Giving Yourself Permission [Reflections]

Good Morning Friends,

So often on here I discuss the importance of asking permission. It’s a natural part of any D/s relationship. The submissive asks permission from their dominant, thereby creating the ebb and flow of power exchange. But today, my heart is burning with an intense desire to discuss the power of giving ourselves permission. So let’s dissect this topic today, shall we? ❤ Now, let’s dive in.

I. Giving Yourself Permission to Explore: 

When I think about giving yourself permission, personally I think about relationships. It’s important to seek the connections that uplift you, and support you in life. Whether that’s friends, lovers, companions, etc. you need to give yourself permission to seek those authentic relationships. When I look back in my own life, I can honestly say that I spent many years staying in unhealthy relationships, because I thought that it was “what I was supposed to do”. But these days, I don’t think that way anymore. If something doesn’t feel right in a connection, I bring it to attention. I live my life with intention because guess what? We all only have ONE life to live. We only have a finite amount of time. It isn’t selfish to want your connections to be fulfilling and enriching. It isn’t self-centered to put your emotional needs first, because by doing so it will allow you to become a happier and more grounded person to care for the people around you.

II. Giving Yourself Permission to Live Out Your Dreams: 

We have all heard the phrase, “dream big”. But I prefer the statement: “dare to dream”. Allow yourself to dream about the life that you want for yourself. Maybe you can’t have that life today, but you can begin to make tiny, micro baby steps towards the dream that you want to achieve. What is your dream? What do you wish in the deepest parts of your heart? Are YOU living the life that you always desired? Take time to reflect on these questions and then make modifications as things bubble up. Again, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to lay your head on your pillow knowing that the life that has manifested before you is the life that you have always dreamed of.

III. Giving Yourself Permission to Feel: 

It took me so many years to finally say, “It’s okay to not be okay”. That was a hard hurdle for me to get over. A younger version of myself often tried to shoulder everything. But by doing so, I ended up emotionally broken and physically ill. It took me years to heal and re-training my mind to realize that I have to own whatever emotion flows through me. When I’m struggling now, I say to my partners: I need your help! Help me to get over this hurdle. You don’t need to be so strong all the time. You don’t need to be Atlas and hold the weight of the world on your back. And you certainly were never designed to walk through life alone! Allow yourself to move through emotions. Embrace how things truly make you feel. It might be deeply painful, but there is a learning experience in every dark part of life.

For me, some of my hardest times with past divorce and saying goodbye to my children, also taught me the importance of time. Time is sacred. My experiences and trauma has shaped me to value not only my time, but the time of my loved ones as well. I no longer believe that we “have all the time in the world”. I don’t sit by idly wondering if I should speak up about things I feel. I give myself permission to feel, and then act upon it because life is too short to always hold your tongue.

IV. Giving Yourself Permission to be Authentically You: 

The last point I’d like to make is to give yourself permission to be authentically and unapologetically YOU. If you close your eyes, deep…. deep…. WAY deep down… only you know what feels right in your soul. You know what your body, mind, and soul need. People can give all the advice in the world, but only you know what is the right path to walk that will bring you joy and a sense of peace. I’ve had many moments where I’ve had to make very tough decisions that went against my entire family and those that I love. But deep down, I knew it was the best decision in the long run. Was it hard? Hell yes! It was painful and many stopped talking to me for a while. But eventually, they understood why I made the decisions that I did, and they respected that. (Note: They never needed to agree with me. But they did need to respect my opinion).

I’ll share with you an example. When I came out to my parents that I’m an Adult Little, they were confused and very put off at first. I had to break things down in a way that they could understand as “vanilla people”. I couldn’t lead with the “I’m a part of the BDSM community….” because my parents would have thought that I was swinging from the rafters in a sex swing! No, I had to explain the concept of having an “inner child” and why age regression appeals to a person like myself. I had to discuss my parents’ divorce and how it impacted my life forever. It was difficult but I had to go there. Why? Because I refuse to live the rest of my days hiding who I truly am. And while they still to this day get slightly weirded out when they hear about my latest book that I’ve published, or tilt their head when they ask about my blog…. I’m being 100% honest with the world. I am who I am and I’m sharing that with my parents and the rest of the world. I can go to sleep at night knowing that everything I did, and said was truthful and didn’t compromise my integrity.

My friends, I hope that you take time to give yourself permission to experience all that life has for you. Life is messy… and difficult… but beautiful and enriching. Life is complex and full of chapters that rise and fall. It is the weaving of your own story in the great book of life. That’s it for me for this post. I hope you all enjoyed it! If you did, hit that like button and let me know. Smash that follow button if you’re new around here and I will see you back here for the next topic!

Much love,

Kitten/Punkin xx

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