Day 14 of Submissive Training: Discussing the “Voids” of Your Life

Good Morning Friends,

This morning I’m sitting here, my pink headset blasting techno in my ears, with a smile on my lips. I feel open, willing, and ready to dive into today’s topic with you. Voids. We all come to domination and submission for various reasons. Your reasons are your own and mine are too. Today I want to discuss those voids that leads us to committing to a D/s relationship, because ultimately a D/s lifestyle can be deeply enriching, rewarding, and even healing. It can have a profound impact on how you think, feel, and behave. As such, the more you know yourself and what you need, the better off you’ll be in a relationship. Now, let’s dive in.


I. Voids Aren’t a Bad Thing:ย 

When we think of the word “void” many of us likely assume that this is a bad thing. After all, the very definition of the word void means to lack, or to be without. But let’s examine this another way. If you know what you’re missing, then you can do something about it, right? I’m the type of person who is pretty “scrappy”. I like to find solutions rather than dwell on a problem, and if I can’t find a solution then I go to people who I know can help me. In terms of a D/s relationship, you can turn to your domination or submission as a way to fill the voids in your own life. Do you crave release or escape from responsibilities? Do you have a need to control a part of your life and get a thrill out of controlling sexual play? Do you yearn to take care of a submissive and to help them thrive? Do you have a need to be protected, cared for, and nurtured regularly? These feelings usually stem from a place where our vanilla lives, (or our normal adult lives), cannot fulfill.

So, we seek to fill those voids in other ways. We turn to submission as a place where we can release our inhibitions and explore our inner child. We dive into domination as a place of fulfillment as we guide our submissive and be satiated by their obedience and service to us. Knowing what voids you have is important, and you’ll want to communicate those with your partner at the start of your relationship.

II. Making Sure Your Voids Are Compatible:ย 

It’s inevitable that as we’re meeting potential partners, there will be people in which we are compatible with, and those we aren’t. It’s not a bad thing, but if you meet someone and their expectations don’t match up with yours at all…. then you either need to adjust your expectations, or find someone more compatible. For example: If Suzy has a void of having a stable male figure in her life, and she wants a dominant who can be there for her, then her expectation might be to have communication daily. But if Tom, the dominant, works often and can’t communicate daily, then Suzy needs to decide just how much communication she needs from Tom… or to peacefully part ways and find a dominant who can.

I’ve met people who have jumped into relationships and only later found out that their voids weren’t compatible. Truthfully, I’ve done it too. I’ll share my own experience here. My first dom and I were together for a few intense months. At first we clicked and spoke for hours on voice chat. But almost immediately I noticed that while I’m a very open, transparent person… he was not. He wanted to withhold nearly everything about him personally, and to simply focus on connecting as D/s. I struggled…. hard. At the core of my being, I’m the type of person who isn’t able to really connect with a person if I don’t know who they are inside and out. I lay all my “cards” out there, and I expect you to do the same. If we match up well, great! If not, well, at least we tried. That’s how I look at things. While my ex-dom opened my eyes to the world of BDSM, and for that I’m thankful, I also learned about what I need in a dominant. I figured out that I had some voids that needed to be filled from a different partner. So, we parted ways. Was it difficult? Oh, heck yes! I cried buckets and felt terrible. But I also lived and learned.

III. Patience is a Virtue:ย 

Alright my friends, I’m going to get real here right now. I suck at having patience! Ask my Daddy if I have patience and he will likely chuckle. (Hi Daddy! *waves* ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). I’m working on it, but having patience is really, really difficult sometimes. However, when you’re working with your partner and their voids, it’s critical that we have patience. I’ll give you an example of how patience plays an important piece in my D/s relationship with my Daddy.

Daddy and I are a long distance D/s relationship. I’m also a needy Kitten. I’ll say it out loud. I can be an attention whore! I loooove a good belly rub. (Yes, you read that right. Do it with your partner. I swear it’s amazing). I love long talks with my Daddy where we giggle, snuggle, and just focus on each other. Time melts away and we feel so reinvigorated afterwards. But, my Daddy works full time. He is a busy man with many responsibilities. As such, even though I have a void of needing lots of attention, I have to be realistic and have patience when he gets busy. Is it easy? Nope. Do I sulk at him sometimes? Yes lol. But, I’m getting better week by week. ๐Ÿ™‚ Be patient with your partner. Nobody is perfect and we all need a chance to step up to meet our partner’s needs. Give each other time, patience, and lots of love. If I can do it, so can you. ๐Ÿ˜‰

IV. Cut Each Other Some Slack and Stay Optimistic:ย 

If there’s one thing I’d like to think that I bring to my D/s relationship, it’s that I’m a natural optimist. Daddy told me once that he loves it that I’m a bouncy, feeling, ball of energy. It made me smile because that’s exactly how I am. I’m passionate about making a relationship work. I am very transparent about my feelings and wants. I try to be flexible to meet his needs, wants, and desires too. I also try to stay hopeful for our future together. I dream big. ๐Ÿ™‚ Opening up to your partner about your voids can be difficult. But it can also be freeing, cathartic, and emotionally rewarding. You will learn to lean on each other and understand your partners needs on a deeper level.

If you take nothing else away from this post, then I hope that you remember this: cut your partner some slack. Life gets busy. We all have schedules, deadlines, and responsibilities. Be patient with each other. Communicate often. Stay optimistic and passionate about each other. Put your love first and you’ll do just fine. โค

That’s it from me for this post, my friends. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Have a wonderful Thursday, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin Xx

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