“Is it Wrong to be Vanilla?” [Late Night Rambles]

Good Evening Friends,

I’m a bit behind on my posts for the day. My apologies on that. I want to come here to decompress. I need to decompress. My thoughts feel jumbled, and so tonight I sit here with my giant ball of tangled yarn pulling string by string at a time. Okay, here’s a thought I had this evening (unrelated to this post’s topic but I just had to ask):

You know how Sia has that song, “Chandelier”? And in the lyrics she sings, “I…. wanna swing…. from the chandelier… the chandelier!”. Do you think Sia is a secret kinkster?! Think about it for a moment. There’s some wild, impact play that happens in suspension. And, Sia hates to show her face in general. Do you think that deep down she is as kinky as the rest of us??? *Mind blown*!


Okay, now that I got that random thought out of my head, let’s jump into tonight’s topic: vanilla peeps. I was sitting with my husband chatting about vanilla people. We were talking about people we knew when in passing I said, “you know they are doing it missionary”. Now, in context, I was just making a joke between my husband and I to make him crack up… which he did. But suddenly I caught myself in the moment and began to think about how, in general, us kinky people discuss vanilla people in a “we” versus “them” type of situation. I’m guilty of it too.

The thought began to eat at my brain. Is it wrong to be vanilla???

I’ve always been the type of person to fight for the underdog. I stand up when someone is being bullied. I say what I feel is right. But suddenly, in that moment I felt like a person judging vanilla people! So, I came here to clear the air. Once upon a time before we were all into BDSM… we, too, were vanilla people. A 19 year old version of me once gasped, turning 50 shades of red when I saw a penis for the first time. (True story). I was vanilla. I knew nothing beyond missionary and doggy. (And let me be clear: those sex positions are still quite wonderful!). And while I have evolved in my sexual journey, I never want to be the person judging another for being vanilla.

If you want to do missionary because it feels right with you, do it. If you think that BDSM and Cg/l is so outside of the box that we are a bunch of “nutters”. Well, that’s fine too. Generally speaking, I’m a live and let live kind of girl. You do you, and I’ll do me. And if we can mingle together, awesome.

Tonight was a wake up call for me.

Do we need to have so much division between us and the rest of society? Do we need to label people as “vanilla” or “kinky”? Certainly labels give comfort in our minds as to how to identify people. But, instead of creating division among people I propose that we turn towards the idea of inclusion. What if there was a person out there who only knew about sex from a procreation standpoint, but who wanted to explore more about sex for recreational and pleasurable purposes? We would welcome them, right? It doesn’t matter if you’re vanilla or swinging from the rafters like Rocky Road Ice Cream. Be yourself. Enjoy sexual expression with your partner. Sex is beautiful, and such a deep expression of love.

So, maybe we can all grow a bit and decide to drop the use of labels and embrace people as… people. 🙂 We’re one humanity. A beautiful array of different souls existing on the same planet. (I think my hippie side is showing right now lol).

Anyway, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin xx


  1. Ok! So a Vanilla is someone who just makes love in missionary position? What does that make Rex and I, I wonder? Hmmm. We do it that way most times. Its lovely to look at each other and kiss. Is tying someone up kinky? Is doggyposition kinky? I’m ignorant sorry. Like you say…does it matter as long as it right for the couple!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The whole “us” vs “them” scenario between kinky vanilla folk has always bothered me too, just because you’re right, we aren’t so different. Personally, I use”vanilla” very loosely on my blog for purposes of familiarity, rather than personal opinion. You’re right in saying it’s a matter of personal choice. What two (pr more) people do together i entirely up to them, we shouldn’t judge 😉

    As a side note, what even is “vanilla”, anyway? To someone who engages in heavy bondage and needle play, a bit of light bondage and sensual sex might be vanilla. For someone who engages in sex with only a few props, sex with no props at all might be vanilla. Sorry for making you think so hard first thing in the morning 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. An excellent point, Elena! ❤ You know "vanilla" is such an odd term lol. If we're all being super honest, I think there needs to be a healthy balance of making love and exploring other tastes (whatever those may be individually). Missionary and the like is so beautiful and sensual. Perhaps, to answer your question, there isn't a thing really as "vanilla" so much as there are people who doesn't agree with the BDSM lifestyle, and those who enjoy it. 🙂 But yes, in the end, so long as the couple is happy…. do you and stay true to what feels right. Big hugs to you, my friend!! xx

      Liked by 1 person

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