Good Evening Friends,
Tonight’s post is a bit more somber, because quite frankly I’m feeling a wee bit down. I know I’ll be fine and the sun will shine again. But right now I’m moving through the emotions that are flooding my heart. Tonight I was reflecting on why protection is so important for me as a Little. For as far back as I can stretch my memory I’ve had a lack of protection. My parents had so many issues of their own that they didn’t take the time to provide the protection, love, and guidance to myself or my older brother. As I shifted into a teenager those problems magnified and grew until I left home at 18. I never returned there since.
When I think of what I need in my dominant the first thing that springs to mind is a feeling of protection. Certainly our dominant doesn’t have to actually be Superman and save us from the world. But I need the feeling of being protected, cared for, and nurtured on a regular basis. I think we all come into age regression for various reasons. I am public about my scars and baggage because I don’t like to hide things. It’s not who I am nor will ever be.
The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. I could feel myself retreating into “Little Me” for longer periods of time. I could feel the absolute tug on my heart at the pain of being so far from Daddy C. It absolutely SUCKS living so far apart from each other. Over the weekend I nestled up and watched “David the Gnome”. I baked cupcakes and soothed myself with a stack of fresh books from the library. I began to plan my upcoming birthday weekend, and worked the land to get out mounting anxiety and emotions. Hard labor does wonders for the mind.
So now I’m sitting here with a swirling mind and an open heart. I wish I could stick a pink, unicorn band-aid over my heart and feel “back to normal”. But I can’t. Instead, I have to move with baby steps and intention, being honest with myself and my emotions. I have to be a big girl and face my issues and feelings head on. I can’t stay in “Little Me” to ignore the things that “Big Me” needs to talk about. My little space is honest… quiet… genuine… and calm. And that is the way I intend to keep it.
So, I’m going to sit here in my unicorn clad blanket and brew a cup of tea. I’m going to face my issues and resolve them. Then, I will get back to feeling like the happy, little girl that I am deep down inside.
I’m sorry this post was so rambly! Sending you all big hugs… tons of glitter… and a smiley face sticker, hoping you have an excellent day!