Good Evening Friends,
I’m sitting here curled up in a king sized bed. I have four plushy pillows behind me and the heat blazes at 93 degrees (F)/ 34 degrees (C) outside. Needless to say, this fair skinned kitten is burrowing inside the hotel. This post is going to be therapeutic because truthfully, I just need to let my walls down here. I need to be vulnerable and still. I need to be me.
I admit that I’m a creature of habit. I thrive on routines and structure. As someone with anxiety, sounds, smells, and my surroundings are important to me. Right now I’m in a large hotel. I took a deep, exhausted breath stepping into the glass elevator. I hate elevators, especially since I watched the movie, “Devil”… so scary! They make me feel boxed in. But I knew that I had to get to the third floor. “Okay” I told myself, “let’s do this”. I stepped in and listened to the cacophony of people going to and from their rooms. Children squealed racing down the halls. It had been a long 5 hour drive to get here, but we finally did. Palm trees aplenty greeted us. A stark change to the quiet beaches back home on the farm.
Stepping into the hotel room I instantly began to burrow. It’s what I do. I poked around and then began unpacking. I needed to set my things out similar to how they are at home. It gives me comfort. Is that strange? I also packed my tea mug and builders tea for the road. (You know you love your tea when… lol). So, I’m nestled up in bed here with my cup of tea, as Anxiety sits at the foot of the bed with me. I give him a nod of acknowledgment. “Hello, old friend” I whispered and felt his presence. It’s tingly, like the crackle of lightening.
I knew he would arrive. With the new sounds, smells, and sights… it’s a lot to take in on my system. Like magic he appears when I wish he would take a vacation too. But he didn’t. So instead, I embrace him like an old friend. I welcome him, and thank him for always keeping me on high alert. I’m not going to punish myself for having Anxiety by my side. It’s simply a part of who I am.
I take a look at Anxiety. A black, shadowy figure sitting still as can be. It watches me intently, ready to send another shiver when something new occurs. “This week is going to be full of new experiences” I mumble, “so you’re welcome to send all the shivers you’d like. Cover me in waves of emotion. But… I will always be in control”. And with that, I am centered again. I ground myself. This is what I do when the panic feels high. Maybe it can help you too. I remind myself of the familiar.
I am wearing my comfy sweatpants and tank top. I am drinking my tea out of my favorite kitten mug. I am typing on my laptop and snacking on cheez-it’s… one of my favorite little snacks. 🙂 Things are different around me… but there is a lot that is the same from back home too. It will be okay. Now, it’s time to take another breath, step into that dang elevator again… and head downstairs for hors d’oeuvres.