Good Morning Friends,
I had every intention on writing the next installment of my female health series, and I will, but this post was weighing on my heart and so I wanted to share it with you. Very recently I was in Little Space when my feelings were deeply hurt. They were hurt to the point where I felt Little Me break slightly, and the larger “Big Me” or adult side, came out to protect my heart. Today I wanted to delve into this space and discuss the impact of getting hurt in Little Space, why it is devastating, and what to do when this happens.
Little Space is the mental head-space where we regress in age and act youthful. But psychologically it’s deeper than that. Similar to an innocent child, our emotions come to the forefront. We act and feel impulsively. We wear our heart on our sleeve. Such was the case when I was in Little Space being my happy, bubbly self when I had a large disagreement with my husband. I’ll spare the intimate details so as to not derail from the topic at hand. But in that moment when the disagreement occurred, I was “Little Me”. I was in a state of vulnerability, and this is the part I’d like to zero in on. So, dominants please lend me your ears.
Little Space is an emotional state just as much as it is a physical demonstration of age regression. It’s a mental space where we can be free of adult stress and burdens. It’s the space where we enter with the understanding that our dominant will guard, protect, and care for us. So if/when a disagreement happens, it can be very jarring. It can feel traumatic because we are suspended in a youthful mindset and suddenly we are pulled into our adult head space.
Making the switch from Little Me to Big Me isn’t always easy either. Certainly it can be done. But we feel the shift. In that moment where I was feeling happy, joyful, and suddenly I was yanked into an adult argument, everything inside of me recoiled. Little Me wanted to cover my face and ears, and curl up into a ball. I didn’t want conflict. I didn’t want to be met with anger and frustration. I didn’t want to deal with the stress of adult bickering. But I had no choice but to shift. So, I returned to that mental space of my ordinary, adult self to deal with the problem at hand. But I was left with emotional turmoil in my system. I was angry.
Little Me was very angry, and feeling very hurt.
After dealing with the disagreement with my husband, I needed to find a way to vocalize how hurt I was feeling about my Little Space getting ruined. I know that it wasn’t intentional with the argument creeping up. Life happens. But I had to be honest about the impact that it left on me, and that “Little Me” was hurting inside. So I sat my husband down and articulated as clearly as I could about what it feels like to be suddenly, emotionally, “yanked” out of Little Space. It’s the feeling of a cold bucket of water to the face. It’s a feeling of being in a vibrant, happy world of color… to suddenly losing all color in your space. You have no choice but to surrender to the adult stress and to quit being Little in that moment. In short, it sucks!
In the days that followed, I had to find a way to deal with the frustration I felt inside. My inner child had been unintentionally smacked and was retreating into its shell. I didn’t want to do things in Little Space. I felt guarded of that sacred space, and fearful that if I went into Little Space again that I would get yanked out. I was scared for that to happen. And yet, I needed to find a way to cope. I couldn’t let my Little Space go just because I was feeling all mixed up inside.
So I began with communication. I pulled my husband and Daddy C aside separately and discussed my feelings with them. I laid it all out there so that they knew where I was at mentally. I also wrote emails to them to further convey my thoughts. (Sometimes it’s nice to just write out your thoughts. 🙂 ). Next, I took time to myself. You probably noticed that I dropped down to posting once per day as opposed to the 3-4 posts per day that I was doing. There was a reason. I needed time to heal, collect my thoughts, and nurse “Little Me” back to high spirits. I needed time, and this time around I needed to care for myself. So I donned my hot pink, fluffy robe, lit a pumpkin-scented candle, and meditated. I allowed myself to daydream about happy things. In the quiet space of my mind, I began to tap into Little Me again. I began to listen to music that evoked the feelings of Little Me. I watched “David the Gnome” on YouTube, my very favorite Little Space show.
I comforted myself that although sometimes bad things happen, even in Little Space, that I would be okay. My relationships would be just fine, and that Little Me doesn’t need to retreat anymore. This healing process has been a journey but something that was much needed. It was a new step that I took and discovered about myself. I’m stronger than I give myself credit for, and it’s something that I should remind myself of every now and then. It’s okay to move slowly through painful emotions. It’s okay to make space to nurture the most vulnerable parts of yourself. It’s okay to slow down when you need to.
I now know that Little Me is on the mend. I’ve been completely forthcoming about my feelings and the things I need to do to fully heal and move on. I understand the fragile nature of my Little Space so much more intimately these days, and that is why I wanted to share this post with you. Am I feeling 100% ready to bounce back into Little Space? Well, no. But I’m intentionally finding reasons to smile. I’m doing activities that I enjoy as Little Me, and so I’m definitely on my way to feeling “normal” again. It’s just a delicate process.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that it has been insightful, and helpful for you whether you’re a submissive or a dominant. I hope you all have a beautiful day, and I will see you back here for the next topic.