner. How to slow down, and marvel at every inch of their skin. If you’re in a committed D/s relationship that includes sex and intimacy, this is important for you to learn. Take your time with your partner. Explore your passion that has allowed your heart to be connected to them. Tell them all of the things you love about them. Take time to notice the warmth of their eyes, the way their smile makes their eyes crinkle, and how deliciously broad their shoulders are. Take time for gentle, meaningful touch. Passion can also be expressed in holding hands, cuddling, and making your submissive feel protected and safe.
II. Using the Song of Solomon to Appreciate Your Partner’s Physical Beauty:
For many new Littles, there is a general feeling of pressure to “conform” to the kink stereotype of what a little should look like. Many of us have felt like we have to wear onesies in order to be appealing. We have to look young in order to have a dominant want us. We see images of young Littles in onesies and thigh high socks that weigh 100 lbs. soaking wet, and feel deeply insecure. But the truth is that you are “beautiful and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). You are already beautiful just the way you are. You don’t need to look like anyone else. Your dominant will rejoice in all of the curves, marks, scars, freckles, and any other little thing that makes up your physical form. They will view you in the same way that Solomon viewed his bride:
“Your lips are like a scarlet thread, and your words are delightful; your parted lips behind your veil are like a pomegranate cut open…. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle.” (Song of Songs 4:3-5)
I always tell people that I never judge a person on their physical appearance. I truly don’t. I see your heart. I see how you treat others. I see what morals and values you live by. I see how you take care of your personal life, and then I make my judgement based upon that. Your physical form, while it is the temple for your soul, is merely one part of your being. Take time to discover your partner’s form. Remove their clothing slowly, and with great care. Love and appreciate them fully. Show your dominant, that you serve them completely from a place of unconditional love, respect, and commitment by honoring their body, just as they should honor yours.
III. Using the Song of Solomon to Have a Grounded View of Sex:
Have you ever heard someone say the phrase, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine”? This comes from the Song of Songs 2:16. In the world of BDSM, there are often large misconceptions that we are a group of free, promiscuous, wild bunch of people. When the truth is that most of us actually value sex and commitment to the fullest. A true, healthy D/s relationship is a bond akin to marriage. Sex and intimacy is usually a part of that dynamic. As such, it is taken seriously and responsibly. Now, bear with me here for a moment because this next statement may make me sound old and “out of touch”. But if I’m being completely honest, I cringe a bit when I see social media posts from the kink-side of our community. I’m all for “live and let live”, but when someone is posting on social media for someone to “come and defile them” to random strangers… I tend to recoil. It completely diminishes what is the most sacred thing you can give to another individual.
I once heard in a sermon, that the word intimacy can best be described as, “into me see”. As in, you’re allowing someone to view, take, claim, and share in the deepest parts of your being. You connect with this person on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. It is the deepest form of love that we can express as human beings. This is why I stress having committed, closed D/s relationships. The Bible teaches us that sex is sacred. It is a passionate dance between two partners, just as expressed in the Book of Solomon:
“I will sing the song of all songs to Solomon that he may smother me with kisses… Take me with you, and we will run together; bring me into your chamber, O king” (Song of Songs 1:1, 4).
Understand the seriousness of sex and only take that step if your relationship is a committed, closed bond between you and your dominant or submissive. It is a union. A connection. And an experience to rejoice and share in for ages.
IV. Using the Bible to Understand the Sacred Bond of a Dominant and Submissive:
As we continue in this 15-part series you will discover how submission is already deeply rooted in the Bible. There is scripture for helping women understand how to best serve their dominant. There is scripture on how to make your dominant feel like the head of the household. There is scripture on how to build a D/s relationship that lasts. And there is scripture on how sacred a bond, the D/s bond is. We can use the Book of Solomon to remember how the connection between a dominant and submissive should be that of a beloved.
Beloved, definition: someone who is much loved, adored, cherished, treasured, or prized.
We can remember that to be collared and to serve your dominant is to give all of yourself, just as described in the Song of Solomon:
“I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, and let us go into the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early into the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if their pomegranates are in bloom– There I will give you my love” (Song of Songs 7:10-12).
If you have a dominant who loves you, honors you, cherishes you fully, and has collared you and claimed you completely, then you are truly blessed. If you have a submissive who loves you, serves you, cares for you, and feeds your needs in body and soul, you are truly blessed. Honor each other and the union that you share. Then will you have a lasting, healthy, and loving relationship.
I hope you all enjoyed this post. Stay tuned for the next topic in this series: “Taken in Hand Relationships: A Closer Look”. Have a wonderful night and I will see you all back here on the next post!