Good Afternoon Friends,
After having oral surgery today, I’m still a little bit high as a kite. 🙂 However, I wanted to share this post with you as we continue forth with this series. So, y’all bare with me if my typing isn’t completely on point lol. (We’ll just blame the hydrocodone). Alright! Today I want to discuss the concept of a middle-space that is “wholesome” or non-sexual. Why? Because there are things in society that skew the view of what an adolescent should look like, or act like. At a glance, it may not seem like an issue. But for many middles, these stereotypes begin to invade the Cg/l community and crop up like pesky weeds. Are you ready to learn more? Then, let’s dive in.
I. The Trouble with Porn:
Let’s talk about porn. I used to watch porn. I watched it for years! There, I said it. Like so many people around the world, I hopped on Pornhub looking for “inspiration” as to what aroused and intrigued me. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at first. Sure, I knew that Christianity said that it was tempting and immoral. But… when you want to simply “get off”… you don’t really think about those things. Then I began on my own journey as a submissive, and questions arose.
- How come BDSM porn scenes don’t show them using safe words?
- Why do we never see aftercare in a BDSM porn scene (especially one with heavy impact play)?
- Why are the “Littles” depicted on Pornhub usually with much, much older men? And why are they all wearing pigtails, and knee high socks? (Like every. single. one!)
As I ventured deeper into our community, meeting Littles of every shape and size, and each one coming from a different relationship dynamic, I realized how staged pornography really is. It’s completely fake! Then, I began writing about it and my arousal towards porn became snuffed out. I was done watching porn. I never went back. It’s not that I “hate” porn. I just intellectually know the difference between what a real BDSM play session looks like, versus a porn scene. I can tell you that dominants do not act like the ones you see in those videos.
When it comes to being a submissive, Middles have it rough largely in part to the porn industry. Think about the millions and millions of people who view these videos that depict young girls, clad in schoolgirl uniforms, pigtails bouncing, as they entice their teacher. They get titles such as “horny schoolgirl” or “Little Princess wants a Big C***”. You get the idea. Porn is simply entertainment. It’s a fantasy. But for people who are trying to learn about how to care for a Middle, porn is the last place you should be looking.
Middles, while slightly different from Littles, need all of the same basic guidance, love, protection, and understanding that Littles need. Just because their tastes differ slightly, doesn’t mean that their treatment in a Cg/l relationship should vary all that much. There is a distinct difference between a Middle who wants to be in a head space during sex versus a Middle who does not. One is considered age play, the other is not. “Adolescents” depicted in porn are meant to make you think about teenagers in a sexual way (which is a whole different issue!). Legal adults regressing into the Middle mindset are not in any way, shape, or form, connected to real underage minors.
II. Lolita Subculture and Anime:
And then we come to hentai, anime, and lolita fashion. Look, I’ll admit a secret to you here: I used to love hentai! No, seriously! It was my preferred porn-watching of choice! Real people did little for me. But there was something fantasy-esque about hentai that pushed me over the edge. I loved how crazy hentai could get. I loved the big breasts and perfect hourglass women getting pounded by various men. I loved the story-line set up with each video. It was like watching the naughtiest movie ever! But, no one can deny that anime and hentai has created some issues in society with people sexualizing the image of children. And that’s where I have a major issue.
It’s “okay” for hentai artists to create videos of very, very young girls getting molested and/or raped on trains. (Did you know that this problem actually exists in Japan?) It’s seen as acceptable because it’s simply art. And art isn’t real…. right? Well, not exactly. What we see, we internalize. And what we surround ourselves with, we begin to imitate. So, anime and hentai became mainstream in Japan. Suddenly the younger generations began rising up to wear clothing they called, appropriately: Lolita. Lolita fashion is someone who dresses in this certain style to retain an eternal look of childhood. Now you might be thinking, “yes, but isn’t that the same as age regression?”. Yes and no. Age regressors are legal adults who regress in a safe sanctuary where they can slip into a head space (with or without wearing Cg/l attire) to suspend their mind and feel small. This may or may not have the intention of attracting attention from others. People wearing lolita fashion wear this out and about in public. They are trying to be youthful such as this image here:
Now, don’t get me wrong! I love watching anime series. I’m a huge Naruto fan. I’ve watched “Bleach”, “Chi’s Sweet Home”, and nearly every Studio Ghibli movie out there. But the lolita fashion is skewing society to think that women want to dress, act, and be treated as children. Middles don’t need the pressure of unwanted attention simply because subcultures out there are feeding into this rhetoric of “look younger, and younger…”.
III. Keeping a Pure Middle Space:
Which brings me to how to keep your Middle space different from societal stereotypes. You may act like a teen, dress like a teen, but let’s be clear: you are still a legal adult! You are still a Middle with the right to say “no” to unwanted attention. You are a Middle who has the right to having your Middle space be any way that you desire. If you don’t want to incorporate age play, or view your Middle head-space as a kink, that’s fine! Engage in activities (with or without your dominant) that makes you feel small. Currently, I’m sitting here in my new kawaii, romper shirt from lil’ kink boutique playing with the “Happy Color” App. It’s my favorite. You do what works for you! Watch those movies that you enjoy. Dance around the house like no one is watching. Make your food colorful and cute. Create a Middle Space that allows you to feel comfortable. Push any other social media image far, far away from your mind. You’ve got this! ❤
IV. What to Do When Kinks Collide:
We’re going to get personal for a moment, because I believe in the power of us learning from one another. When my husband and I decided to become a Cg/l couple, we quickly learned that we had a clash in our kinks of choice. He wanted my little space to include age play. I did not. My little space is a mental head space in which I’m a happy 5 year old who loves to be silly, color, and just unwind. No where am I thinking about getting “down and dirty”. I save that for playful “big me”. So when he began putting on the movies while I was wearing a onesie I tilted my head. I was jarred out of little space, and we had to have “the talk”.
I sat there explaining my needs to him as a Little. I laid things out clearly, right there at the beginning of the relationship, that while I understood his kink for being attracted to adult littles, my little space needed to remain wholesome and non-sexual. It can be an awkward conversation to have, but one that I assure you is critically important. Tell your partner how you feel. Tell them what emotions are bubbling up. You don’t need to hold it in all the time. Now, Cappy and I have long-since learned that when I say, “little little” (my code word for: hey, I’m slipping in the head space), he isn’t to make a sexual advance on me. Then, when I’m done being small, if he desires to take me he can do so in my “big me” submissive head space. You live and you learn, my friends. 🙂
Alright my peeps, that’s it for today’s post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. I hope you all had a wonderful day, and I will see you back here for the next topic!