The Knife Cuts Deep [Parenting Rambles]

Good Morning Friends,

I wish I could say it was a good morning, but that would be a lie. And I’m many things, but a liar, I am not. Two, tiny blue eyes pierced at me this morning. Anger and loathing seethed through my daughter’s veins. “Mama, why don’t we have our own place!” she hissed in a tone that I haven’t heard for a long while.

The landlords said no. Cosmos had to go. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

On one hand I wanted to seethe in anger with her. The landlords were more concerned about their furniture than one of God’s creatures. On the other hand, I had to remain strong, in control, steady, and calm. I wanted to be anything but calm. I tried to wrap my arms around my daughter. “It’s NOT FAIR!” she roared. “I know” I whispered, finally pulling her to my chest, “I know”. It wasn’t fair. As a parent, we try and shield our children from the pain of life, but it’s impossible. I didn’t want her to experience loss like this right now. I didn’t want her to hurt, weep, and feel rage. I didn’t want her to see people who are materialistic.

But I can’t shield her from everything no matter how hard I try.

The anger was tangible as we said our goodbyes this morning. My husband walked over to tell the old woman that we were letting Cosmos go. “Fine” she quipped and went back to her gardening. She didn’t care. We cared. Her nonchalance fueled our anger ever more. But, like a good parent, I remain steady, calm, and focused. I knelt down before my weeping child. I wanted to tell her how difficult it is to purchase a place out here by the beach, let alone on one income. I wanted to tell her that God does things for a reason. But none of that was going to sink in right now. The wound was too raw.

I cupped her chin and made her meet my eyes.

“Look at me” I whispered, “I promise you that one day we will have our own land, okay? And when that day comes… you can have any pet you want”. She sniffled in sorrow and defeat. I hugged her hard.

Life sucks sometimes. But it’s in those moments that we just cling to each other harder.

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin Xx


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