Good Afternoon Friends!
I sat here sketching today’s training post with a smile on my lips. Sometimes it’s easy for us, submissives, to think, “what is the point of all this training??”. We get tired of adhering to a million rules. We might get fed up with kneeling constantly. But today I’m going to discuss why training is so important. We are going to dive into why training provides a strong, stable foundation for your D/s relationship. Now, let’s dive in.
I. It Takes More Than Love and Chemistry:
I remember the moment that my Daddy said to me, “I’m so glad that we talk about things other than sex”. It made me smile and giggle. The truth is, when we first connect in a D/s relationship we feel that burst of euphoria. We become attached to our dominant and feel smitten with lust. We meet and feel sexually attracted. We talk for hours and realize that there is true chemistry. This makes us fall even harder for our partner. But, to create a lasting D/s relationship, you’re going to need a lot more than love and chemistry. You want to make sure that your morals and values line up. You want to make sure that your spiritual beliefs line up. (This is especially critical if you plan on being intimate together). You’ll want to know that socially you’re on the same page. Meet their friends. See how they treat others while you’re out and about. Do they use manners and speak with kindness towards others?
So often we lose sight of the qualities that it takes to create a stable relationship. As a sex-driven society we fall into the trap of feeling with our eyes (and our loins) instead of slowing down to make sure that our values line up. We feel the chemistry and want to “test drive” the car before we commit fully. But people aren’t like cars. You can’t jump from person to person, or relationship to relationship, without causing damage to your heart and spirit. God didn’t design us to jump into bed with just anybody. There has to be a commitment.
II. You Have to Change to Be a Better Person:
When we come together with our partner, it’s inevitable that there will be things that need to change. You cannot expect to remain exactly the same way while you’re in a relationship. As individuals we evolve, grow, learn, thrive, and change in our own ways. The key is to change in ways that betters yourself and uplifts your partner. D/s training is powerful way to set personal goals, and to have your dominant guide you in striving to achieve them. This is a lot of work for the dominant, but it can be very rewarding to set tasks for your submissive, and watch them follow your orders to become the best version of themselves that they can be. I encourage you all to take time for self-reflection to set your own personal goals. What is something about yourself that you wish to change or improve upon? What goals do you wish to succeed in the back half of 2019? Make a list and share it with your partner.
Another aspect of training, is becoming the person that your dominant wants you to be. You are a reflection of them, and as such, it’s important that your dominant teaches you what their preferences are in: how you dress, how you style your hair, the way you carry yourself, and how you speak. You want to always remain attractive in your dominant’s eyes. By following their rules, and standards of beauty preferences, you will be elevating yourself as their submissive.
III. Relationships are NOT Like the TLC Channel:
My tween daughter loves watching the TLC channel. As such, I’ve seen shows with the most dramatic people I’ve ever seen. I’ve watched “90 day fiance” and “married at first sight”. I’ve watched “the family chantel” and “little people, big world”. What I can tell you, is that real relationships do not work like that! You can’t tear your partner down with words. You can’t bring drama every time something upsets you. And D/s training teaches that. In a D/s dynamic, you surrender your power to your dominant voluntarily, and that includes allowing them to make decisions for you.
Drama is draining. Words can hurt. There is no such thing as “married at first sight” (and oh my goodness, if you’re really planning to marry someone you just met…. run! Stop and seriously run because that is nuts!). You can’t expect to meet someone, fall in love, and marry within 90 days. Real relationships take hard work, time, patience, and a truck ton of conversations. 🙂 Go slow. Give yourself time to think and ease into the relationship. You’ll be glad that you did.
IV. Go Beyond “The Honeymoon Phase”:
Ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you that I dislike “the honeymoon phase” of any relationship. Why? Because it’s annoying! I don’t want to tiptoe around feelings. I don’t need to doll up for you (unless we’re going out) and you don’t need to wear cologne for me. I don’t need gifts to show that you care. And we don’t need to ever count the month-iversary (*facepalms*!) since we met. Instead, I want to be comfortable in our love. I want to talk real with each other. I want the raw emotion. Give me the good, bad, and the ugly. Give me the bedhead look and the day to day flow of life. That’s what I’m interested in, because I’m in it for the long haul. Falling in love is nice, but staying in love is hard. I choose to stay in love. I choose to fight to make things work on the daily.
D/s training provides structure to allow both partners to be raw and vulnerable with each other. If you are communicating regularly, you will see your partners true, authentic self.
Today’s Challenge: Today I task you and your dominant to sit down and write 1 paragraph about what you love about your relationship. Go deep. Think about how your relationship emotionally impacts you. Yes, it feels good. Yes, you love your partner. But what is it about your partner that enhances your life? Focus on that. Then share your thoughts with each other.
V. Remember to Be Strong as an Individual Before You Come Together as a Couple:
I’ve written about this before in the blog series, “How to Build a D/s Relationship That Lasts”, but it’s important to be strong and grounded as an individual prior to coming together as a couple. Use your time as a single person to work on yourself. Work on issues that have been weighing you down. This could be anything from: paying down debt, enrolling back in school, getting to bed on time more often, working out regularly, or making a budget for yourself. Work on yourself to better yourself as an individual. When you tackle your baggage, you become stronger as a partner.
The last point I’d like to mention is that you’ll want to use your time of singleness to think about what you want in a D/s relationship. Your potential dominant will want to know what you’re looking for, and why you want to be in a D/s relationship. Likewise, you’ll want to ask your potential dominant plenty of questions to get to know them better too! When you’re strong as a person, then you can empower as a couple. You will know how you can serve your dominant. You will understand how to lead your submissive. And you will know what it takes to create a healthy, lasting D/s bond. 🙂
That’s it from me for this post, my friends. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know! I hope you have a wonderful Tuesday, and I will see you all back here for the next topic!