As I sit here this morning looking at today’s introspection question, my lips begin to curl into a tender smile. My heart flutters a bit in my chest. What is the best way to meet a dominant? Is there a “perfect” way to meet a dominant? Or perhaps, the best things in life come when you least expect them? Let’s dive in today’s discussion together.
I. Know What You’re Looking For:
A while back I wrote a post about being confident as an individual prior to becoming a partner. I still stand by my statements. It’s important to know yourself, and what you’re looking for, before you jump into a D/s relationship. I was talking recently, to a close girlfriend of mine about various types of dominants. Each person has their own journey as a dominant or a submissive. When we enter the lifestyle, we might be looking for one type of partner. Then we have experiences, and realize down the line, that there are other things that we need that we weren’t aware of beforehand. This is completely natural, and it’s important that you be mindful of your journey. What are you looking for in a dominant? Do you need a strict master? Do you need a tender caregiver? Do you need a switch who isn’t opposed to “topping from the bottom”? Each of us has needs, and it’s important that you know your own too. Be ready to convey your needs with any potential dominant. They will appreciate you being so forthcoming with them.
II. Begin to Reach Out to the Online BDSM Community:
As someone who can be pretty quiet and shy, I always advise new submissives who are looking for a dominant to begin connecting with the community via online sites. There are many sites dedicated to connecting littles and potential caregivers. DDLG Forum, LittleSpace Online, and DDLG Friends are three sites that I have personally hopped on in the past and can attest that they are always bustling with people looking to match up with a partner. They have chat rooms and forums for connecting and chatting about the lifestyle. FetLife is another great site to connect with people in the BDSM community. They also have many kink bloggers and event postings to find local meet up’s in your community.
There are a few rules that I would encourage you to follow when looking for a potential dominant online:
- Never give out your real name, address, or location.
- If you meet a dominant and all they want to talk about is sex. Run! They aren’t ready to commit to a real relationship.
- Do not let anyone ever make you feel bad for the way you regress. Remember, every Little is different and there is no right or wrong way to express yourself as a Little.
- Be wary of dominants that call you “baby”, “angel”, etc. right off of the bat. A true dominant will ask for your permission to call you such names. They shouldn’t be trying to claim you right away. D/s relationships take time, tons of communication, and nourishing from both partners to grow and last.
- If you see any hate speech, online bullying, trolling, etc. report the person. Cyber bullying is something that should never be tolerated for any reason.
- Lastly, never feel that you need to conform to any other image that Littles post out there in cyber space. Be your eclectic, unique self! March to your beat because the world needs more people like YOU!
III. When You’re Ready– Give Each Other a Call:
Before you ever meet face to face, talk to a potential dominant on the phone. It’s exciting, thrilling, and comforting to feel the person right there on the line with you. You can hear the person smile. You will get the chance to hear them laugh for the first time. You can listen to the emotion in their voice. Something that text and online chat just can’t do. I encourage you to have many phone conversations before you meet in person. You want to make absolutely sure that you two are compatible before you put yourself in a face to face situation. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other. Smile. Take a deep breath. Sit back, and let go. You’re in a beautiful new chapter of life with a potential partner who is interested in getting to know you. Soak it up fully. Moments like that are what life is all about. Life, laughter, love, and precious moments.
IV. Meeting Face to Face:
There are several ways that you can meet a dominant face to face. But before you do, there are several safety precautions that I would advise you to do:
- Always make sure that a loved one has all of the contact info of where you will be staying.
- Keep your cell phone charged. You never want to be unable to make a call if need be.
- Double and triple check your travel info to and from home. Know exactly how you’re getting to your destination and home again. Put your safety above all else, always.
- You can always ask a trusted friend to accompany you to meet the dominant in a public setting. By now, your dominant should have demonstrated that they understand that any D/s play should be safe, sane, and consensual. Therefore they will want you to take precautions to ensure your safety. Not doing so would make you look risky and uneducated in the BDSM lifestyle.
Once you’re ready to meet, and your safety plan is in place, then it’s time to have some FUN! Meeting someone new is always exciting, nerve-racking, but deeply rewarding. You can finally give each other a hug. You can finally grin and see each others face light up. You can walk hand in hand and explore what being a couple actually feels like. It’s very exciting. Savor the time. Time is the best gift you can give in the world.
My best advice to you, my friends, is that sometimes the best things in life happen when you least expect them. If you’re looking for a dominant, keep working on yourself. Connect with the community. Discover who you are as a submissive. Know and love yourself completely. Then, when you least expect it, a dominant will come into your life and you two will click in way that you had no idea was even possible, and you’ll be incredibly happy. 🙂 I wish you all so much love, happiness, and success as you venture forth on your path as Littles and submissives.
That’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, smash that like button and let me know! Have a wonderful Wednesday, keep on smiling, and I will see you all back here for the next topic!