Good Afternoon Friends,
Today I’ve had a wonderful day talking on the phone to Daddy C delving into his mind, and my husbands mind about a topic that is near and dear to my heart: passion. The very reason that I write this blog, and books for us Littles, is rooted in passion. I’m passionate about living the lifestyle of an adult Little. I’m passionate about sharing my thoughts and knowledge with the world. I’m passionate about helping others (like you!) grow, and thrive. It brings me joy to see you all smile. That said, today I want to zoom in our microscope to discussing passion in a D/s relationship. In any relationship, really! Are you ready to smush and reflect with me? Then, let’s dive in. 😉
I. It’s Easy to Get Caught Up in the Details:
I sat back reflecting with my men today about how easy it is to get caught up in the details of a D/s relationship. Learn this position. Do this task. Remember this rule. Lead your sub. Remember these rules for a play session. On and on and on we have a million things to remember as a D/s couple. And don’t get me wrong, they are all quite important! But at the core of the relationship is…. passion. Desire. Attraction. A longing to be with your partner. Certainly this is more pronounced if you are intimate with one another. But even in non-sexual D/s dynamics, there is a desire to be with one another. There is a passion to communicate and just enjoy each others company.
Life gets busy. Bills need to be paid. Children need to be fed. The house needs cleaned. Did we wash the car? Dang, I need to return that item to the store. On and on life gives us this never-ending current of “to do” lists that zaps away some of our energy. So, how do we walk the balance of keeping passion alive in our D/s relationship and functioning productively through life?
II. Scheduling “Us” Time:
There’s a common misconception that if you schedule “couple time” that it makes the relationship boring. That if you schedule time then you lose spontaneity. But I’d like to make the argument that if you purposefully schedule time as “couple time” (whether that’s a play session, a long walk talking, or whatever that picture looks like for you!) that it doesn’t lose anything emotion-wise, because you can actually look forward to that time each and every week!
I’m going to use my relationships here as an example of how I carve out “couple time” with my partners. Daddy C and I make space for our daily phone call. And when we aren’t talking on the phone, we’re texting throughout the day. Why? Because it’s the lifeblood of our relationship. But because we have made space for these phone calls, I look forward to them each and every day. It lifts my heart and helps me to press on after we hang up the phone. My husband and I take time to decompress each and every evening. We have a Little Space night time routine that is sacred to us. After washing down in the shower together, he helps me into my pajamas, and then rocks me to sleep in my hammock. It’s amazing. Carve out time with your partner. Set aside scheduled time when all phones go off and it’s just time for you two as a couple.
III. Passion and Sex:
Another area that often gets neglected in relationships is sex and intimacy. I’ve had discussions with many people in very long-term relationships who have conveyed to me the struggles of remaining attracted and intimate as the years go by. It’s not that they aren’t able to “perform”. But somewhere along the way they simply lost the passion. Usually it isn’t a lack of attraction, but there are issues within the relationship that need to be addressed to rekindle the spark that once was. I’m no stranger to experiencing this myself! I’ll use myself as the “guinea pig” here in the example. (Note: my husband did consent to me discussing these details here prior to me publishing this post lol).
At the start of our 7 year relationship, my husband and I were deeply passionate with one another. We were romping in the sheets daily. Then, the “honeymoon period” wore off about 18 months later and there we were as newlyweds with a toddler going, “hang on… where is the time to have sex?? I’m tired!!”. Well, I have a high libido and if I don’t have sex regularly it affects my mood. (I’ll discuss this more in another post). My husband and I would go in cycles of connecting, rekindling things and having sex, and then life would get busy and we would slip off the bandwagon again.
Finally after years of this ebb and flow, we came together one day and I said to him, “You know what? It’s okay if we don’t have sex!”. He looked like a deer in headlights. “What?!” he said shocked, “you don’t want to have sex with me???”. In truth, I did. But what I was doing was taking off the pressure of having to have intercourse, and replacing that with intimacy. If we didn’t make it all the way to having sex… but we spent the better part of the time kissing, touching, and loving on one another, that’s fine! I explained my position and we shifted our viewpoint. For us, it worked beautifully. My husband and I aren’t jack-rabbits over here. But we are affectionate, loving, caring, warm, and passionate with one another. There is feeling behind the kiss and that is what matters. If sex happens, great. If not, that’s okay too. There is love and there is desire. That is the core of our connection.
I’m going to leave you with some food for thought that my husband said to me today:
Having passion in a relationship is the difference between being a participant and being a hostage. – Captain Taliron Quinn
How has passion influenced your connections? In what ways do you demonstrate passion to be with your partner? Comment and let me know! I’d love to hear from you.
Alright my friends, that’s it from me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here, and I will see you back here for the next topic!