Day 9 of Submissive Training: Talking About Sex with Your Partner

Good Evening Friends,

I hope you’re having a wonderful weekend. Let’s talk about sex… baby. (I couldn’t resist lol). Yes, today we’re discussing how to talk about sex with your partner. When I was in my 20’s I went through a phase where I discussed sex with friends so nonchalantly that you would have thought we were discussing the weather! But somewhere along the line I matured a bit, gained a heaping dose of life experience, and became much more humble, modest, and recluse when it came to activities between the sheets. However, if you’re thinking about incorporating sex into your D/s relationship, or you crave to experience age play, then it’s important to get comfortable discussing sex with your partner. Tonight we’re going to tackle how to have those bashful conversations in a confident, respectful way. Now let’s dive in.

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I. Sex Isn’t Taboo: 

When my Daddy and I first began discussing sex with one another it was much like that of a vanilla couple. We tiptoed towards the subject delicately, learning what each other’s kinks, fetishes, and fantasies are. As we learned more about one another, we began to ask more intimate questions. I admit that I was nervous opening up about my kinks, (despite writing about the topic all the time!). It can be a very revealing thing to do. My suggestion would be to use a checklist (that I’ve happily provided in the FREE printables section). A checklist can make the conversation less awkward. Instead of saying, “tell me your kinks, and I’ll tell you mine”, you can lead the conversation with, “I’d love to get to know more about your desires. Why don’t we both fill out this checklist and then swap lists?”. It’s a smoother way to get to know each other.

Now once Daddy and I learned about each others kinks, fetishes, and fantasies, we said the very thing that had been bubbling beneath the surface of the conversation. We could both feel it. We knew it was there, but it needed to be said. “I want to make love to you” he said to me quietly. “I do too” I whispered. For a moment we both paused, letting the moment soak in completely. We were sexually attracted to each other. We wanted to include sex in our relationship. That’s a huge decision to take and not one to make lightly. Know that it’s okay to be nervous to tell your partner that you want to sleep with them. But that doesn’t make you weird. Sex isn’t taboo! It’s a natural desire that arises from arousal, desire, and passion. It’s actually quite beautiful. 🙂

II. Don’t Forget to Be Safe: 

Once we got past the “I think you’re hot too!!” moment, then we had to shift into a more rational, practical line of thinking. Yes, we wanted to have sex with each other. But we had to discuss the basics of safety. And you will too. Here are a few questions that I encourage you to ask your partner once you’ve both decided to have sex with each other:

  • How many people have you slept with?
  • What forms of contraception did you usually use with past partners?
  • When was the last time that you’ve had an STD test? (Note: Please don’t be afraid to ask this question. I promise you that it’s not offensive. If anything, your partner will be thankful that you take your health (and theirs) seriously enough to care about when they were last tested)
  • What types of sex play are you into? (Oral, Anal, Vaginal, all of the above)
  • Do you like to give or receive oral sex? If so, do you prefer to spit or swallow semen?
  • Have you ever gotten pregnant?
  • Do you have any medical conditions that I should know about that could impact our play sessions?

III. The Pesky Details: 

Once you’ve learned all of the basic preferences of your partner and their past sexual history, then you enter what I like to call “the pesky details”. We all have little preferences that are unique to the individual, but can bubble up while you’re in bed together. Some of these include:

  • Do you enjoy lots of foreplay? Or do you like to get “right to it”?
  • Do you prefer the woman to have her pubic hair shaved, trimmed, or natural?
  • Do you like to have sex with the lights on or lights off?
  • Do you like to shower before sex? Or does it not matter to you?
  • Do you like to smell your partners natural scent in bed? Does lotions and perfumes bother your sense of smell in bed?
  • Do you like taking pictures or video in bed while having sex?
  • Do you like to look at yourself in the mirror while have sex?
  • Do you like the woman to wear special lingerie? Or does it matter?
  • Do you like to have a specific size of bed to be comfortable for sex? Or do you prefer to have sex in other places (the floor, couch, shower, etc.)?

For your convenience I created this free printable of “Intimate Questions For You and Your Partner” that includes a comprehensive list of questions covering: safety, body care/hygiene, mental health, physical acts, and Cg/l specific or age play related questions. I hope you use this document to really delve into the heart of your partner. Get to know each other deeply before you engage in sex. You’ll be glad that you did.

IV. How to Bring Up the Topic of Sex in a Comfortable Way with Your Partner: 

When you discuss sex with your partner, make sure you both are in a comfortable place. Find a quiet location where you two can focus on each other exclusively. Turn off your phones or any gadgets. You want to give your partner your full attention and respect. Use a gentle tone when discussing each point of conversation. You want them to know that they can open up to you completely, and they are emotionally supported. If possible, try snuggling up as you talk. This will give your partner physical reassurance too! Lastly, remember that the goal of the conversation is to get to know your partner better. Put love at the forefront of your actions and in all that you do. Once you do, everything else will go smoothly. Speak honestly, gently, and transparently. It will be a powerful moment for you both.

Alright, my dear friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did hit that like button and let me know. Have a wonderful night and I will see you all back here tomorrow!

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin Xx

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