I am here, clad in pajamas with a bowl of rainbow goldfish, letting off some serious frustration. Can we talk about sub drop for a moment? Because that shit is REAL. I had heard of many other subs experiencing it, and my heart went out to them, but friends let me tell you: once you’ve experienced it yourself, your eyes are opened at how low the drop can be. For those unaware of the term, sub drop is….
Sub drop: when a submissive engages in sexual activity resulting in a high, only to be neglected in aftercare, which then in turn makes their adrenaline totally bottom out and they feel depressed, sad, angry, etc. and they have a “low”.
It happened to me this morning. I was on a high, which quickly was followed by a very deep low. My brain began to spin. I felt anxious and frustrated at everything around me. My normal cuddles and sweet nothings post-coital didn’t come, and instead the hubs and I ended up bickering which set my mood for a terrible…. horrible… no good… very bad… day. It was time for some retail therapy. Off to the thrift shop I went, (I’m still frugal when I’m shopping hehe!), and stocked up on some cute tank tops for summer. My mood lifted slightly, but still I felt upset.
You know what’s one thing that I really despise? All of the hours that linger between a disagreement, and the impending “talk” as a couple.
We’ll talk when I’m able… or worse, I’ll talk to you tomorrow…. really freaks me out because I spend hours thinking up every horrible situation. As someone with anxiety, if I have a problem with someone I like to hash it out then and there. I know this isn’t always possible, but it does save time, stress, and a truck-ton of worry. But sometimes I’m not in control. I can’t make anyone talk to me even though I’m on pins and needles.
I’m adjusting to this new phase of being “adrift” as a Little and it’s…. strange. I yearn to be collared and claimed. I yearn to feel wanted and desired. I yearn to serve a dominant with all of me. 😦 I’m feeling my walls begin to crumble as I type this out to you, and it’s difficult. There’s so much that I want to get off of my chest. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too much to handle for a dominant? I can be clingy, talkative, and “gush” a lot. I am a big snuggle-bug who enjoys pleasing the people around me. But maybe I’m…. smothering? 😦 Maybe I’ll be a solo Little forever? That would make me very sad.
I wonder if I’m too fat, or ugly to win over a dominant’s heart. I know I shouldn’t bash myself so, but my heart aches right now. This sub drop stuff sucks hardcore.
And another thing, can we talk about the pressure that women have in bed to “perform”? Why is it that some men expect a woman to ride them until they come, and then suddenly they are spent and simply roll over? What the heck is up with that?! Where is the foreplay? Where is the intimacy? *sighs* Adult life is complicated. I’m ready to retreat into my Little Space for a while….
Talk to you all later.