Day 19 of Submissive Training: How to Create Rules for Your Sub

Good Morning Friends,

Happy Hump Day, and a shout out to my dear husband today on his 35th birthday. Happy Birthday, babe! ❤ I hope you all are having a wonderful day. Today we are going to discuss how to create effective rules that your submissive will want to follow. As the dominant in a D/s relationship, you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. You need to take control of not only your life, but your submissive’s as well. You need to learn the push-pull flow of a healthy relationship. You need to learn when to discipline, and when to nurture your little one. This is no easy feat, but there are many dominants out there living in healthy, successful relationships, so you can definitely do it too. Creating effective rules for your submissive will not only aid them, but it will take some of the stress off of you as well because your sub will be following your command. Are you ready to learn how to create effective rules? Then, let’s dive in.

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I. Design Rules to Support Their Personal Goals:

One of the very first things you’ll want to know when you decide to write up a contract with your submissive is what goals they have for themselves. Play sessions are great, but you’re going to be in a relationship with this person. That means that life happens. Work happens. Kids happen. A million obstacles will bubble up and get in the way of time to be D/s. That means that you’ll need to be flexible and roll with the punches. As such, you’ll want your rules to focus on more than just play session things. Ask your submissive what their personal goals are and then create rules to help them baby step their way to achievement. For example: if your submissive wants to lose weight, create rules that regulates their diet and exercise. If your sub wants to get fit, create rules for them to workout and lift weights. If your sub is socially awkward, create rules that will allow them to interact with people more. You get the idea.

Design rules that supports their overall health and well being. Sit down as you map out these rules together. (I’ve included a section within this Cg/l contract printable where you can write in your own rules).

II. Design Rules to Correct Negative Behavior: 

You’ll also want to design rules that uplift your submissive by correcting negative behavior or habits they have. That said, let me put it out there that we all have negative habits. We all do things that we probably shouldn’t do. I’ll give you a bad habit of mine. Ahem… I have a bit of a sweet tooth. *blushes* Oh yes, I love a good tea time nibble. I swoon over pumpkin pie. I relish in a tin of custard cream cookies. I sigh with pure bliss at a decadent slice of tiramisu. But, I also know that sugar puts more fluff on my hips. So, one rule that my Daddy created for me is to regulate when and how much sweets I’m allowed to have. Likewise, create rules for your own sub that will help empower them to make healthy choices. Do they need a proper bedtime to ensure that they get a healthy amount of sleep? Do they need a rule to curb smoking or drinking? Do they need a rule to help them keep their living space tidy?

Design rules to target things they already want to work on. Discuss, as a couple, what areas of improvement they want to focus on, and then create rules that will give them direction to improve. Remember, you want to be a force of good in their life. 🙂

III. Design Rules That Are Achievable: 

An important point I want to mention is that you need to make your rules achievable. Never set your submissive up for failure because it can tank their self-esteem and confidence. Try creating rules with little goals in mind. For example: if your submissive is working on losing weight but they haven’t been active in a while, create a rule that says that they need to workout 3 times a week. This is a good number to begin with as they start to gently strengthen their body. Or, you can design a rule where they slowly alternate how they cook their food to begin to eat healthier. Don’t shock your sub all at once by creating rules that will make them feel resentful or discouraged.

You want to empower and uplift your submissive through the rules that you create. Try thinking of ways to put incentives for your sub to want to adhere to your rules. Is it bribery? Yes, a little bit. But remember, the rules are meant to give them structure, guidance, and to help them achieve their goals. So really, you’re giving them incentive to help improve upon themselves. One way to do this is to reward them with a new plushie or a date night out. If they are working out, give them the reward of 1 new piece of clothing for every week that they successfully workout. (Side note: please don’t give incentives based upon how many pounds your submissive loses. You don’t want them hyper-focused on the scale, so much as you want them to lose weight for their health). Have them baby step their way to personal achievement.

IV. Use Rules to Establish a Healthy Routine: 

The final point I’d like to discuss is using your rules to develop a healthy day to day routine for your submissive. We are all creatures of habit and routine. Having a healthy day to day routine will give your sub balance, comfort, structure, and stability. They will slowly ease into their new routine with your rules and develop a sense of expectation in their day to day life. As they begin to adapt to their new way of doing things, give your sub praise and love for a job well done. Nothing sends tingles down our spine like hearing the words, “good girl” purred to us. It makes our heart flutter. You can also create rules to develop a nighttime routine too. If you want to go the extra creative mile, have your sub create a sticker chart to do nightly tasks such as: shower, wash face, brush teeth, etc. This will keep them feeling little while they do things that are necessary for their overall health.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. If you enjoyed it, hit that like button and let me know. I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin Xx

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