Whispers in the Music [Reflections]

I close my eyes tonight. Every now and then I’ll hear a whisper.

A soft beckoning that reminds me of a time that once was. I grow still, and quiet, welcoming it into my space.

Warmth. Large, rugged hands. Hands that once were proud to hold mine.

Fragmented. Shattered.

Where did I go wrong? Innocence lost.

And yet, the music remains. Please don’t go… the whispers become softer.

I squeeze my eyes tighter.

“Stay”, I plead.

The music fills my heart.

Let’s hang on, to what we’ve got.

I hear your voice in my head.

Big girls don’t cry, you sing in a voice pure and smooth.

Blue piercing eyes that see through my soul.

A replica of you, and yet, so different.

Looking at you, I reach forward, stretching with all my might.

“Oh yeah I’ll tell you something, I think you’ll understand…

When I say that something… I wanna hold your hand.”

Just as I’m about to reach you, the cold wind hits my face.

“You know I love you, but I just can’t take this”  the whisper says

“You know I want to, but I’m in too deep”.

Like icy rain, a piece of me shatters as I wince in pain.

“Dad!” I scream, “try to see it my way. Do I have to keep on talking till I can’t go on?… We gotta work it out….”.

Like leaves in the wind, piece by piece, I watched you flutter away….

Falling to my knees the cold began to mold my fragile heart shaping it anew, leaving a void in your wake…

“Hello, darkness my old friend… I’ve come to talk with you again….because a vision softly creeping… left its seeds while I was sleeping… And the vision was planted in my brain… still remains… within the sound of silence”.

The heart of a Little beats in the halls of darkness. A time of what once was. Yearning for a stable figure, one who won’t leave.

Mindless wanderings… searching… breathing… yet numb. Country roads…. take me home…. to the place… I belong….

Tears… hollow fears shroud me like an unwelcome blanket….

I wanna know what love is…. I’m stuck in the middle with you.

One foot trying to turn back, while the rest of me continues to move on.

And just as I can’t bare to go on…. I find you there.

A warm breath flows over me, wrapping me in a serenity I’ve never known.

Like the finest wine you become intoxicated too. Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name, and it feels like home.

Intertwined fingers. Promises made. Vows taken. Knees to the earth I bow my head in total submission.

Only then do I finally feel whole. The Little within loved once again. The young girl inside, at last, cherished and held close.

With a silent prayer to the sky I whisper, “You can let go now, Daddy. You can let go. Your little girl is ready, to do this on my own. It’s gonna be a little scary, but I want you to know, I’ll be okay now daddy…. you can let go….”.

A gust of wind caresses my cheek as the whispers finally die away.

And all that’s left is me.