10 Marriage Examples Where Hollywood and Reality Didn’t Match [Funny Ramblings]

Good Morning Friends!

Y’all I’m gonna keep it real up in here. I am exhausted. Bushed. Knackered. But still I can find a giggle in the madness that occurred last night. Hubby wrecked my sleep. It wasn’t malicious. Things happen and when they do, we have to find a giggle in the chaos and keep on stepping. In this state of sheer exhaustion this morning, I realized that there are some things that Hollywood portrays about marriage that are seriously wrong! So let’s dive into today’s post. 🙂

The infamous “let’s feed each other to be cute” move.
  1. Spooning. Look, I love spooning. I’ll be the little spoon. I’ll be the big spoon. We can lay butt to butt. I don’t care. But when it comes time to sleep, all of a sudden the Berlin Wall rises and honey, you better not cross that invisible line on the bed or else my sleep gets wrecked. Is anyone else out there like that?
  2. Rolling Around in Sex. I always bust out laughing when I see a wild, rolling sex scene in a movie. Pound it out. Get rough with it. But… rolling around on each other over and over? I’d throw out my back if I tried to do that! That’s a hard pass from me.
  3. Feeding Each Other. I’m not exactly sure who thought it would be romantic and cute to pretend to be Greek Gods and feed each other. But whoever did either is a lazy f*** or likes to eat really…….. really……. slow. Either way, I’m down to clink glasses. I’m totally up for offering a bite of food to each other to taste each other’s meals. But to feed each other grapes or do that weird twisty, arm thing and try to drink? Yeah, no thanks. lol
  4. Lingerie. I’m not saying that lingerie is bad. I’m sure our partners appreciate “wrapping paper” on their present. But, I have always thought that lingerie is overpriced and it ends up on the floor anyway. So, what’s the point? A cute bra and panties should suffice. Am I weird? Does anyone out there agree? (Comment and let me know!).
  5. Couples Attire. In theory this is cute. In reality… not so much. Have you ever seen the clothing that says, “I’m with bae” and then the other partner has a shirt that says, “I’m bae”? Or the “groom” and “bride” shirts? In theory it’s adorable. You celebrate your love by wearing clothing that screams to the world that you’re taken. Okay, cute. But one year later do you really want to wear a “bride” t-shirt? Nope. It’s just a waste of money.
  6. Quickies. I have seen so many quickies in Hollywood rom-com’s. In a movie, it’s sexy and hilarious. In real life, I can attest that it’s not quite as hot. At least for me, it’s easy to have “sub drop” after a quickie session. The sex is rough, fast, and over with quickly leaving little room for aftercare. As a result, many women can feel rushed to orgasm, stressed, and likely not get off. Then their partner leaves and they turn sad in a heartbeat. Yeah, leave quickies to the movies.
  7. Cover Hog. I always find it interesting how in the movies they portray couples nestled up in bed, their backs turned to each other, each one tucked in so peacefully…. so serenely…. which is NOT how real life works lol. No, real life is one partner yanking some of the covers back as the other tries to burrow up to their heart’s content. Pro tip: if you both love covers, buy two comforters. Trust me, you will both be happy and can swaddle up to meet your own needs.
  8. Drunken Sex. Now, I admit that I’ve only gotten drunk once in my entire life. That was enough for me to never drink again. But, I do remember that once you’re drunk… sex is the LAST thing that you want to do. At least for me, once I got drunk, I wanted to sleep! Which, I think I did…. before waking up and throwing up vodka + cranberry juice. That was enough to shock my system for life. I’ve also heard that guys have a difficult time getting erect when they’re drunk. Is that true? Fellas, let me know!
  9. Girls Night Out/ Boys Night Out. I might get some serious heat for this, but hear me out. I have never understood the need for a “girls night out” or a “boys night out”. If you’re married to someone who is your best friend… then wouldn’t you want to spend your time with them? I’m not saying neglect your other friends, certainly, but I just think that your marriage should be fun, exciting, and that you want to spend time with each other. Friends first! At least that’s how I roll 🙂
  10. Being Put Together Constantly. Now, I understand that Hollywood actors have a team of makeup artists and stylists at their disposal. But I would love to see a movie where a couple wakes up looking like hell in the morning lol. Show me the bedhead. Show me the woman in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt. Show me the man in nothing but boxer briefs stumbling towards the bathroom in the morning. I want to see the movie where the couple refuses to kiss until they brush their teeth because “morning breath” is nasty lol. Can I get an “amen”? 😉

Alright, that’s it for me for this post my friends. I hope you got a giggle out of it. Have a wonderful Sunday, keep on smiling, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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