Parenthood & BDSM, Part 7: Fatherhood and Dominance [Spotlight Interview with Daddy Cernnunos]

Good Afternoon Friends!

I hope you all are having a great day. I am back with another “Parenthood and BDSM” post, because we all know that having kids doesn’t slow you down all that much when it comes to kinky-fuckery. 😉 That said, today I’m shining a spotlight on all the great dads out there. Can I get a woot woot for every dad putting in the time to raise their kids to be the best that they can be?

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Alright, now today I am turning our focus to fatherhood and dominance. Does being a dominant in a D/s dynamic impact a man’s experience as a father to their own children? Does society have different views and visions of what a “dominant” should look like? Today, I’m bringing you an interview with a very special person…. MY DADDY! 😀

Yes, today’s spotlight interview is with my own dominant, Daddy Cernnunos! He just created a blog to begin writing about his experiences as a dom. So y’all do me a favor and go smash that follow button on his blog and show him some love, okay? ❤ Now let me pass the mic to this very special man in my life. 😉

The Basics: 

Your Dominant Name That You Prefer to Be Called: Daddy or Sir (depending on who is talking to me)

Age: 45

How long have you been practicing BDSM? 10+ years

D/s Status: Taken

How many children do you have? Two

*Interview Questions: *

  1. When and how did you first discover that you’re a dominant? 

Ironically, this is something that I have given a lot of thought to over the last several years.  I’m quite prone to engaging in both introspection/retrospection, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve always been dominant. Keep in mind, I’m not referring to being “dominant” strictly in the sense of the BDSM lifestyle.  But, rather, how you carry yourself in your every-day life, regardless of your choice of kink/sexual lifestyle.

All that said, I’ve always been of the “dominant” mindset. Even from as far back as I can remember…I have never been, nor will ever be, someone that you would consider to be a “follower”. I was always the one that took control and was either the leader or marched to the beat of my own drum.  A part of that is due to my natural personality, but also, a lot of it had to do with how I was raised.  It was instilled in me, and I was subsequently equipped, be a strong, decisive, independent man.

However, in relation to the “lifestyle” component of being a dominant.  I was always drawn to the power-exchange, and other kinks, of the BDSM lifestyle.  I just never fully understood the entire concept until around 15 years ago, but even then (due to lack of knowledge), I was hesitant to embrace the lifestyle completely.  Over time, I educated myself and finally came to terms with my own desires and how it worked in cohesion with my overall personality.

One thing that I can say is… this is an ever changing, ever evolving journey.  There are things about myself that I am still discovering, areas in which I am still growing, and areas that I am needing growth.  If one stops growing, and evolving, then they aren’t doing any service to themselves… or their partners.

  1. Do you feel that men have a societal expectation to be dominant? Why or why not? And if so, how does society’s version of being a dominant, and your own experiences being a dominant differ? 

Interesting question. If you dialed things back about 60 years, I would say that “yes” there was a societal expectation for men to be dominant.  However, even then, that is also defined by where you are from.  After all, there are many cultures that ascribe to a matriarchal society as opposed to a patriarchal society.  Today though… I think it is more divided (at least in the US) between the conservative and liberal mindsets.  Those more conservative, still feel that the man should be the dominant and “wear the pants in the family.”  Whereas, liberals view those same “pants” as more unisex, or perhaps swings both ways (No pun intended).  Regardless, even in “vanilla” relationships someone is always the dominant personality.

As for how society’s version and mine differ, society’s view of a “dominant” from a BDSM perspective is all over the place, and often filled with misinformation.  There is a tendency to view “Doms” as over-bearing, mean, narcissistic, abusive… I can go on and on.  Unfortunately, there are members of the lifestyle that do exhibit those traits, and because of that, the pervasive misunderstanding continues. I believe that respect is earned, and once earned, it should never be abused.  So, while I may be the dominant one in the room, it doesn’t mean I have to be mean or disrespectful.  It is just a way of life for me.

  1. What are some of the morals and values that you live by as a dominant? Do these overlap with how you raise your children? 

Obviously, my morals and values overlap with how I raise my children.  After all, it overlaps with everything I do and everyone I interact with.  I can spend a long time talking about morals and values.  Especially since this speaks to my natural philosophical bent.  However, that would likely take several pages and/or posts, to really dive into.  Let’s just say that I believe in the following basic principles:

    1. “Do unto others as you’d have done unto you.” In other words, how you treat someone else is reflected in how they treat you.
    2. Be as good as your word, because all you have is your word.
    3. There is no such thing as “I can’t” and laziness is an unacceptable trait.
    4. Give 100% of your best effort in everything you do.
    5. You will screw up, it is inevitable, and screwing up is ok… just you learn from it.

  1. What form of domination best describes your identity within the world of BDSM? (Daddy, Master, Sir, Owner, Switch) How did you discover that this was your preferred identity?

 

I tried to avoid labeling myself for many years and simply saw myself as a Dominant man that preferred a submissive woman.  Some of that was due to a lack of understanding, and some of it was due to the stigma associated with the certain type of submissive I found myself attracted to.  It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I fully embraced the fact that I was drawn to “littles” and I was able to look beyond how society perceives the incestuous undertones of being a “Daddy”.  When that happened, I was fully able to embrace who I was a both a Dominant and I could also understand my Dominant style more.

If I had to choose a label (identity), it would be the “Daddy” in a DD/lg relationship.  However, at the same time, I still feel there is much more to D/s than just that one label can encompass.  I think that most people in the lifestyle are mix of several different labels.  It is just that one label tends to shine through more than others at times.

When it comes to Dominant styles… again, I see that there are overlapping features across each of the styles mentioned above and all of which fall under the “Dominant/submissive” style as sub-categories.  Personally, I lean more towards the Dominant styles of “Taken in Hand” and “Domestic Discipline”.

However, I also see myself also leaning towards the “Master/slave” style as well.  I believe that parts of the M/s lifestyle can mesh well with the “Taken in Hand” style.  There is an ownership implied in both, and a level of control and obedience that overlaps in many ways.  This can be in ways like: choosing how the submissive dresses, ordering her food, having a say in who she can interact with and knowing where she is at all times.  The difference for me is the fact (unlike many Masters) that level of control comes from a place of love, not because I view my submissive as simply my property.  I take the standpoint that her submission, trust and obedience is earned, it is not a right.  Therefore, while I may “own” her, that ownership can be taken away at her discretion.  So, everything must be done out of love.

Because it comes from a place of love, even though my decision is the final decision, I want my submissive to share her thoughts and have a voice in things.  Why?  Because even as a Dominant, I don’t know everything and there is validity and value in what another person thinks.

  1. Do you use any strategies with your children, regarding punishment or protocol, that you have also used with a submissive? 

Definitely!  Off the top of my head, I can think of several things, but I’ll try to keep it is condensed as possible and minimize it to only a few of them:

Choices:

If you are giving them a choice, limit that choice to no more than three things.  Anything else just leads to chaos, indecision and irritation.

Tasks

I don’t believe in giving tasks just for the sake of giving tasks.  Only give tasks that have value to them.  Whether it is a child, or a sub, the task assigned should serve a purpose.  It should build them up in some way or help them grow.

Setting Expectations: 

When it comes to expectations, communication is critical.  This is most important when it is something that they are doing for the very first time.  Your child and/or your sub need clear cut instructions and need to understand your expectations.  This is especially true if you want it done a certain way.  After all, leaving things up to interpretation can be dangerous, and it can lead to hurt feelings when they discover you aren’t happy with what they have done.

Whether it is a child or a sub, be open to questions from them. Take a few extra seconds to talk out what the task is, be open to question as to “why” and explain the reasoning behind it.  “Because I am Daddy and I say so,” is not an appropriate answer.  Would you be satisfied if that was what you got?  Would you try your best?  In short, communicate, communicate, communicate!

Punishment:

The main thing about punishment is the “follow-through”.  As a parent, or a Dominant, you have to be willing to mete out the prescribed punishment.  If you really don’t want to take the time or energy to hand out the punishment, don’t give voice to it.  By not following through, the child and/or sub, learn that you don’t mean what you say and your warning isn’t effective.  In my house it is understood, when Daddy speaks, he means what he says and he always follows through with it.

  1. Has being a dominant shaped or enhanced your parenting in any way? And if so, how? 

Definitely.  Being a dominant, my role is to provide for the needs of my submissive, whatever those needs may be.  My role is to be a provider, a place of safety/security, someone to lend a guiding hand and help build her up.  At the same time, I also see it is as my role to provide discipline when needed.  Since that is the case, being a father has helped shape my being a dominant, just as much as being a dominant helped shape my parenting style.  They both are intertwined and work together cohesively.

  1. What type of communication strategies do you use with your submissive that you also use with your children? 

 

Oooh… well, I think I cheated a bit and covered most of this above.  Didn’t I?  The bottom line is to understand that your submissive, like your children, has feelings.  They own those feelings and you should be willing to hear them out, even if you don’t agree with them.  You should be clear in what you say.  If you want to be respected, then first you have to give respect and to earn it.  Yelling achieves nothing, and there are more enjoyable ways to release that stress valve with a submissive.

  1. What is the best thing about being a dominant? And what is the best part of fatherhood?

For me, it is knowing that I am, and always will be, their safe place.  That I am always going to be there to guide them, support them and help them, in whatever way needed.  It is watching them grow and become more comfortable in their own skin.  It is watching/helping them achieve their goals, short term or long term.  It is the love in their eyes, even when they are upset with you (or themselves).  I don’t know, I guess everything is the “best” about being a dominant and/or being a father.

8 comments

  1. Sounds like an excellent dom. Great post! I think the only thing we differ on is laziness. I am lazy as hell lol. In fact.. I am sooo lazy that I work my ass off to get as much done as possible so I have more time to be lazy. 😁

    Liked by 2 people

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