Bratting, A Healthy Perspective [Guest Interview with Another Kitten!]

Spotlight Interviews 12 comments

Good Afternoon Friends,

Today I am so excited to share this spotlight on a fellow kitten, and submissive. My new friend, Kitten, over at “Ten Shades and Me” really opened my eyes to an entirely new perspective on bratting that I want to share with you today. But first, please hop over to her blog, hit that follow button, and show her some love ❤ okay? Awesome! Now, let’s dive into today’s special spotlight.

For as long as I can remember, when I first came across the term “brat” or “bratting” I recoiled. Admittedly, I even wrote about it in my book, “Big Me, Little Me: A Survival Guide For Littles By Littles”. At the time of publishing, I stood by the stance that bratting shouldn’t occur because the D/s dynamic is based upon respect. The submissive should want to respect their dominant. They should want to obey. They shouldn’t cause undue stress. Well, as I’ve discussed bratting throughout this blog and many entries, brats out in the community rose up to give me quite a bit of backlash! I began to cringe and worry that I couldn’t write about bratting without facing the wrath of brats everywhere.

And then I met Kitten. 🙂

After popping onto her beautiful blog, I read an article of hers titled, “When Brats Are Really Good Girls In Disguise” and it blew my mind! She took a highly controversial topic in our community and flipped it on its head with her stance as a brat, but one that doesn’t cause harm to her dominant in any way, shape, or form. I was absolutely intrigued. (And if you haven’t read her article, please go do so! It’s a wonderful read). She left me with questions burning in my mind.

  • Bratting can spice up a relationship?
  • There are dominants out there who want a brat? But why?
  • What kind of enjoyment does the dominant get from a “healthy brat”?
  • Does she get punished for bratting if it was an agreed upon part of their dynamic?

Just because bratting isn’t part of my D/s dynamic doesn’t make it wrong. And quite frankly, my friends, part of living is learning, growing, and evolving as people. So, I reached out to my dear friend, Kitten, and sent her a list of questions. She was gracious enough to share her answers with me (and you!) to help us all learn about a new form of bratting that isn’t wrong… it’s actually quite healthy! She opened my eyes to a new perspective and for that, I’m very grateful.

Yes! You can be a brat and have a wonderful, healthy relationship.

Yes! Your dominant can get enjoyment out of bratting done in a healthy way.

And yes! Bratting behavior can be demonstrated in a way that is more like constructive criticism rather than one who is constantly seeking punishment, or who is “topping from the bottom”.

Now, without further delay, here is the interview that I did with Kitten. I hope you all enjoy it. Remember to hop over to her blog, and show her some love. I hope you all have a fantastic day!

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin Xx

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This is how I envision Kitten and I talking/interviewing lol 🙂
The Basics: 
  • Your Preferred Submissive Name: Kitten
  • Age: (if you feel comfortable sharing) I’m 30 years old.
  • Are you and your dominant: part time, full time, live in, etc. We’re married, so live-in, but we were playing together before we started dating.
  • How would you describe yourself among the general 10 paths of submission: submissive, slave, taken-in-hand, kajira, Little, pleasure slave, masochist/pain pig, pet, pony girl, and domestic servant. (Or a combination thereof! 🙂 ) I’m mostly submissive, but I also I enjoy domestic servitude, masochism and being Sir’s pleasure slave – with the giggly, cheekiness of a Little thrown in!

The Questions: 

1. How and when did you discover that you’re a “good brat”? 
Being a brat for me has never been about upsetting or offending my Sir. Everything I do is about making him smile or helping him in some way. For me, if a brat’s actions are intended to upset a Dom or are for purely personal gain, then they’re not being a “good brat”- that’s just being manipulative and malicious.

2. Did you and your dominant establish rules regarding your bratting at the start of your relationship, and do you two have a contract together?
Not at the start, no. We tried different dynamics (including something based upon the dreaded contract from “Fifty Shades of Grey”) but time and time again we found it too limiting, so we have some unwritten rules instead. Basically, no self-harm or negative self-talk, no touching Sir’s toys without permission , absolutely no use of “cunt” or “twat” and no hiding my feelings. I can get away with spanking my Sir lightly and playfully if he leans across me, but a hard strike or any attempt to reverse roles carries consequences. There’s also basic common sense, like eating sensibly and exercising regularly. I’m not restricted in masturbation because Sir understands I have a higher sex drive than he does and he can’t always be on hand to give me permission (because of his work). The only exception is on “Kinky Fuckery Fridays”, I absolutely have to wait then- no excuses! 

3. Do you feel that brats get a bad reputation or have an unfair stereotype placed upon them by the larger BDSM community? Why or why not?
Yes! Definitely! Actually, a really horrible thing happened to me when I first started out on the BDSM scene, long before I knew I was a brat. I was at an event here in Bristol and I heard a Domme tell her friend that nobody wants a brat, that we’re hard work, rude and ignorant. That’s so not true! A good brat wants the best for you, to help you to become the best version of yourself and to make you smile – I promise! 

4. How would you describe “healthy bratting” behavior and how can bratting spice things up in a relationship?
Like I said above, brats want to help you realize your potential and where you could improve. Was your knot work a bit loose? Let us show you how we can unpick that so that you can improve for next time. Were your instructions a bit simple? Let us find a loophole so we can show you how to be more specific in future. Brats have a personality and they want to let that personality shine. They want you to see that we have a heart, we’re intelligent, we’re caring and we’re fun. We want to help you learn and grow and we want to make your world that little bit brighter at the same time. As for spicing things up, the trouble with a complacent submissive (at least, according to my Sir) is that the relationship runs like clockwork, it can be predictable, boring and routine after a while. Brats are dynamic- no two days are the same!

5. What are some ways that you brat? (Please give examples) 
Playfully answering back is the main one! Also, taking just one battery out of the TV remote. Never both, that’s needlessly excessive when just one on its own will work. To be fair, the last time I did that he got revenge by stealing one of my vibrator batteries so that he could watch the football and I’ve not been allowed to reclaim it since. He won that round!

6. Do you ever get punished for bratting? And if so, what style of punishment does your dominant use? 
It depends, sometimes I get the “Dom look” if we’re out and about, or “guess the toy”, rough sex or tease and denial if I’m pushing it too far at home. Punishments are never punishments though, they’re “funishments”, because he doesn’t actually want me to stop bratting.  

7. What type of positive feeling or fulfillment does your dominant get from your healthy bratting?
 I had to ask him, but he says he enjoys the challenge. Also, it makes him laugh, and it’s “fresh and light” compared to more structured dynamics. I’m not always a brat, I can actually be a good girl and a doting submissive in between times, apparently!

8. What advice would you give to other submissives who feel inclined to brat their dominant? 
Definitely talk to your Dominant about it, agree boundaries and why you want to brat and ONLY brat if they agree with it.  Don’t brat in excess, it’s important to be able to have a sensible conversation sometimes, too. Don’t do anything damaging or painful. For example, drawing a goofy cartoon face and labeling it “Sir/Miss” then popping it in their lunch might be okay and make some Dominants smile, but embarrassing them in public, verbally insulting them or hitting them would be way, way too far. Open, honest communication is always key in any BDSM relationship.

12 comments

    1. You’re so welcome! Elena/Kitten was so gracious in teaching me a new mindset. And it’s awesome to see other healthy brats, like yourself, come out to show your support. I think there needs to be more posts written about this very topic to educate the masses that you CAN brat in a fun, healthy, and playful way! I love it that your bratting uplifts your dominant, because that’s what D/s love is all about 😉 Have an awesome night, my friend! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

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    1. The pleasure was all mine, Elena! We should collaborate on future blog posts too and link to each other! I’m sure between the two of us we can come up with some fun topics. Have an awesome Friday, my friend! xx

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      1. So sorry it’s taken me a week to get back to you, Penny, I’m still getting to grips with this blogger malarkey! 😂 If you have any ideas, do let me know. I think from our writes, we have a lot of similar ideas and perspectives 😊 xx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. A great interview, and I can definitely see her points about “healthy bratting”. It allows for a bit of playfulness, especially when not pushed too far. She has a great blog too. Thanks for directing us to her.

    Liked by 2 people

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  4. I got a great chuckle from this because I described being a brat as just that. If there is a loophole I’ll find it hehe. Like saying no panties under a dress or skirt and me wearing pants them on out 😉 It’s not manipulative but more a game meant to cause fun. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. Pingback: In Defence Of Brats: A Guide – Ten Shades & Me

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