Good Morning Friends,
A very Happy Friday to you. We made it to another weekend! Do you have plans for this weekend? Around here, I am preparing for an exciting October. It’s beginning to feel like Fall (cue me whipping out every space heater we own lol), and I am feeling the need to burrow. But that’s not what I want to talk about today. There will be plenty of space on here for pumpkin-everything and Fall decor aplenty.
Today I want to talk about: communication, transparency, and aging.
Over the past few days, I’ve had some really intense conversations that has forced me to slow down, and just be blunt with my partners. They were all good talks and very healthy to the relationships. But I reflected this morning how, if I was a younger version of me, I probably wouldn’t be able to handle having two relationships. I just lacked the maturity and understanding. I lacked the compassion that it takes to be in two full relationships. Polyamory is not for the faint of heart. It takes a well of love, understanding, patience, tenacity, and the willingness to work on yourself too. In these moments of conversations with Daddy C and Nani, I’ve had to express my most raw, real emotions. I’ve had to state exactly how I felt with no room for assumption. That can be difficult to do.
But it’s also quite liberating.
It’s freeing to say: this is EXACTLY how I feel! To own your emotions without apology and to have a partner who is listening with unconditional love, creating a safe space for you to do so, is deeply rewarding. I’m blessed to be with two wonderful men. I had another moment bubble up just last night that caused me to again be super blunt about my feelings. When it comes to my birthday, we’ve always done the same thing every year. The family and I head over to my mother’s house. I call her “The Dragon Lady” because you never know what side of my mother you’re going to get that day. She cooks a dinner that’s to her appetite and calls it my birthday supper. She hands me a card and a gift card, or a present that is “useful” to my life. (One year I got a gift bag of diet pills). We make small chat about the weather and her travels, and then we head home.
I’ll be 35 in a month and last night when my daughter was rambling on about my birthday I suddenly had a realization. I didn’t want to go to my mother’s this year! I looked at my husband. “I want a little birthday” I said suddenly. He pulled out his phone to take notes nodding for me to continue. “I want a cake… not with 35 on it… just 5” I said beginning to daydream, “and balloons… I love balloons”. My daughter began to get excited. “And Winnie the Pooh stuff?!” she asked. I pointed at her winking. “We’re definitely doing a tea party complete with tea sandwiches and party hats just like Winnie the Pooh” I said. She squealed with glee. “And then…. I’d like to go to the ocean” I said at last. My happy spot. I love being on the waves. “BECAUSE WE’RE PIRATES!!” my daughter crowed. (Have I mentioned that her current career of choice is to be a pirate? She learned about Grace O’Malley and has been hooked ever since. Hehe!). “Yarr matey” I said grinning at her. We turned on sea shanties and relaxed to the tunes.
But my heart felt light. I had stated my most authentic emotions. I had been real to myself and to my family. It was then that I understood the need to be more blunt and honest with my feelings. Not that I hold back, because I don’t. But I think we’re raised to have tact, mindfulness, and consideration to those around us, and that’s important too. But I also think we need to make space for embracing our honest, raw emotions. We need to be our most authentic selves, and that starts by conveying exactly how we feel in a given situation. I believe there’s a way to be both honest and blunt, while still being gentle and kind.
That said, I won’t be going to my mother’s home this year. I’ll be “Little Me” for my birthday this year. I’m turning 5… again. 😉 I’m going to fill my world with rainbows and colors. I’m going to pour glitter over my day and smile, smile, smile! I’m going to give thanks for all that I have, and cherish the time with my partners and my daughter. I’m going to be me.
Have a beautiful Friday, my friends. Give yourself some love today, and I will see you back here for the next topic.