Tonight, I want to take you back nearly 15 years ago to a time when I was a very different kitten. In fact, I wasn’t a kitten at all then. I was a young girl living in Georgia. Imagine the smell of pine trees growing in rich, red clay. Imagine comfort food with every meal, and a place where you certainly know all your neighbors, and the cashier at the market will surely call you “hun”. This was my home for over a decade. I was a girl raised in a place where it went unsaid that the man is the head of the household. I grew up seeing the women bustle in the kitchen and fuss over the children. I grew up with an understanding that you didn’t show your “goodies” and you better not mess up your “Sunday’s best”. To some, this lifestyle might seem archaic, outdated, like that of the 1950’s. But to many in the world of BDSM, this is simply living in a “Taken in Hand” relationship. A dynamic rooted in the Bible that functionally works because both partners invest greatly into their partners needs.
I. An Overview of What a Taken In Hand Relationship Is:
When I married my first husband at the age of 20, I didn’t know the term “taken in hand”. I just thought that certain things were simply the way they were. The man is the breadwinner. The wife stays at home to care for the children and to do the chores. The man makes the final decisions on most matters. And the woman should dress modestly and be respectful of her place when out in public. It was only when I moved away from the South did I realize that my upbringing wasn’t like that of the rest of the country. (Or the world for that matter). People who are Taken In Hand, are often married. This is because the dynamic is usually seen between live-in D/s couples. It is understood that the dominant is the head of the household and has the final say in all matters. Of course, the submissive has an opinion, but in the Taken In Hand relationship, they prefer to defer to the dominant to guide them on most matters. There is freedom from the liberation of decision making. And there is deep pleasure in performing domestic service duties for their dominant.
II. Using Proverbs 31 as Inspiration for Domestic Service:
While many of us are not Taken In Hand, there are many things we can pull from that path of submission to incorporate into our own lives. The Taken In Hand submissives are usually Christian and look to the Bible for guidance. Many women use Proverbs 31 as a source for inspiration and a goal to strive towards. One way that all submissives can better care for their dominant is through domestic service. Just as Proverbs 31 states the godly woman works with eager hands, and brings food from afar to her loved ones, so too, can we do the same. As submissives it is an honor to care for our dominant through domestic service. I love finding out what foods my dominant adores, and then whipping up a meal fit for a king. I love doing the laundry, choosing a detergent that is his favorite smell. I love making the bed each day, so that he feels comfortable when he sleeps.
But Proverbs 31 takes service a step further. Just as it is said in scripture that, “she opens her arms to the poor, and extends her hands to the needy” (Proverbs 31:20), so too, can we give unto others within our community. Reach out and connect with other Littles. Attend munches, or get active on online forums. Our community is only as strong as its members. There are many organizations within the world of Cg/l that do service outreach to help their local community. (Check out the GIANT page of informational resources as a great place to start!).
III. Discipline in the Taken In Hand Relationship:
Unlike other forms of Domination and submission, the Taken In Hand dynamic has strict discipline guidelines that usually involve over the knee (OTK) spankings. It is also commonly referred to as, domestic discipline. It is understood that the dominant can (and will) use discipline to maintain control and structure over their domain. Some other forms of domestic discipline can also range from crops to paddles, switches, floggers, and more. There is also strict guidelines in the Taken In Hand relationship that the submissive and dominant adhere to that involve: attire worn, with whom the submissive can socialize with, and how they should carry themselves in public. While to many the Taken In Hand relationship might seem extreme, overbearing, or “too strict”, to its practitioners it is a relationship that is deeply loving and fulfilling. The submissive craves to be controlled (just as most of us do!), and so the more structure they have, the better they feel. The dominant also is deeply protective over their submissive and usually knows where they are, and what they’re up to at all times. This gives the submissive extra reassurance that they are protected, and loved because their dominant cares enough to keep a watchful eye over them.
IV. What the Bible Says About the Dominant Being the Head of the Household:
As the daughter of a very, liberal feminist, I worried the first time I told my mother that I thought that the man should be the head of the household. Her lips puckered as if she had sucked on a lemon. “Oh” she said curtly to me, “I see”. What she didn’t understand was, as a Christian and a follower of the Bible, it feels natural in my mind for the submissive to care for the home and for the dominant to be the breadwinner. Perhaps it isn’t suited for everyone, and that’s certainly fine too. We all have free will to do as we please. In the Bible, there is scripture in which Taken In Hand couples look to when knowing where their role should be in life:
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control. (1 Timothy 2:11-15)
It is understood in this D/s dynamic that the submissive is to care for the home, while the dominant (usually a man) is to provide for their home and exercise control over it and their family. Does that mean that the dominant doesn’t care for their submissive? Not at all. In fact, there is scripture that demonstrates that:
Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.(Colossians 3:14)
The dominant and submissive work together in a symbiotic relationship, building each other up, nourishing each other in body, mind, and soul to live a long, enriched, and fulfilling life together. This is how the Taken In Hand relationship works. 🙂
I hope you all enjoyed this post. If you did, hit that like button and let me know! I’d love to hear from you. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the night, keep on smiling, and I will see you all back here for the next topic!