Day 23 of Submissive Training: Let’s Discuss Humiliation

Good Morning Friends,

It’s a whopping 5:09 am here, and I am up with a stomach bug. (Vacation food *shrugs* what can you do, am I right?). So, I thought I would be productive and crank out the next post a few hours early. 🙂 I hope you all are doing well on this Monday morning. Today we’re going to discuss humiliation. Within the world of BDSM, humiliation certainly isn’t for everyone and if this isn’t your kink, that’s absolutely fine. But if you are curious about incorporating a little humiliation into your submissive training, then keep on reading. Now, let’s dive in. ❤

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I. What is the goal of humiliation? 

The very purpose of humiliation (also known as erotic humiliation) is the act of making the submissive feel mentally humiliated to evoke arousal or sexual excitement. If someone were to ask me if I wanted to be humiliated at the start of my BDSM journey I would have scoffed at the thought. Me? Get humiliated? Why would I want that? But then I had my own experience with it, and I began to understand the appeal of “being put in your place” by your dominant. For me, it revolved around using the bathroom. My entire life I was trained that when you use the restroom, you close the door. That’s simply what you do. So when my husband commanded me to not only leave the door open, but to pee while he sat and watched me…. mentally, I trembled. Physically I was a blushing mess. I stammered in protest, and yet, there was a part of me that felt… intrigued.

Naturally, like many of you out there, I long to obey my dominant. I’m a good girl at heart and pride myself in following orders whether that comes from my husband or my Daddy. Both are incredible men whom I feel blessed to have command over my life. So, with blushing cheeks I obeyed my husband and peed into the toilet in front of him. Mentally it put me deep in subspace. I felt… humiliated. Embarrassed. Broken down in a way that was different from my normal subspace, and in its own way, it was alluring. That is the power of humiliation. You can actually gain sexual excitement, intrigue, and arousal from an act that would normally appear demeaning in the vanilla world.

II. Finding Your Sub’s Threshold: 

If you or your partner are curious about incorporating humiliation into your play session, the first thing you need to do is discuss (at length!) what forms of humiliation you consent to, and what forms are hard limits. Always have consent from both you and your partner before incorporating humiliation! Once you both agree, and you have an idea of what forms of humiliation your sub wants to try, then it’s time to gently begin to test their limits. Remember, your submissive is placing their trust in you to push their boundaries, but to do so in a safe, sane, and consensual manner. Take care of them. Know when to push them a little, and know when to pull them back into their comfort zone so that you don’t cause mental trauma or anguish.

** Here is an excellent list of various forms of humiliation to get ideas for you and your submissive.** 

III. Humiliation in Public: 

There is a rule that many of us, practitioners of BDSM, say when it comes to doing things in public:

“Never do anything that will shock vanilla people, because they may not consent to wanting to see what you’re doing”.

Let’s get real for a moment. Most of the world is vanilla, and by that, I mean that they follow what society deems is “socially acceptable” behavior. And that’s fine. We all have free will and are able to do as we please. However, the greater world already has many misconceptions about BDSM and how we act. They don’t understand that the core values of BDSM are safety and consent. Anyone who is a true practitioner will tell you that you must be safe at all times, and always have consent from every legal adult in a play session. The vanilla world doesn’t see that. They think we are swinging from the rafters in chains whilst whipping each other until we scream. Now, some of us do that (lol) but there are a large number of us who fall across a spectrum of what our kinks, fetishes, desires, and limits are. As such, vanilla people won’t understand why some of us might be attracted to being humiliated if they were to see an act of humiliation in public.

Just as we get the consent from each other when we do play sessions, vanilla people have consent too. Doing an act of humiliation in public risks exposing vanilla people to something that they may not consent to wanting to see. Therefore, if you want to do an act in “public” try and find a place that is remote, secluded, and private. It’s just safer for everyone involved and respects the vanilla world too.

IV. Is Humiliation For You? 

Only you know if humiliation is something that “tickles your fancy” but if you are interested in trying it out, talk to your dominant. Describe the feeling of wanting to be “put in your place”. Express your need to be commanded strongly, to yearn to be overpowered, and to be “broken in”. You should never feel shame for wanting to explore humiliation or any other kink. You are who you are, and that’s always okay! Personally, I love to dabble in humiliation. I like to be put in my place to a degree, but I can’t handle too much because I’m also tender-hearted. My Daddy knows this about me because it was one of the first things we discussed. So, take some time for self-reflection. Explore the link (above) with the giant list of erotic humiliation tactics and see if anything interests you. Then, move from there.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. I hope you all have a great start to the week, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin Xx

5 comments

  1. Loved this article! There are definite pluses to various degrees of humiliation and you’re right it is good to discuss them prior to engaging in them. After all, some doms may not even be into humiliation or they may not see what they are doing as humiliation to begin with. For example, a dom may see telling his sub to go without panties while wearing a dress as not being humiliation, whereas the sub may see it otherwise.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true, AC! I created tons of free printables (and checklists) for the very reason that you describe. It’s so easy for couples to slip up and do something in a play session that they might think will “spice up” the moment, when it can have the complete opposite. Knowing what your partner is into prior to playing together, will minimize any “oopsie!” moments lol. Thank you for the excellent feedback and comment 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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