Dressing Modestly for Your Dominant [Christianity and BDSM Series, Part 5 of 15]

Hi Friends!

Today I want to talk about fashion because… it’s so much fun! Like so many other people out there, I love playing around with my look. My hair has been dyed so many different colors over the years. I remember getting in trouble in middle school for wearing denim shorts that were an inch or so above my fingertips. (Daisy dukes were all the rage back then). I squeal when I purchase a new purse or pair of shoes. Those are my two weaknesses lol. But somewhere along the line my thinking began to shift. It probably happened when the “monokini” debuted on the fashion scene. Suddenly a one piece bathing suit, something I had always worn, had major pieces cut out to be so similar to a bikini. (Hence the name). And while that may have been fashion-forward… it didn’t feel right to my soul.

Over time I began to gain an appreciation for covering up a little bit. I certainly don’t march around in a trench coat and hood. But, you won’t see me flashing my princess parts or “dedes” (breasts) around either. As I became a submissive, the practice of dressing modestly became ever more important. Today we’re going to examine how and why modesty can be an important tool to incorporate into your D/s relationship. Now, let’s dive in:

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Modest, cute, and chic

I. Modesty is Rooted in Respect: 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a tomboy. I blame it on growing up in a household that absolutely loves football. I was close to my dad growing up, so while I did play with Barbies and dolls, I also shot bottle rockets off of G.I. Joes, and learned how to throw a football well before I learned how to tap dance. As such, I never quite understood female fashion. In many ways, I still don’t. As I got older I began asking my male friends why they liked seeing a woman in cute lingerie. “It’s just going to end up on the floor anyway” I said tossing up my hands. “Yes” one friend said, ” but it’s like the wrapping paper to a delicious present. Sometimes it’s nice to leave a little bit of mystery”. That was food for thought. Men…. want us to cover up? Hmmm.

Then when I was 21, I was baptized Southern Baptist. By that point in my life modesty had been drilled into my head through scripture.

“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

was one verse that I heard over and over again. Now, not only was modesty something that men wanted from their partner, but we (as women) were called to cover up as commanded in God’s word. I had all the information I needed to finally begin to take charge of my personal fashion.

When I began dressing modestly I realized that there is something special about saving your body for just your dominant’s eyes. Look, I’m going to keep it real. I am not a prude. In fact, I’m quite the kinky soul! But, I have learned that when I dress modestly, I am showing my dominant respect by saying, “I can look cute and look put together. But what lies underneath here is only for you”. It’s a gift. Your body is a temple, so treat it as such.

II. It’s All About the Cut of Clothing: 

When I’m shopping for clothing, there are a few rules I follow to ensure that the piece is modest:

  • Make sure the neckline is high. (This usually means no V-cut or sweetheart necklines).
  • No spaghetti straps. If you do want a shirt that has spaghetti straps, throw a cardigan over it.
  • Wear a long shirt or modest sundress over a pair of leggings.
  • Stay away from distressed clothing, mesh clothing, or anything that is too thin or see through.
  • Keep skirts to knee length or longer.

And that’s it for the rules! There are so many pieces of clothing that fit into this criteria. As a plus size woman (and Little) here are a few of my favorite brands that I’ve purchased from:

  • Woman Within
  • Torrid
  • Harper and Quinn (on Amazon)
  • Old Navy
  • Target
  • Walmart
  • Kohl’s
  • ASOS

III. How to Turn a Cg/l Outfit into a Modest Outfit: 

Now I’d like to pause here for a moment and discuss DDLG attire because often times kink apparel is designed to be slightly seductive, risque, and alluring. Onesies hug the body just so. Knee high socks draw attention to your legs. There are cutouts in certain outfits and mini-skirts that stop just below the rump. Adult little apparel is designed to be both whimsical in look but also enticing to the dominant. And while this is all fine and well, I’ve struggled with it because the clothing is hardly modest. In fact, while I own many DDLG outfits, I hardly wear many of them outside because they don’t feel discreet or modest at all. So, I had to find my own ways to take these pieces of clothing and make them modest. Here are a few tricks I’ve learned:

  1. When in doubt, throw on a long tutu! Pairing a onesie with a long tutu that flows to the knee is both perfect to keep you feeling little while still covering up your body. There are a variety of colors and styles available on Amazon for you to choose from.
  2. Purchase a comfy pair of denim overalls. Overalls are the perfect casual piece of attire to slip over any onesie or DDLG shirt. It hides the form-fitting garb while still making you feel discreetly little inside.
  3. Express your little side through purses and shoes! This is one trick that I use often. I keep my outfits minimal and modest, and then go “all out” by pairing it with a bright, fun, stylish handbag or a cute pair of shoes! That way I’m still honoring God in my attire, but keeping true to my happy, bubbly spirit.
  4. Don’t wear heavy makeup. Over the years people have asked me, “how is your face so clear?”. They get surprised when I shrug and say, “honestly? I just drink a lot of water and hardly ever wear makeup”. I always believed that if a guy wants to like me, he should see my face as it is and not one that is all painted up. Sure, makeup is fun to play around with. But, I think I’d rather just be me. 🙂

IV. Dressing to Remove Temptation From Others’ Eyes: 

Now, this last point might be controversial, but hear me out for a moment. Another part of respecting our dominant by wearing modesty clothing also correlates to not “tempting” other dominants (or vanilla peeps) with our attire too. I have long believed that we are a sex-driven society. We hear the phrase “sex sells”, and perhaps that is the way that many people view fashion and image. But to me, there is a fine line between dressing “cute” and dressing in revealing clothing. I read an incredible blog post recently about women being called “sluts” or “thirsty”. In it, one woman was quoted saying, “just because I act like a slut, doesn’t mean I need to dress like one”. That statement made me chuckle, but it also is ringed in truth. How we dress really doesn’t dictate what we do in the bedroom. Do we need to show off every inch of our skin? No. You can look classy, chic, stylish, and modest while still making whatever choices you wish in your personal relationships.

When we wear attire that puts it all out there, not only are we leaving little to the imagination for those who view us, but we are also creating lustful thoughts in their mind. For some, this is their intention. But as a Christian, this is the last thing that I want to do. I would much rather people see me as a well-dressed person who dresses comfortably, but cute. It isn’t about high end clothing. It isn’t about being “put together” all the time. And it has nothing to do with a specific style. It’s all about self respect. Save your body for the people you want to see you in that intimate way. Cover up some skin for the rest of the world. Love yourself enough to keep a bit of mystery, and still have fun playing around with colors and styles. I promise you it’s do-able.

Alright, that’s it from me for today, my friends. I hope you all enjoyed this post. If you did, smash that like button and let me know. Have a wonderful Thursday, and I will see you all back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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