The Heart of a Submissive [Processing Feelings]

Good Evening My Friends,

Tonight I come here to this blog, my little space in the vast internet, with an open heart. I come to you needing to bare my soul a bit. I turn to this space of cathartic writing, seeking comfort and release. Tonight, I come here as a submissive woman. I yearn to be commanded. I yearn to have a dominant touch my wavy, curly hair and tell me what to do. No one understands this primal need like that of other submissives. It feels cellular. Written in our DNA to serve, and to have a longing to be controlled. I seek to hear the words, “good girl” whispered tenderly down to me. I don’t mind kneeling to the one I serve.

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But I question if I’m enough. Deep down, most of the time, I feel as though I am. But am I a good enough submissive for a dominant to commit to me? Do I have all of the qualities that I write about on here? Do I have what it takes to make a dominant come and see me in the flesh? To touch my body and claim it as theirs? My chin dips in quiet reflection as I process these raw feelings. My fears and insecurities bubbling on the surface of my brain.

It isn’t about the sex. I know, for many it’s about the sex. Not that I don’t like sex, because I do, but… it’s about the intimacy. The connection. The touch and the bond. It’s about that powerful feeling that overwhelms you to know that you’re claimed. You’re serving someone with all of you: body, mind, and soul. Deep down I feel like I have so much love to give, if only someone would take me… me and all of my scars. Me and my baggage. Lift my bags, because I’ll lift yours. Give me a chance to kiss you tenderly, so that you know where my heart belongs.

The silence and hours of stillness get lonely sometimes. I fill the space with music, laughter, and warmth. I’m good at self-soothing. But no Little longs to be alone. At least, I don’t. And while I am a Little, hence the name of this space, I am also a submissive with a servant’s heart, seeking to commit to a dominant who is ready for me. Because I’m ready for you. I’ve done the self-reflection. I continually work on myself, and will do so forever, I’m sure. I have a colorful past that has led me to know what I’m looking for in a dominant, and what I don’t want too. And so I’m ready. But the question is…. are you?

To bare my soul here feels as though I’m naked. This may look like crying out or a plea for help. Or perhaps I will be viewed as a pitiful sub, yearning for attention, but it isn’t really any of that. When you’ve felt the power of a strong D/s connection, and then that goes away, you feel like a ship without a mast. A boat without sails. You sit in the stillness of the water in quiet contemplation. You question how you got there. What mistakes you made along the way, vowing to learn from your experiences. It’s all any of us can really do. You begin to patch yourself up in a different, and new way, fashioning together a sail of sorts to begin again and set your course.

My rudder is aimed at the horizon. My destination is you. I hope… no. I pray… that you’re waiting for me too. ❤

Much love,

~Kitten xx

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