Good Afternoon Friends,
I hope you all are well. I know it has been a bit since I’ve written on here. I hope November is going smoothly for you. I hope wherever you are that the weather is beautiful, and as we roll into the holiday season you are spending time with the people you love. That is my deepest wish for you.
Today I wanted to come on here and just write a short blog post about expectations, and how releasing expectations has increased my happiness in my D/s relationships. For those new to my blog, welcome! I’m so honored to have you here with me. Most people know me by the name, Kitten. Or Punkin. Or Penny! Whichever you’d prefer is fine by me. 🙂 I have a beautiful long distance D/s relationship with Daddy C, and I’m married to my best friend and husband Captain Taliron Quinn. Both relationships are D/s in nature. Most of the time I think of myself as an adult little and a submissive.
Over the past few months I’ve taken quite a bit of time to examine my own relationships and how I approach being a submissive within them. When I first began my journey into B.D.S.M. 5 years ago, I had expectations that I desired to be met by my dominant. At the time, I thought this was natural. I also expected that my dominant would have expectations of me as well.
But if I’m being honest and transparent here, I have shifted in my connections. I no longer have expectations of Daddy C or my husband. Instead, I approach our D/s relationship from a place of love, devotion, and service. You see, over the past few months, Daddy C has been incredibly busy with life and work. For many couples in long distance relationships, not having play sessions or having that “on” feeling of being D/s would have been a deal breaker. At first, I missed having him be a Daddy Dom towards me. But then, I realized that I needed to tap into the other layers of our relationship. We weren’t *just* a D/s relationship. We had built up something much more than that. We created a partnership…. a friendship… a connection of love and companionship. And it was there that I needed to shift my focus.
So I did.
I mentally shifted to supporting him in his ever-busy schedule. I poured love into him across the miles without expectation of anything in return. I lifted the burden of him *having* to be my Daddy dominant, and simply told him that when he felt in the right head space to do, that I would be here. In lifting the burden of expectations, it actually brought us closer together.
Then, I turned to my dear husband and accepted his lead as my dominant and life partner. For the longest time I wondered if it was possible to “serve” two dominants. But when there is nothing but love, respect, and loyalty flowing all around… I don’t see why it can’t work. Now, my husband and I had tried to be D/s in the past, and at that point in time, we just weren’t compatible. He needed to work on himself as a dominant, and quite frankly, I had to do some personal growth and soul-searching as a submissive! But when I shifted my mind to not having expectations for my dominant, I looked at my husband with acceptance just as he is. He is the most wonderful, loving, supportive man that I’ve ever met. I’m honored to be his wife and his kitten.
We started over these past few months, turning down the volume of our life. He assigned tasks that were more critical thinking questions to allow him to get to know my heart and mind, as I am right now. In turn, I learned that there is no “perfect way” to be a Daddy dom. Instead, I love him for how he is, leading me as he desires. In approaching our relationship from this new way, I saw him feel empowered. He became more motivated to be the head of our household, and the dominant that he is inside. He isn’t ever going to bark orders. That’s just not his style. Instead, he commands with a quiet, tender hand. He knows that I obey from a place of love, and not fear or obligation. He respects my opinion and gives me the chance to speak my thoughts, and I listen to him and “let go” of the little things that aren’t worth stressing over.
It has felt like a rebirth of our marriage 7 years later.
So, I guess in this rambling post and updates, I just wanted to say that there is no perfect way to have a D/s relationship. There are qualities that make a relationship healthy or not. There are traits and values that you’ll want to look for in your potential partner, and for everyone those needs are different. But only you know what works in your heart. Only you can know if someone is the right fit for you. In the meantime, if you’re curious, try loving your partner/s simply as they are. Lift the burden of how you think they should be or act, and instead embrace them for who they are in this moment. Trust me, it feels really good. ❤
Wishing you all so much love on this beautiful Wednesday, and I’ll see you back here for the next topic!