“Nerdy Littles” Series, Part 5: The Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts of Online Roleplaying!

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Good Morning Friends!

We’re back with another “Nerdy Littles” post today. But first, HAPPY FRIDAY!!! I hope you all are having a lovely day. In today’s post I want to share with you some juicy stories and experiences that I’ve encountered in my 14 years of online roleplaying. When it comes to connecting with RPers online (be it in the BDSM scene or otherwise) there are things you should do…. and things you should not! Are you ready to explore this juicy topic with me? Then, let’s dive in. 🙂

I. Do Try to Have Proper Grammar: 

I’m never going to be one who is a stickler for grammar. However, the first piece of advice I’d give you when you’re role playing online is to try to have good sentence structure. This isn’t texting. You don’t want to use short-hand speech or slang when trying to connect to another person online. “Lolz” “That shiz is so fire” or any other phrase like that… is going to be frowned upon. Show off your intellectual capabilities and vocabulary and weave some excellent emotes!

II. Do Pick a Name That Resonates with You: 

Ask any role player and they will tell you that choosing your character’s name matters! People won’t take you seriously if you walk up to chat in a tavern and your name is Mr. McHamburgler or Hello I’m Earth. (True story. I met a guy in Guild Wars 2 named “Hello I’m Earth”). Pick a name that flows easily or that can be shortened in the role play. For example: Nelliethiel Briarbosk is simply “Nell” in the RP. Another character of mine is Minerva Zhang, but in the RP she is “Minnie”. Keep it sweet and simple.

III. Don’t Assume That Everyone Wants to ERP: 

ERP stands for erotic role play, and it’s a dicey game to assume that every person socializing in a role play “hot spot” wants to ERP. This isn’t the case. Most RPers that I’ve met over the years usually do ERP “if it flows into the story, situation, or moment”. That’s the approach that I take as well. If the moment feels right and there’s intimacy building… then ERP can happen. But never have I ERPed with a person that walked up to me and simply wanted to /grabs her boobs. Uh, no.

IV. Do Invest in Your Character’s Appearance: 

You can spot a veteran role player by the amount of time and care they put into the appearance of their character. My husband used to tease me (before he got into RP too) that I had an online wardrobe like that of Paris Hilton’s. Yes, I have dozens and dozens of high quality/costly dresses, skirts, tops, etc. for my characters to use. I always create a character model that is cute in appearance and has an adorable hairstyle. Go the extra mile and get that skin for your character to make their hips fuller, or to give a manly chest. People will notice. Trust me.

V. Don’t Interrupt a Play Scene Between Characters: 

Nothing makes players more angry than another player “trolling” or interrupting their scene. This is especially true of erotic scenes. I’ll tell you a quick story. One time, in World of Warcraft (WoW), I was in a great RP guild. At the time I was the RP Officer. I was RPing with another guildie of mine upstairs at a busy public tavern. It was known that if players go into a bedroom, you don’t disturb. I went upstairs with the guy, and we switched from public /say chat to private /party chat as we moved into ERP. (As is the typical protocol of role play). Then, a younger kid in the guild who had a crush on me, who also happened to be a rogue, went in stealth and creeped up the stairs to “see” what we were up to.

There I was mid-scene, completely emotionally connected into the moment. I’m typing away these erotic things when all of a sudden my play partner says to me in a /whisper “Uh, do you realize that So-and-so is over there staring at us in the corner?”. I blinked. Now, in the game unless you’re right up next to the person, stealth allows the user to turn invisible. So, no! I didn’t see the guy at all. I jumped up (naked) and walked over. Sure enough he was perched on top of the dresser hoping that we would slip up and say something juicy in /say. I chewed the guy out. Moral of the story: don’t creep on people in a scene. It’s just creepy! If you do wish to observe, you can whisper with (( OOC)) brackets to ask permission to sit nearby and simply observe the scene and read the text as it flows in the public text box.

VI. Do Try to Use (( brackets )) to Indicate When You’re In Character and Out: 

The rule of thumb is: if you’re speaking normally, you’re in character. If you use (( brackets like this, then you are out of character )). This is especially helpful because sometimes things happen. A players get a real life phone call, or needs to use the bathroom, etc. They will simply say: (( brb )). This allows other players to move on with the scene knowing that the character is currently out of play. Some MMORPG’s have in game mods or add on’s that also allow players to put on a tag of sorts that indicates if they are in character or out of character.

VII. Do Be Friendly When Meeting People For the First Time: 

Just as you would be cordial and friendly walking up in a bar, so too should you remember your manners when walking into a virtual bar, dance club, or social setting. Players get on MMORPG’s to meet people just like you! But you need to be warm and receptive to strike up a connection too. I always say that if you don’t know what to say to begin an RP conversation, just like in real life, order some food and drink! You can /em lifts a hand, smiling warmly at the bartender. “Excuse me” Nell says in a soft, gentle tone, “May I please have a gin and tonic?”. Other players nearby will see your public /say message and come over to say hello! Then, tada! Your RP foot is in the door. 🙂

VIII. Don’t God-Mod: 

The term “God-Mod” means to modify a scene like that of a God. Or in other words, you role play in such a way that your character is almighty, unable to get wounded, and capable of harming (or killing) another player. Just don’t do it. There are many RPG’s that I’ve played where combat does enter the play scene. If this happens, there are several ways to go about engaging in combat: some games allow you to /roll 0-10 and it is assumed that anything above a 5 is a hit. 10 is a critical hit. Anything below a 5 is a miss with 0 being a critical miss. You /roll 0-10 and then emote out however Lady Luck randomly rolls for you. Another way is to simply emote your way through the fight without ever overstepping your bounds.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen other players do something that encroaches on the power of another player. I’ll give you an example of what NOT to do:

/em lifts her bow, drawing her arrow as she aims to strike Bob’s right shoulder. Releasing the arrow it flies with intense speed in his direction, suddenly impaling his heart! 

That statement (above) doesn’t allow Bob to react. So if someone just typed that out, Bob would have to act as though he just got impaled through the heart! But he didn’t consent to his player getting mortally wounded. Just as we place consent above all else in face to face D/s play sessions, so too should consent be present in all online play sessions! 🙂

Instead you can say:

/em lifts her bow, drawing her arrow as she aims to strike Bob’s right shoulder. Releasing the arrow it flies with intense speed in his direction….

Then Bob has the chance to make an emote that says:

/em pulls out his shield as the arrow lands with a hard thwack! impaling into the wood. With an evil glare he looks across the tavern at Nell, before pulling out his one handed axe. “Alright lass, ye want te fight me! Come on then!” he shouts before racing towards the thin blood elf…. 

And so on.

IX. Don’t Cuss, But If You Do… Get Creative With It!: 

Generally speaking you don’t want to use a bunch of profanity in your emotes. However, there might be times when you’re role playing (or having sex!) where a cuss word is appropriate. Try to get creative with your profanity. Don’t just call the guy an asshole. Call him a wanker! A knobhead! Tell him it’s a load of bollocks! You get the idea. Try to sprinkle your profanity with humor and it should be fine.

X. Lastly, Remember To Have Fun: 

The most important piece of advice I can give you is this: 

Remember that online role playing, or D/s play sessions should be fun. It should be emotionally engaging. They should be uplifting, arousing, empowering, and moving. They should entertain you and excite you. If your online interactions are causing you stress, harm, anxiety, trauma, depression, or anger…. walk away. Log off and take a break, because that is never the purpose of online play. Just as in real life, your connections should uplift and nourish you, not harm and bring you down. You are worth love, honesty, and respect. You should be treated with the utmost care, love, and understanding. Consent should always be at the forefront. The online arena is often viewed as the “Wild Wild West”. But with the right knowledge beforehand, I know you’ll do just fine.

Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here. And I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

~Kitten/Punkin xx


  1. Great post, Kitten! This has to be the 3rd (4th?) iteration of this document. I love that it has evolved over time. Roleplay is such an engaging and fulfilling experience, especially doing it with someone you have a natural rapport with! I can attest that doing it with you for years and our rich stories and experiences (enough to make books of them!) have definitely been special to me. I’m so proud of you sharing these with everyone so that we can all make the most of it under guidance of some rules and protocols designed to make everyone enjoy and have a good time. I can’t wait to RP with you again as soon as we get our internet situation improves! 😀 ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehe thanks hubs! ❤ Yes, this is the 4th iteration of my do's and don'ts lol. I can't wait to gather up the hundreds of stories we've written over the years and publish a book on the Myrmidons. ❤ It is my honor to write, live, and walk through life with you. More great times lay ahead, so get your duds in order cause we're bound to cross the waters and heave away, my darling… 😉


  2. A great set of rules, Punkin’. I’ll keep them in mind if I ever decide to delve into the RP arena. But, that is way out of my element, my idea of RPG was more basic like “D&D” and the PC game “Baldur’s Gate”. Hmmm… 🤔… that is really showing my age, isn’t it? “Back in my day, all we had was pencil, paper and dice,” lol. 😜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Daddy! Quite frankly there are numerous platforms MUD or text-only games that are on the computer now that mimic “D&D”. If you’re interested, we can explore some of these together and I’m happy to show you some of the more basic RPGs. I think you’d love them! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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