Can You Be a Christian and Be into BDSM? Part II.!

Good Evening Friends,

I’m coming up on my one year blog-iversary here on Penny Berry. What a wild year it has been. Some of you have been around since the beginning, while others are new subscribers. However long you’ve been around here on the blog, hi! And thank you for supporting me. Being an adult little is a highly misunderstood topic. Such was my reason for beginning the blog in the first place. I wanted to take a taboo subject, and lift off the lid of myths and misconceptions. I wanted to shed light into what being a Little is all about. While these posts are merely my life as a little, I hope you’ve learned a thing or two and enjoyed the content I’m producing.

That said, every now and then, I will get a comment with some feedback that is…. a bit more critical. I’m never opposed to constructive criticism. I believe we can all learn and grow from the feedback we’re given. It’s when criticism turns to judgement that I have a problem. Recently, I received a comment which I’ll post here, but leave the individual’s name anonymous. I want to dissect this comment and further explain why I’m creating this part II. of “Can you be a Christian and be into BDSM?”. If you missed part 1, click here! 

Now let’s examine the comment:

Woah. Choose Christ or this. Can’t have both.

Sorry to say it, but I saw you mention Timothy in one of your posts. You need a husband… I understand. I’ll pray for you to have one. Just no BDSM with him. If you’re married to “Daddy”, then keep it in the bedroom. Don’t let your fountains be dispersed abroad. 🙂

I know you’ll listen. And you should do more fiction;— I think that’s more cathartic than this. You can show what you mean, instead of tell it. Just, please… release that spirit of violence in you. It will be good for you.

As you can see, this comment came across as highly judgmental to me for several reasons. First, as a Christian, I was offended that I was told that I can’t be both into BDSM and be a believer. Secondly, I am married. Happily married, in fact. I also have a dominant and partner outside of my marriage, with my husband’s blessing. While some Christians may find that unsettling, it works for us and isn’t harming anyone. If you would like to pray for me, instead please pray for the Hawaiians of Mauna Kea. They need your love, support, and prayers as they fight to protect their ancestral lands.

I. The Core of Christianity is Love: 

Years ago I sat with a girl who was a firm believer in the hills of Northeast Georgia. She was a beautiful girl with silky, blonde hair. Her name was Lindsey. I knew that like many that lived in our town, she grew up Southern Baptist and came from a long line of believers. Yet, I rarely saw her in church. So one day we were sitting outside and I asked her, “Lindsey, do you think a person needs to go to church to believe in Christ?”. She was quiet for a moment before shaking her head. “I believe in Jesus with my whole heart” she said in a thick drawl, “but I don’t need to go to church to prove to anybody else that I do”. I nodded and the conversation moved on. Over the years I’ve met people who have turned away from Christianity, not because the tenets of the faith are bad, but because they had negative experiences in the church or with believers.

Those negative experiences began to overshadow the true lessons of what Christianity is all about. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Love. That is what the heart of a Christian is. Pure, generous, unconditional love. Jesus didn’t walk around saying: hear ye, hear ye, believers only! No! He sought out the sinners. He feasted with the people that were deemed the “worst” of society. Jesus loved all of God’s people. And so should we.

I don’t care what kinks, fetishes, and taboo fantasies you have. I don’t care if you walk around with multiple partners. I don’t care if you’re LGBTQI+. I don’t care what color of the rainbow you were blessed to be born with. If you want to accept Christ into your heart and be a Christian, then you can! No one should ever tell you otherwise, because that is being judgmental. And just as the Bible says:

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others.[a] The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.[b

(Matthew 7:1-3)

II. Having Kinks Doesn’t Make You Violent: 

When I think of myself, many adjectives come to mind: bubbly, creative, needy, organized, thoughtful, sensitive, empathic, a good listener….. but violent? That really doesn’t describe me. In fact, given that I’ve been physically abused in past relationships with a towering 6’2 individual against my 5’1 frame… violent really doesn’t fit me at all. If you want to know how I am, honestly, I cry at sappy movies. I cry if I have too much emotion. I cry at happy moments. I cry at those husband and wife veteran videos on YouTube. I’m very sentimental. However, I was described as having a “spirit of violence” within me because I have had fantasies of C.N.C. So, I’d like to dissect this theory of being violent simply because of kink preferences.

Across the spectrum of BDSM there are various activities that would be deemed as more “hardcore” interests. Some of these include: flogging, caning, branding, electro-shock play, bukkake, double penetration, orgies, ball crushing, figging, pegging, anal or vaginal fisting, blood sports, skat, knife play, etc. No where in the Bible does it say that you can’t be a Christian, or that you have “a violent spirit” within you, simply because of your sexual preferences. Let me say this loud and clear:

You are who you are. You can be into what you want to be into. You can be a Christian AND be into anything within BDSM! Only God has the right to judge you! 

Wanting rough sex or rough play sessions does not make you a violent individual. C.N.C. and any other BDSM-form of play, involves two legal, consenting adults who want to engage in this type of activity. If done in a healthy, proper manner, they would follow the four important steps of any play session:

  • Consent and Communication (before a play session)
  • Play
  • Aftercare
  • Discussion and Feedback (after a play session)

There is so much love, respect, understanding, trust, loyalty, and honor in D/s relationships that it blows my mind how misunderstood vanilla people can be. Real practitioners of BDSM (who can also be Christians too!) understand that there are many steps taken before we ever engage in any type of sexual play. As such, this makes us the opposite of violent. We are gentle, humane, tender, loving, generous, compassionate, honest partners.

III. Why I Write This Blog as a Christian and a Practitioner of BDSM: 

I’m just a simple girl who comes from the deep South of the U.S. I’ve lived in towns so small that there were more churches than fast food restaurants. I’ve grown up going to Sunday school, V.B.S., sleep-away Bible camp, and been saved in my early 20’s. I’ve prayed and had the Lord work in my life in the most miraculous ways. I am a firm believer in Christ and the power of prayer. I encourage women to dress modestly while still feeling empowered as women.

But I’m also a practitioner of BDSM.

Does that make me bad, immoral, or wrong? No. Should I hide my sex life away with shame because I’m doing something non-traditional? Absolutely not. In fact, the very reason why I write this blog is to stand up here and say that you can live a very normal adult life, while still having a fun, kinky life on the side too. You can be an adult little while having an ordinary job. You can be married and call your husband: Daddy, Papa, or whatever you want! You can be in a D/s relationship and not be married to your partner too! You can be an adult little and have a mommy as your dominant! You can be into another form of domination and submission.

There is no right or wrong way to do BDSM so long as you’re not harming anyone else.

You can believe in Christ and go to church while still practicing BDSM. You can be a submissive (which is already rooted in the Bible in Ephesians 5:22-25) and be in a Taken-in-Hand relationship, which by the way, is a form of Domination and submission. I believe that as Christians we have an obligation to stand up and live our lives with the fruit of the Spirit in mind which are:

  • Love
  • Joy
  • Peace
  • Patience
  • Kindness
  • Goodness
  • Faithfulness
  • Gentleness
  • And Self-Control (Galatians 5:22-23)

We are going to be the role models of what the Christian church looks like in the eyes of non-believers. Do we really want to be running around telling each other that we can’t believe in Christ because of our kinks and fetishes? Uh, no. How about instead of judging each other, we take the teachings of the Bible, and the fruit of the Spirit, to go out and put more love, joy, and kindness into the world? How about we accept people as they are? If you believe in Christ, great! That’s between you and God. If you don’t, that’s okay too. That’s between you and whatever you believe. No matter what you believe, I accept you. Just as my favorite Christian song sings:

Much love to you all,

~Kitten/Punkin Xx

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