Parenthood & BDSM: Can Parents Be Kinky?, Part 8 of 10 [Spotlight Interview]

Good Afternoon Friends!

I’m back with another post in the “Parenthood and BDSM” series. In the last post, we heard from my dominant, Daddy Cernnunos, about how dominance has shaped his journey as a father. In today’s post we’re going to turn the spotlight to husband and wife couple, Kenneth Scott (Daddy) and Sweet BBW Sub (Mommy)! They are a wonderful switch D/s couple, who are also parents to two beautiful girls. They gave the most phenomenal answers in today’s interview that I know you’re going to love.

But first! Please head on over to their blog at: 24/7 Players Lifestyle Blog and hit that follow button and show them some love. ❤ Also, if you’re on Twitter, check out their juicy tweets at: Kenneth Scott (aka Daddy) @philoveritas79 and Mommy @SweetBBWSub1

And don’t forget to wish them a very Happy 10-Year Wedding Anniversary!! Congrats you two! Here’s to many, many more!! 😀 

long-love-quotes-for-her

And now, let’s examine today’s topic with these two beautiful people. As a fellow parent, I can attest that things change when you have a child. They change even more when you have multiples. Society suddenly begins to dictate how you, as a parent, should and should not act. For most vanilla people, the transition is seamless. But what if you’re not vanilla? What if you’re both a parent and a kinkster? How do you balance both, time for your child, and time for play sessions? How do you make it all work? In today’s interview, this couple (and long time practitioners of BDSM) share with you just how they make it work. I know you’ll grin, laugh, and relate to many of their experiences that all of us fellow kinky-parents face! Now, let’s dive in. 😉

Topic: “Can Parents Be Kinky?” 

** Please note that D refers to Daddy and M refers to Mommy ** 

The Basics:

  • The Names You Prefer to Be Called:

D: Although it arose organically outside of d/s, she is Mommy, I am Daddy. It sure helps to fly under the radar around our kids though, as our titles are effective double entendres.

  • Ages:

D: We are both in our late-30’s, too young for gen-x, too old to be millennials.

  • Status:

D: Married and monogamous.

  • How long have you practiced BDSM?

D: 25 years, though there have been periods of what might be considered vanilla interspersed.

M: 17 years, just like daddy it has not been consistently practiced.

  • How many children do you have?

D: 2 girls, 8 & 3

 

Interview Questions:

  1. How did you both come into the BDSM lifestyle?

D: Right from the beginning of my sexual life at age 15 I just fell into a d/s relationship as a sub and from there every relationship since then has had some BDSM flavour in a wide range of roles/dynamics.

M: In around 2002 I was in a relationship with a man 15 years my elder. It was not discussed that we were in a d/s relationship and I did not realize it till many years later. I found myself on a BDSM dating website about 1-2 years later were I became familiar with many kinks and had many experiences which taught me that this was the lifestyle for me .

  1. How did you meet each other? And how long have you been married?

D: Oddly enough we met online on two different sites at different times, but the one that did the job was a bdsm dating site(alt.com), it was just supposed to be a one-time hookup but I guess I got hooked on the other-worldly sex we were having, that was 15 years ago.

M: We just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary.

  1. How/When did you discover that you’re a switch couple?

D: That is a much more recent development, while I’ve identified as switch for decades, even a year ago I would’ve sworn Mommy was a pure sub, but we’ve been slowly and progressively getting into switching.

M: We never really spoke about our roles until recently. I was in a relationship just before being with daddy where I was the domme, so I do have some experience as such. I am more comfortable as a submissive with daddy though. It hasn’t even been a year now that daddy and I have been switching but it feels right and we both gain much pleasure from it.

  1. How would you describe your D/s style? (S&M, Owner/Pet, Ddlg, M/s, etc.)

D: Very complicated, We practice mutual ownership d/s, in the bedroom I am the Dominant though I vary from Primal Predator, to Pro-style Service-top, to Sadistic Discipline Daddy, to Bratty Little Boy, sometimes all in the same session. Outside of the bedroom, we have equal power, but I am a bit of a collared pet, and Mommy plays the role of financial provider/finsub depending on how you look at it…

Parenting Questions:

  1. How did your play sessions change when you became pregnant?

D: It really messed with my head, I barely touched her for the first two trimesters, though once her milk came in I couldn’t get enough.

M: Sex was so far from my mind during the first two trimesters as I had complications during pregnancy.

  1. Was there ever a concern with remaining kinky when you had your first child?

D: We were already years into a gradual process of ‘settling down’ which we both thought was what married people were supposed to do, in reality we were drifting apart during that time.

M: We both thought that we could not be kinky and be parents. This led into a very vanilla relationship and almost the end of our marriage. When we hit bottom we had to decide either to end things or how to be happy with each other again. It was then that we decided to go back into our BDSM lifestyle.

Do you think that society (or vanilla couples) often presume that couples slow down in their sex life when they become parents?

D: See my previous answer, we were one of those couples, though for us, thinking that way proved to be a disaster.

M: There are so many people screaming from the roof tops about how their sex lives ended due to marriage and/or cause of kids that it seems like everyone believes that it has to be that way. As daddy said, we were that couple.

  1. How do you balance time for intimacy while still making plenty of time to raise your children?

D: It seemed so difficult with our first child, we put everything into parenting and nothing into our relationship. Communication and establishing firm boundaries with our children is what ultimately led to us achieving that balance. If you want it bad enough you can make time for your partner a priority for those times when the children are sleeping/cared for.

M: In my mind we’re at a great time for the balancing. The oldest likes to go play with friends while the youngest naps. That gives us our time together. Kids don’t stay up too late so again we have our time. I’ve gotten better at putting babysitting into our budget so that we can have date nights.

  1. What are some ways that you think you’re different from other vanilla parents? (Is there a specific example or moment that comes to kind? If so, we’d love to hear a funny story!).

D: We definitely have to be more open about certain subjects with our children. I openly wear bondage gear, so I’ve had to discuss it with my children. Not graphically of course, but in a way they can understand. I’ve explained that my collar is like my wedding ring, a symbol of my love and devotion to Mommy. Naturally they see nothing inherently wrong with that.

M: Our kids were messing around in our bedroom and found our under bed restraints system under the mattress. They cuffed the youngest to the bottom of the bed saying that they were playing cops and robbers. Daddy and I just kind of said that was what we use them for but that it was not a toy for them and that they should not be playing in our room. Haven’t had an issue with it since.

  1. Have you ever worried (or experienced) your children walking in on you during a “private moment”?

D: There have been a few close calls and a few minor incidents that often get detailed on our blog, but our oldest child has learned the hard way to knock when our bedroom door is closed. She knows that we aren’t fighting even though it sometimes sounds like it, and she knows that I spank Mommy with her consent. The little one can’t open the door yet so we’ll probably have to go through it all again soon.

  1. What is the most difficult aspect of balancing time for play sessions and parenting?

D: Breaking our children of wanting to sleep in our bed was a giant hurdle, that is automatic scene-repellent, after that, the biggest challenge is functioning with the few hours of sleep I get after playing late into the night.

M: the day to day activities with work then kids can get you very tired and not in the mood for a session. Daddy is really good though at getting me past these feelings.

  1. Does being a kinky parent (versus a vanilla parent) change your viewpoint in how you’re raising your children (in terms of teaching them sex education one day, your morals and values as D/s-Switch, etc.)?

D: Out of necessity we have already begun to educate our children in a sex-positive manner, having discussions about consent, sexual orientation, and gender issues, etc. I hope we do serve as a positive example that kinky people can also be regular people and our children will not see us as deviants.

M: As daddy has said we’ve already been talking to the kids about sex education and consent etc. It is so important to me that our kids can come to us with questions that they have about anything and everything.

  1. What would you say to other couples out there who want to incorporate more kink into their lives, but feel concerned that they can’t balance family life with adult play time?

D: It’s not impossible, but don’t expect to have much time for any other side commitments, hobbies, activities. It’s just a matter of priorities, we make time for multiple sessions per day and there is no need for busier parents to try to match that pace. Desire and communication is all you really need and it can be worked out.

M: If kink is what will make you and your partner happy then find a way to work it into your schedule. The happier the parents are the happier the children will be. Children need to see and hear love between their parents and not just fighting all the time. They will have more appreciation and respect for the two of you as a unit and be less likely to try to work you against the other as kids often do.

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